Roasting Saints 20: Nibble Nobby's Nibley

#114 Roasting Saints 20: Nibble Nobby's Nibley

Before Smitty Nibbles Yours

In episode 20 of the LDS Saints podcast, we are presented with the Kirtland Safety Society. A bank that Smitty false prophesied would become the biggest swinging dick around, and eat all competitor cocks (banks). Nothing went right with this venture, and many unfollowed him on X (formely known as Twitter).

Yet, Smitty was so charismatic, he still managed to have his first extra-marital affair, that he justified with a secret marriage. Why secret? I guess God thought that was an excellent way to show his people the example they should follow. Hang-on, that doesn't make sense. Maybe it was just easier than divorcing his legal wife Emma? Or maybe this never happened? Or maybe the truth is in between? For a cult that prides itself on being the "Standard for Truth" (see the title for episode 1 of Saints), why is the truth so full of bullshit?

If all that seems like a faith shattering downer for any God fearing Mormon (because it is), the hosts of Saints add a little saccharine in the form of all the "miracles" happening overseas. And by "miracles" they mean "converts to Mormonism". These aren't miracles, just bad ideas spreading. Like so much of human history.

Mormon News Discussed:

• Apostle M. Russel Ballard died at age 95. And we were only just talking about him on the last episode!
• Rusty appointed a new apostle to take Ballard's place - Patrick Kearon. Poor fucker. That guy now has no agency in his life until he dies.

Brother Jones teaches Sister Patience about:

• The fun times that can be had with initials and apostle names.
• The Fallout-style vault where the LDS church keeps all it's most precious records. It's at 6279 Little Cottonwood Canyon Rd. Unfortunately, there isn't a good Google street view of the facility because the road past the gate is private property.
• How early European converts were lied to and enticed to move to the US, to work for the cult in various ways, with little hope of upward mobility.

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.