Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom

Marcy Larson, MD
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Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom

When pediatrician mom of three, Marcy Larson's 14 yo son, Andy, was killed in a car accident in 2018, she felt like her life was over. In many ways, that life was over, and a new one forced to begin in its place. Come alongside her as she works through this journey of healing. She discusses grief and child loss with other grieving parents and those who work to help them in their grief. This podcast is for grieving parents and well as those who support them.

  1. 6 DAYS AGO

    Episode 278: Ephrem's Mom

    I would consider today's guest, Kate, a born caregiver. I could sense her caring spirit immediately. Before losing her 12-year-old son, Ephrem, Kate worked as a birth doula and was in training to be a midwife. She loved supporting new young parents as they welcomed their new babies into the world.   After Ephrem died suddenly from complications from an aortic dissection, Kate no longer felt like she could continue working as a birth doula so she became a home health aide. One evening, Kate was assigned to be with an elderly man who was nearing the end of his life. Instead of offering support as a family welcomed new life, she sat with them as they prepared to say goodbye. Kate realized something that night - Ephrem's death had unveiled a new calling for her. She knew that hospice work was now what she was meant to do. Instead of supporting families as life entered the world, Kate would help people and their families at the end of life.   But hospice work was not Kate's only new calling. After Ephrem's death, Kate attended Luella's Lodge (a place near and dear to my own heart) for a retreat for bereaved parents. Kate found herself signing up for retreat after retreat. Each one gave her more strength. During one such retreat, Kate sat down with Carrie, co-founder of Luella's Lodge asking what she thought of the idea of Kate starting her own retreat center, fashioning it after Luella's Lodge. Carrie was thrilled.   Kate and her husband founded The Beekeeper's Well to offer support to bereaved families. Kate's dream is to eventually have a physical retreat center for bereaved parents in Southeast Michigan, but that will take time. For now, Kate offers weekly Sunday night drop-in Zoom support groups as well as grief coaching. Kate also hosts 'Home Retreats' anywhere in the US or Canada. These retreats are meant for smaller groups. Kate goes to a home (or often a weekend rental) and brings the retreat center experience to the bereaved. Kate finds local experts in yoga, breath work, massage, and other healing modalities and brings the magic of a grief retreat to grieving parents wherever they need it.

    54 min

  2. 2 JAN

    Episode 277: Lorenzo's Mom

    When Suzanne's son, Lorenzo, was a little boy, he told his family that when he grew up, he would be a police officer. He even drew a picture of himself as a policeman. After finishing high school, he instead studied computers and looked to follow in his dad's footsteps. Then, one day, when Lorenzo was in his mid-twenties, he surprised his mom with a phone call. 'Mama Bear,' he said, 'I need to talk to you.' Suzanne responded by asking if she should be worried. 'Maybe a little bit, Mama Bear,' he replied, but it's OK.' Lorenzo shared that he couldn't work behind a desk any longer. He needed to help people and become a police officer. Although Suzanne was a little worried, she was also so proud of her son. She knew that he would be an amazing addition to the police force. He loved helping others. in his soul, Suzanne said that he was born to be a lover of people. She says that no one ever loved her as deeply as Lorenzo did. It was so fun to talk to her about their amazing relationship and about how, above all else, Lorenzo wanted to take care of his 'Mama Bear.' It reminded me a little bit about Andy, his big, loving heart, and the way he always insisted that he 'loved me more' despite my protests. Shortly after Lorenzo realized his dream of becoming a police officer, however, he suffered a tragic accident when he was cleaning his gun. His gun discharged and he shot an artery in his leg. Although he was able to call for help, it was too late. Amid this tragedy, Suzanne saw that Lorenzo's community loved him just as much as he loved them. Officers stood at attention at every freeway exit in southern California as the car carrying his body drove by. Thousands honored her sweet, loving Lorenzo. As we talked, I began to wonder if our two 'boys' somehow brought us together. I imagine a proud Andy telling everyone in heaven about his mom and her podcast, and Lorenzo thinking the podcast might be a good idea for his 'Mama Bear' to help her heal. When Suzanne emailed me, she wrote that I was her 'angel' who 'saved' her, but I'm pretty sure the 'angel' was actually Lorenzo setting things in motion.

    55 min

  3. 26/12/2024

    Episode 276: Zach's Mom

    Christmas Day was always Mary's favorite day of the year and 2020 was no different. She was happy as she watched through the window as her husband made snow angels outside with their grandson. The day seemed perfect despite the fact that her son, Zach had been unable to come home to Indiana from where he was living near his dad in Texas. When Mary's husband came inside, he commented that he had missed numerous phone calls from Mary's ex-husband. Mary immediately panicked, knowing that something must be wrong with Zach. However, never in a million years would Mary have thought that her ex-husband would tell her the devastating news that Zach was dead. He found Zach in his apartment sitting on his couch with his nebulizer machine running. It is now known that Zach died from asthma complications on the evening of December 23rd. I feel like all bereaved parents struggle with the holidays. As I sat in church for Christmas Eve worship, tears flowed freely as I remembered Christmases past and longed for the days when Andy was with us. These days of joy and celebration do not feel very joyful when we are grieving, but then I think of Mary and others like her - parents whose children died on or around Christmas. It just adds another complicated layer to the grief. It would be completely reasonable to think that Mary might want to avoid Christmas entirely. She might want to just hide away during the whole Christmas season, but that is not Mary. Mary's faith has been an inspiration since I met her when she joined one of my support groups through Starlight Ministry in February of this year. Despite Mary's own pain, she has been an amazing listening ear and a source of comfort to all of us who are blessed enough to be in a group with her. After sharing with the group for the past several months, Mary made the decision to share Zach's story on the podcast. When asked if she might want to share Zach's story on the week of Christmas, Mary knew that was perfect timing. Just as Mary's honest presence helps our support group each week, her story will bless each of you as you listen during this hard Christmas week.

    1h 1m

  4. 19/12/2024

    Episode 275: Faith's Mom & Dad

    45 minutes. Forty-five minutes does not seem like very much time, but it was a lifetime for Chris and Julie's first child, Faith, and it forever changed Chris and Julie. When the couple excitedly went to Julie's prenatal ultrasound, they first saw beautiful images of their baby but were then given devastating news. Faith was severely ill and doctors did not expect her to survive much longer. The couple was sent home expecting Julie to miscarry soon. Chris and Julie went home and began to pray. Certainly, they prayed for healing for their baby girl, but more importantly, they prayed that they might be able to meet Faith. Chris and Julie decided to make the most of this time of pregnancy. They talked to Faith, traveled with Faith, and even had a church dedication for Faith all before she was born. Then, at 37 weeks, Faith was born, and through a little miracle, her heart began to beat and her eyes opened. Chris and Julie got to experience the best 45 minutes of their lives, a time that they will remember forever. Then, just like that, the magic was gone. The hospital allowed the couple to spend the night with little Faith, but then the funeral director carried her away, and Chris and Julie had to continue living without their little girl.  Child loss is something that no parent expects. It is an incredibly isolating experience. As Chris and Julie slowly began to heal, they felt God calling them to help others experiencing this pain. They started an amazing organization, Faith45, which has two focus areas. The first is a mentorship program that helps match newly bereaved parents with a peer to walk beside them during their grief journey. They match the newly bereaved parent with a mentor with a similar story whether it be a miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant loss. These mentors work to be the hands and feet of God, offering a listening ear and an understanding voice. The second focus of Faith45 is to offer Faith Boxes to purchase on their website. Each box contains 8-10 items to help newly bereaved parents in their grief journey. Through Faith45, Chris and Julie hope to give a message of hope and healing.

    56 min

  5. 12/12/2024

    Episode 274: AJ's Mum

    Today's guest, Lorraine's young son, AJ, had a smile that would light up a room. Although a heart murmur had been noted at birth, it was thought to have resolved. He was growing and feeding well, and Lorraine had no idea that serious heart abnormality was worsening. The murmur was again noted after a fall at 7 months of age, and AJ was sent to Cardiology where it was determined that AJ suffered from a condition called aortic stenosis. He was scheduled for a cardiac cath to assess the severity of the stenosis.  On the drive to the hospital that morning, Lorraine turned around and AJ gave her one of his famous smiles. That was one of his last smiles because, during the procedure, young AJ's heart stopped. Despite medical interventions, they were unable to save her sweet boy. To say that AJ's parents were horrified would be a vast understatement. The last thing that Lorraine wanted to do was leave her baby boy in a cold hospital morgue. This is when Martin House  Children's Hospice stepped in. When I think of hospice, I think of organizations that help support families whose loved ones are dying. Martin House certainly does this, but it is so much more. The staff from Martin House came to the hospital to take AJ's little body and keep it cool. They allowed his family to stay with him for a full week until they were ready to put him to rest. They offered grief support to Lorraine and her family for a full year. They were everything Lorraine needed when her whole world was falling apart.  In addition to Martin House, Lorraine began listening to the podcast only one month after AJ's death. She says the parents who told their stories on the podcast became her friends and support system. She felt less alone as she listened and she felt herself ever so slowly begin to heal. Now two years after AJ's death, Lorraine works to help other bereaved parents just as she was helped. She is a resource for Martin House helping them learn more about helping parents and now she shares her own story with Always Andy's Mom listeners so they too know that they are not alone.

    56 min

  6. 05/12/2024

    Episode 273: Alyce's Mom

    When today's guest, Izumi, lost her young daughter, Alyce, to cancer, she felt like she had lost her identity as well. Izumi had given up her corporate job during Alyce's cancer treatment thinking that she would be able to go back after Alyce recovered. Unfortunately, that day never came, and Izumi felt like she had become a completely different person. Izumi no longer fit into the role. She struggled to imagine what her future would look like.  A friend approached Izumi, wondering if she might be interested in training to become a life coach. Not having many options at that point, she decided to apply and was even granted a scholarship. The coaching classes changed Izumi's life once again. She started the classes to try a different career path. What she found instead was a truer understanding of herself. She understood her grief and pain more fully. She could identify things that would activate her pain. She felt like, for the first time in her life, she knew her true self.  Around that same time, Izumi started attending virtual support groups for bereaved parents and eventually in different in-person groups. The first groups were specifically for parents whose children died of cancer, but Izumi then attended a general child loss group, where she learned that she could bond with bereaved parents no matter what their child's age or cause of death. Through Izumi's coaching training and support group participation, Izumi discovered a new purpose in life. The coaching class helped her find her true self, and Izumi knew that she wanted to share that knowledge with others. Additionally, Izumi wrote a book focusing on the child loss portion of her journey. She titles the book, 'Writing to Heal After the Unbearable Loss of a Child.' It is described as 'a book, journal and a conversation. If you're grieving, consider it your steadfast companion through the pain. If you're supporting a grieving friend, let it be your guide when words fail.' The book is available on Amazon and an initial complementary call for coaching can be scheduled here.

    1h 5m

  7. 28/11/2024

    Episode 272: Andrea's Mom

    Today's guest, Linda, says that her life shattered the day a distracted driver killed her 26-year-old daughter, Andrea. Andrea had been living her dream life. She was happily married and an amazing mother to her 2-year-old son. Andrea was pregnant with their second child and worked as a social worker at a job she loved. Linda and Andrea were about as close as a mother and daughter could be. They were constantly texting each other, sharing bits of their day. Then, one afternoon, the texts just stopped. Linda was not concerned until Andrea did not pick up her son after work. Linda knew something was very wrong. From the moment police officers came to her door, Linda's life has not been the same. During those first days, Linda's husband needed to remind her to eat, shower, and brush her teeth each day. Every moment was a struggle, but ever so slowly, life became less difficult. Linda might have a good hour or two, then even half a day. Her healing process was not rapid, but instead a gradual improvement, happening over many years. Now, Linda is almost thirteen years into her grief journey. Linda is an inspiration to me, but not for reasons that people might expect. She is not an inspiration because she is doing 'really well', but because she acknowledges that there are still really hard days. Linda is honest and open about all of her feelings. She doesn't pretend to 'be over' her daughter's death because others think that she should be, and she openly shares when days are difficult. Three years ago, Linda decided to write a book documenting her grief journey. The book took her two years to write, and the result is a 'heart-wrenching memoir' that takes us on a journey 'through the full spectrum of grief with complex emotions'. Linda titled her book, 'The Road of Love and Hope' which is described as 'an epitome of how grief can be transformed into a legacy of love teaching the readers valuable guidance and management of emotions.' I am sure that it will help give hope to so many who are early in their own grief journeys. Thank you, Linda, for this gift.

    55 min

  8. 21/11/2024

    Episode 271: AJ's Mom & Dad

    Choose Joy. This is the motto that today's guests, Jen and David, decided that their family would follow after a prenatal ultrasound showed that their fourth son AJ would be born with not one, but two newborn abnormalities. He had achondroplasia as well as a rare congenital heart defect. They knew that AJ was facing a complex medical future, but they decided that they would face all these struggles with joy-filled hearts. Throughout AJ's 44 days of life, Jen and David chose joy each day. David described AJ as a 'little man with a big purpose.' His life was a roller-coaster of ups and downs, but ultimately AJ's lungs were unable to heal and he lost his life. After AJ's death, you might think Jen and David would have given up their 'Choose Joy' motto, but this has not been the case. Jen knew that she needed to do something to help her broken family grieve and she needed guidance. Jen immediately signed up for several retreats at Luella's Lodge, some for her, some for her and David, and some for their whole family. The peace and comfort that Luella's Lodge offered was truly indescribable. Jen found herself being drawn back again and again. This is the point in the story when Jen's path first crossed my own. Carrie, from Luella's Lodge, and I decided to do a special retreat this past fall for Always Andy's Mom podcast listeners. Although Jen had never heard of me or the podcast, she was the host mom for that retreat. Over the past five years of doing the podcast, I have felt God's presence many times, but I never felt it stronger than during that weekend.  God knew I needed a video editing team to help with the podcast's social media presence. God also knew that Jen and David needed to expand their production company by working with organizations they felt passionate about. As our relationship began that weekend, we both felt that by choosing to work with each other, we were choosing joy. Together, we can help make podcast episodes and meaningful videos for grieving families everywhere. I envision AJ and Andy both grinning down at us from heaven, proud to see their parents choose joy. *If you want to join me next fall at Luella's Lodge, go to luellaslodge.org and sign up for the September 25-28th retreat.

    1h 10m
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About

When pediatrician mom of three, Marcy Larson's 14 yo son, Andy, was killed in a car accident in 2018, she felt like her life was over. In many ways, that life was over, and a new one forced to begin in its place. Come alongside her as she works through this journey of healing. She discusses grief and child loss with other grieving parents and those who work to help them in their grief. This podcast is for grieving parents and well as those who support them.

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