BROJO: Confidence. Clarity. Connection‪.‬ Dan Munro & Mike Wells

We’re going to look at relationships and how these are affected by nice guy syndrome. We’ll explore how relationships are different for nice guys and what the unique challenges are. We’ll look at what makes a great relationship work, as well as what causes toxic relationships and divorces.
We’ll compare long term relationships with marriage. We’ll explore the specific issues with ADHD because it’s such a sought after topic.
And then we’ll look at how to repair damage that’s already occurred

Topics
Nice Guy relationships: definition
How relationships work for the best possible connection
Relationships vs marriage: what’s the difference?
Relationships with adhd and nice guy syndrome
Can relationships be fixed?

What is social confidence?

It might be the most important skillset and mindset for life success and satisfaction.
This is the biggest struggle I see, evidenced by dishonesty, depression and loneliness, social media validation begging, and dismal dating experiences. Most people are faking social confidence or not even able to do that. In this podcast we cover what it is, why it matters, and how to build it.

We'll look at:

Social confidence meaning / definition - how the definition makes a big difference to your mindset
A social confidence scale you can use to measure your progress
The 5 I’s of confidence - a practical step by step guide to building confidence objectively
Why is social confidence important? We'll look at the justification for making this your top priority
Is social anxiety a lack of confidence? Can a confident person have social anxiety?
Social confidence for introverts - a special look at shyness
How to improve social confidence and how to boost social confidence in a practical way, no matter who you are

Listen Notes
In this podcast episode, I break down some of the major psychological components that make up Nice Guy Syndrome. NGS is a cluster of different psychological disorders and struggles, and not every Nice Guy is the same. Some of these will apply to you, some won't. This podcast should help you figure out what type of Nice Guy you are, as well as how you should focus your recovery.
We'll talk about Nice Guy Attachment Styles (avoidant and anxious), Nice Guy Narcissism, People Pleasing Syndrome, and comorbidity with ADHD and autism. Then we'll wrap up with looking at a general recovery approach that works for all types.

In the fantasy series "The Prince of Nothing" and "The Aspect Emperor" by R Scott Bakker, we are introduced to a concept called The Darkness that Comes Before. This describes the unknown place from where our urges and drives and decisions come from, that subconscious part of the brain that really calls the shots.
In this podcast episode, I explore what occurs in that darkness, and how other people get into your mind to control you. We look at how to be sceptical about your own thoughts and feelings and beliefs, in such a way that ensures you make better long-term decisions and prevent others from manipulating you.

Introducing the Green Pill approach to dating and relationships

In this podcast episode we’ll discuss about what I’m going to call the “Green Pill” approach to dating and relationships (as opposed to red pill or blue pill ideologies). I’ve named it that because green seems the right colour to signify integrity, growth, and nature / being natural.

So with the Green Pill approach to dating you actually lose the word “dating” altogether because it’s too needy and full of desperation and transactional. It’s a complete paradigm shift away from getting something from other people. Instead, you focus on socializing with integrity. The primary purpose is to impress yourself with valued living. No more seduction techniques, hiding behind texting, sliding into DMs, online dating apps, setting up dates, or going to bars and clubs.

Instead you fill your week with hobbies and activities that fulfil you. You turn everything you love into a social event, and you focus primarily on being as honest and brave and transparent as you can be in those situations, even if it costs you the love of everyone in the room. Rather than trying to “get” people and fit in or make them like you, you take the risk of losing everyone in order to be true to yourself. But at the same time, you don’t sabotage potential connections with avoidant tactics or contrarian disagreeableness. You employ powerful honesty principles to attract the right kind of people and repel the wrong kind, all while primarily focusing on engaging in activities you enjoy.

If the honesty is loved, respected and reciprocated by someone you also like, then you invite them to join you in your life (but you don’t create new events just for them). You keep doing that until you’re only surrounded by the best fit possible people, and of course, your shameless honesty will naturally escalate things romantically as well. ————-

This Green Pill approach is broken down in great detail in my Building Rapport course – you can access this and all my other courses with a free 7 day trial to my paid subscription – DM or email me dan@brojo.org for access

In this podcast, I scoured the internet to find the most common arguments against honesty - the justifications for lying, manipulation, and keeping thoughts to yourself. I will address each of them with my counter arguments, including the most powerful cases I've ever seen: hiding Jews from the Nazis, and not telling a child that they're about to die!