You Don't Have to Heal Alone: Why Community Is Essential in a Destructive Relationship Have you ever sat in a church pew, heard a message about forgiveness or submission, and walked away feeling more trapped than before — wondering if something was deeply wrong with you for still feeling unsafe? You are not alone, and this episode is for you. Leslie sits down with Kelly Yazzie, our community manager in Conquer, for a raw and deeply honest conversation about why belonging to a safe, faith-based community is not a luxury for women in destructive relationships — it is a lifeline. Together they explore the scriptures that have been misused to keep women silent and stuck, how to hold onto a good God when the system fails you, and why real transformation only happens when information is met with courageous, supported practice. If you have been burned by community before, if you are questioning God's goodness in the middle of an unjust situation, or if you are simply exhausted from trying to figure this out alone, this conversation will meet you exactly where you are. Key Takeaways Misapplied Scripture Has Kept Too Many Women Stuck — and That Is Not God's Heart Verses about forgiveness, mercy, and love covering sin have been pulled out of context in ways that pressure women to protect their abusive husbands from consequences and silence their own experience. Kelly unpacks Ephesians 5:11 — "Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them" — alongside Matthew 3:8 and Proverbs 28 to show that God does not call us to prop up unrepentant sin. Untangling forgiveness from reconciliation, and learning to watch for fruit of genuine repentance rather than words alone, is one of the most liberating shifts a woman in a destructive relationship can make. As Kelly states plainly: an apology without change is only manipulation. You Are the Steward of You — And That Is Not Selfishness, It Is Faithfulness One of the most important truths in this episode is that no pastor, elder, counselor, or husband holds authority over your own welfare. Drawing from the sobering story in First Kings 13 — where a man of God is sidetracked by the counsel of another who claimed to speak for God — Kelly and Leslie remind women that others do not live in your home, and they do not live with the results of their counsel. You are the expert of your own situation. Learning to hear God's voice directly, trusting your God-given intuition, and reclaiming ownership of your own life is not rebellion; it is spiritual maturity and faithfulness to the person God created you to be. When God Doesn't Fix It: Separating the Facts from the Story When a protection order is denied despite evidence of abuse, when a custody battle is lost by a mother who did everything right, the anguish is real — and so is the temptation to write a story about what that means about God. Leslie and Kelly walk through the critical practice of distinguishing the facts of a situation from the story we tell ourselves about why it happened. Asking "why did God do this?" often leads us into the same trap as Job's friends — assigning blame and shame where neither belongs. The more life-giving question is: what do I need from this? Where can I grow? How is God meeting me here? God is light; there is no darkness in Him at all, even when circumstances are painfully dark. Community Is Where Transformation Actually Happens Information alone — no matter how biblical, how wise, or how perfectly taught — does not produce transformation. It is the practice, the support, the application inside a safe relational space that changes a woman from the inside out. Kelly describes how women in Conquer learn to use their voice, try new boundaries, share their failures without shame, celebrate their wins without apology, and eventually turn around to support someone just a few steps behind them. Relational trauma is healed in relationship, and a community where your humanity is held with both truth and grace is not a nice addition to healing — it is central to it. You Are Not Too Broken, Too Much, or Too Late For the woman who has been burned by a Christian community before — excluded, silenced, or judged — Kelly offers a direct and tender word: your voice is powerful, your boundaries are courageous, and your healing is worth fighting for. You are not simply a helpmate or a role to fill. You are, as Kelly grounds it in Scripture, an ezer kenegdo — a warrior partner made in the image of God. The Conquer community exists to be the kind of space where that truth becomes lived experience, not just information on a page. If today's conversation stirred something in you — a longing to be truly known, a hunger for a community that holds both biblical truth and your real, hard story with equal care — we want to invite you into exactly that. Conquer is a Christ-centered membership community designed for women just like you: women who love God and are done trying to navigate destructive relationships alone. Inside, you will find a rich library of biblical, trauma-informed teaching, trained mentors who have walked this road themselves, and a community of women who genuinely get it. Join us at: https://leslievernick.com/membership Doors open twice a year, and you can join monthly to try it out. Come and see what is possible when information meets community and real transformation begins. Closing Encouragement Friend, if you have made it to the end of this episode, something in you is still reaching toward healing — and that matters. The road out of a destructive relationship, through grief, through spiritual confusion, through a broken system that does not always get it right, is one that no woman should have to walk alone. God has not looked away from your situation. Isaiah 59 promises He rises when justice is denied. He comes as both avenger and redeemer. And in the meantime, He has placed women around you — women who have been in the rubble and who know that beauty can grow there. You are deeply loved. You are fully known. And the next step forward, however small it feels, is worth taking. We are here to walk it with you.
