Kate Wolfeden’s Untamed Coaching Adventure - Part Two

Last week we heard Part One of Kate Wolfenden’s Untamed Coaching Adventure. She spoke of the initial doubts and assumptions that showed up when we started working together. In this Untamed Perspective episode, she takes us through Part Two.

Audio Transcript:

Last week we heard Part One of Kate Wolfenden’s Untamed Coaching Adventure. She spoke of the initial doubts that showed up when we started working together and how she chose to overcome them and fully committed to the process. 

This week, she shares with us, the stories she was subconsciously telling herself and the power of meaning.

2 – LAYING THE FOUNDATIONS

So Jim and I got into a rhythm and started working. It was important for me to realise that the work didn’t start and stop on the calls as I had first imagined it might. The calls really were just a check in point. The real work happened between the calls. Either through the awareness brought about by our conversations, or more practically speaking, the work set between each call.

Two of the most powerful exercises in this time I thought might be worth mentioning here.  

1. Recognising and taking responsibility for my inner critic, and 

2. Rewriting stories. 

Looking back now, it really must have been obvious to everybody but me quite how much of a strong grip my inner critic had on me. Half-way through our first call, Jim stopped me and said. Okay, so do you know you have put yourself down X times in the last 30 minutes? I honestly didn’t.  

Well, actually, let me qualify that - maybe I did know what I was saying, but somehow, somewhere along I had made that okay. 

I have to admit, it grated on me a little bit when we first started talking. Jim interrupting me all the time to correct my language.  

I mean, I got it the first time, Jim. Do we really need to labour the point?

But, of course we did. 

What Jim was really doing was shining a light on it. Soon it became crystal clear. Both the level of noise and the variety of self-criticisms. All of a sudden, it moved from the subconscious to the conscious. And that was a game changer.

And then from the awareness of how present it was in my life, we moved into the why. And we started that with definitions. 

What did confidence really mean to me, anyway? And while we’re there – success, happiness, failure. 

On and on we went. 

Before long, it was easy to see how a simple thing like definitions and meanings of words, was compounding this suboptimal view of myself, deeper and deeper into my psyche every single day. 

Sounds a bit bleak doesn’t it? Well it definitely did to me, too. 

Well, thanks for that Jim. I know I’ve got an inner critic and I know she’s been around for years. Wonderful, we’ve now turned up the volume. What are we going to do next? Invite her round for tea? ;) 

The beautiful news to me that Jim shared next, though, was that it was all reversible. It took me a fair bit of time to believe this, but as far as I can tell, with diligent effort, it’s true. 

When we broke it down and looked at the ways I built this identity up in myself in the past, the tools that I had so handily crafted at the time for the work, actually conveniently doubled up as the self-same tools to get myself out of it. Used in a more conscious and positive way of course, but nevertheless the self-same tools. 

As just two examples relevant to me – I had somehow connected confidence with arrogance and humility with a lovable self-deprecating typically British humour. 

This had led me to a place where I would lead the way in putting myself down so others could feel comfortable in doing so too, as well as persistently turning down any opportuni