You Cannot Be Serious Sam Newman

Dane Swan (born 25 February 1984) is a former elite professional Australian rules footballer who played for the Collingwood Football Club in the Australian Football League (AFL) Swan was drafted with pick 58 in the 2—1 AFL draft, and made his debut in Round 13, 2003 against the Western Bulldogs.
Known as a prolific ball-winner, Swan averaged almost 27 disposals per game over his career. Swan was a premiership player, a Brownlow Medalist, a three-time Copeland Trophy recipient, a Leigh Matthews Trophy recipient, and a five-time All-Australian.
Swan was notably runner-up in the 2017 reality TV show I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! on Network Ten.
Early life
Swan was born in Melbourne to Billy and Deidre Swan. He is a direct descendant of Thomas Flanagan, an Irish convict transported to Australia in 1849. His father Billy Swan was a highly decorated footballer in the VFA, winning the J. J. Liston Trophy twice and playing a competition record 302 games with Port Melbourne and Williamstown from 1976 to 1993.
He grew up playing junior football for the West Meadows Football Club in the Essendon District Football League and attended St. Bernard’s College in Essendon before playing his under-18 football with the Calder Cannons in the TAC Cup.
Swan's performances at the Calder Cannons were ordinary and he was perceived by some recruiters to be a larrikin with questionable kicking accuracy and work ethic, however, Collingwood showed an interest in him as a potential late maturer in the mould of his father.
Career
Swan was recruited by the Collingwood Football Club with pick 58 in the 2001 AFL draft. He made his debut in June 2003 at the age of 19, though he only played three games (against the Western Bulldogs, Richmond and Essendon). Swan managed just 30 games in his first four seasons in the system at Collingwood, and although he played some solid football in that time, he was not regarded as outstanding. He played much of this time with Williamstown, which was then Collingwood's VFL affiliate, and he was a member of its 2003 premiership team.
In 2006, he broke through, playing 21 games and finished sixth in the Copeland Trophy voting. Swan mainly rotated through the midfield and moved forward when required. His first nine weeks were productive, averaging nearly 26 disposals and kicked 15 goals, before a hamstring injury suffered against Brisbane Lions in round ten sidelined him until round thirteen.
2007 was considered his breakout season as he placed fourth in the Copeland Trophy and was a surprise packet at the Brownlow, leading for most of the night before finishing sixth with 20 votes.
2008
The 2008 Copeland Trophy winner had a strong year averaging twenty-five disposals, seven marks, three tackles and one goal a game. Swan led the team in total disposals (590) and kicks (368), second in marks (163), and third in handballs (222) and tackles (75). He had 14 games of 25 possessions or more and kicked two or more goals on six occasions. Round 10 against West Coast was one of Swan's best, collecting 34 possessions, 10 marks and two goals. In round 14 against Sydney, he had 30 touches and 13 marks.
2009
In the 2009 season, Swan averaged 31.8 disposals, 7.8 marks, 3.0 tackles and 5.4 inside-50s per game. He was one of the AFL's most prolific ball winners, along with being an in-and-under specialist winning the contested ball at most stoppages whilst also running hard.
In Collingwood's 2009 round 10 clash against Port Adelaide, Swan obtained 48 possessions, 22 kicks and 26 handballs. This was the best disposal count in a decade and was then the third highest-recorded disposals count in one match, behind Greg Williams' 53 and Tony Shaw's 50. It was a record since the length of game quarters was shortened from 25 minutes to 20 minutes in 1994, until surpassed in round 22, 2011 by Adelaide’s Scott Thompson (51 disposals).
He was ranked third for total inside-50s, fourth in total goal assists, first in

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Mark Alexander Jackson (born 30 August 1959) is a former Australian rules footballer who played for the Melbourne Football Club, St Kilda Football Club and Geelong Football Club in the Victorian Football League (VFL) and for the South Fremantle Football Club in the West Australian Football League (WAFL).
Known as "Jacko", Jackson's colourful and enigmatic personality often resulted in clashes with officials and teammates, which tended to overshadow the fact that he was also a capable full forward.
Following his football career, Jackson became notable for several television appearances, including commercials for Jenny Craig, Energizer and Nutri-Grain, along with several feature films. Jackson has also written an autobiography, Dumb Like a Fox, which was released in 1986.
 
Jackson was born at the Royal Woman's Hospital as one of six children to George Jackson and his wife Frances, and grew up in the eastern Melbourne suburb of Nunawading. 
Football career
South Fremantle & Richmond (1979–1980)
After playing colts and reserves football for Richmond in 1977 and 1978, Jackson started his senior career in the West Australian Football League, spending the 1979 season with South Fremantle. Coach Mal Brown employed Jackson as a forward to protect Ray Bauskis, a skillful but lightweight full-forward. Jackson kicked 53 goals in 22 games and Bauskis 66 in 17 games. South Fremantle finished second in 1979. The night before the second semi-final, Jackson returned to Melbourne after being told that the other players had voted him out of the team. He consequently missed out on playing in the 1979 grand final, which saw the then largest crowd in West Australian football history.
Jackson rejoined Richmond for the 1980 season. However, with Michael Roach and Brian Taylor at the club, there was no room for another full forward. Jackson spent the entire 1980 season playing in the reserves and kicked 131 goals.
Melbourne (1981–1982)
Jackson moved to Melbourne for the 1981 season, coached by Ron Barassi. Jackson performed a handstand in front of the Hawks full back, Kelvin Moore, reportedly after Moore had told him he "wouldn’t be a full forward while his arse pointed to the floor". Jackson on Open Mike said it was not pointed at Moore, rather it was directed at umpire Glenn James after he disputed a decision. Jackson kicked 76 goals in each of his two years with the Demons, leading the goal kicking in 1981 and one goal less than Gerard Healy in 1982. 
St Kilda (1983)
In 1983, Jackson joined St Kilda on a three-year contract believed to have been worth $40,000 per year. He played in the first nine matches (in which the Saints lost the first eight matches in a row) and kicked 40 goals, including 10 in Round 5 against Sydney. However, controversy reared its head again when he was relegated to the reserves for "disciplinary reasons" in Round 10, and then returned for the Round 11 game against Collingwood, where he was held to one goal in a high-scoring 16-point loss. Jackson was again dropped to the reserves, and suffered a bruised chest during the Sunday game. On the Tuesday following that game, the Saints had told Jackson his services were no longer required.  It was later revealed that, among other things, he had played a dangerous prank on club legend Trevor Barker by placing a brick behind the brake pedal in his car. He had also placed a lit cigarette butt in the pocket of club chairman Lindsay Fox in the social club.
Jackson spent the remainder of the year playing for the Melbourne Harlequins rugby side. However, his 41 goals were still enough to be the Saints' leading goal kicker for the 1983 season.
Geelong (1984–1986)
1984 saw Jackson return to the VFL with Geelong. He led their goal kicking in 1984 with 74. In total during his time at Geelong, Jackson scored 115 goals in 31 games.
Geelong started 1985 poorly with one win in the first four rounds but improved with five wins in the next six rounds to be in fifth position. But a

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