The Ten Thousand Things Sam Ellis, Joe Loh and Ali Catramados

The root of this physical urge is a spiritual one. The longing for an end to duality, a return to the state of wholeness. Sexual union is the closest you can get to this state on the physical level. This is why it is the most deeply satisfying experience the physical realm can offer. But sexual union is no more than a fleeting glimpse of wholeness, an instant of bliss. As long as it is unconsciously sought as a means of salvation, you are seeking the end of duality. On the level of form where it cannot be found. You were given a tantalizing glimpse of heaven. But you are not allowed to dwell there.And you find yourself again in a separate body. Eckhart Tolle The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual EnlightenmentThis is the fifth in a series of reflections by Joe on quotes he found helpful or striking. He has some good writing over at https://joeloh.substack.com/
Creators & Guests

Joe Loh - Host
Internet Archive has a free version of The Power of Now at https://archive.org/details/ThePowerOfNowEckhartTolle_201806/page/n11/mode/2upSource:
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenmentpresents itself as a discussion about how people interact with themselves and others. The concept of self-reflection and presence in the moment are presented along with simple exercises for the achievement of its principles. Published in the late 1990s,[1] the book was recommended by Oprah Winfrey[2] and has been translated into 33 languages.[3] As of 2009, it was estimated that three million copies had been sold in North America.[4] Author: Eckhart Tolle, Subjects: Spirituality, Psychology, 1997, Namaste Publishing, 1999 New World Library, 236 pagesAbout the author:
Eckhart Tolle (/ˈɛkɑːrt ˈtɒlə/ EK-art TOL-ə; German: [ˈɛkhaʁt ˈtɔlə]; born Ulrich Leonard Tölle, 16 February 1948) is a German-born spiritual teacher[1][2] and self-help author. His books include The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment (1997), A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose (2005) and the picture book Guardians of Being (2009).Tolle came to prominence as a self-help author in the U.S. and internationally beginning in 2000, after Oprah Winfrey promoted his books in 2000 and 2005 and created webinars for him in 2008. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eckhart_Tolle
A longer summary of the book here: https://medium.com/@saadwrkacnt/a-deep-dive-into-the-power-of-now-by-eckhart-tolle-ac6446b0aa7c
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That's from Eckhart Tolle from The Power of Now. I've always had the sense when it comes to sex, that it's more than just a couple of animals, rutting. There always seem to be a lot more going on in that realm for me and I do think it is a sense of oneness. The self dropping away. A merging with another person. A deep connection that I really haven't found in any other way. 
 
But also maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm putting too much on sex, and it is just a physical act with no meaning. But when I found this piece of writing, it really spoke to me about my experience of sex. But as he says, it's no more than a fleeting glimpse of wholeness. An instant of bliss. There's a much greater oneness, that's quite hard to talk about, that can be referred to as non-duality. A sense of nothing being separate. A sense of only the world, the entire world, existing in this present moment. Which is really what the book, The Power of Now is all about. And it is a book I've re-read about four times now. He does a good job of talking about something that's very hard to put into words. But I really believe from my own experience that it's duality that is the illusion and it's oneness that is the truth. So all the separateness and loneliness and apartness that I feel, it's actually an illusion. That brief glimpse of heaven that can happen during sex, it's actually a glimpse of reality. It's actually breaking out of the illusion. But I know for myself, it can become obsessive to pursue those moments. And then I head into something which is more like addi

Romantic Realities: Deconstructing the Romantic Love Myth
We dive into the misconceptions of romantic love prevalent in Western culture, drawing on a quote from You Are the One You've Been Waiting For: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships, by Richard Swartz. Get the book from Internal Family Systems Institute at https://ifs-institute.com/you-are-one-youve-been-waiting
Sam mentions Let's Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating Advice podcast with Dr Morgan, yet again, but actually links to it this time. https://episodes.fm/1496034764 to find it on your podcast player of choice. But I use and recommend Podcast Guru, and Fountain, available on all phones ... anyway it's a great resource on attachment theory, and if you end up taking a workshop let Sam know how it goes.
Here's the quote:
Our Western culture and many of the relationship experts in it have issued us faulty maps and improper tools. We've been told that the love we need is a buried treasure, hidden in the heart of a special intimate partner. Once we find that partner, the love we crave should flow elixir like, filling our empty spaces and healing our pain. We touch on:
the usual gossip and personal experiences, in between the wise and reflective stuff.historic context of romantic love as an ideallikely role of biology in facilitating feelings of romantic lovevs the grim reality of marriage historically, as the transfer of property between menromance in mediathe unrealistic expectations it setsreflect on the nature of lovelove's challengesthe importance of self-love and realistic expectations in intimate relationshipsdynamics of attachment stylesmental health, and the balance between self-reliance and being a good partnera broader contemplation of love's realities versus its cultural constructionsEpisode image: courtesy of Craig - read stories and look at more great shots at https://wish-art.blog/gallery/
The show cover is from the filming of The KLF's Ancients of Mu clip - https://www.theguardian.com/music/2017/apr/27/return-of-the-klf-bill-drummond-jimmy-cauty
Show theme is from Ehsan Gelsi - he just dropped a new song video today - it's nice synth instrumental music. Watch the maestro at work over at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XN9XE0UKZDE
0:00 TTTT Is Love the Drug?00:18 Myth of Romantic Love02:10 Personal Stories: Rethinking Romance04:53 Debating the Reality of Romantic Love08:18 The Cultural and Biological Perspectives on Love32:42 Navigating New Beginnings and Misunderstandings32:54 The Journey of Moving In and Relationship Dynamics33:22 Relationship Flags: Red, Yellow, and Green36:10 Mental Health and Self-Awareness in Relationships52:54 Reflections on Love, Choice, and Commitment

(00:00) - Is Love the Drug?
(00:18) - Myth of Romantic Love
(02:10) - Personal Stories: Rethinking Romance
(04:53) - Debating the Reality of Romantic Love
(08:18) - The Cultural and Biological Perspectives on Love
(32:42) - Navigating New Beginnings and Misunderstandings
(32:54) - The Journey of Moving In and Relationship Dynamics
(33:22) - Relationship Flags: Red, Yellow, and Green
(36:10) - Mental Health and Self-Awareness in Relationships
(52:54) - Reflections on Love, Choice, and Commitment

Listeners are producers. Thank you for getting the show out.I reflect on my own podcast listening: helpful with insomnia, and a lifeline during tough times. Write me here
Reading a wide range of listener notes, I respond and explore 
personal themes:vulnerabilitythoughts on how to engage usefully with attachment theory, to go looking for the things we don't want to saythe two breakdown eps from Joe and Alivoyeurism: when is it okay to listen to people spilling about intense experiencesI say it's because people pod with honesty, because they want to be seen and accepted, flaws and all, so you're helping. If it's feeding something exploitative, you'll feel it.Themes around speaking, activism, expression:
the half-informed should speak, while being honest about their level of understanding, otherwise we will only hear from the powerful and the uninformed, who are never honest about their level of understandingmiddle-class white women do speak up a lot, but should continue to do soa brief history of middle-class women as key activistsI encourage a writer who listens, to start a show, and offer support and advice to anyone curious about getting startedNetworked communal media not subject to the algorithm
the communal, horizontal, networked experience of podcasts (listeners become producers, or step up to speak, in a mutually supporting way) audio over RSS: the last medium not to have been completely overrun by ads and algorithmsopen nature of podcast distribution via RSS feeds, Really Simple Syndication, contrasting it with highly vertical, platform-dependent media (LOCKED SYSTEMS = serfdom)commercial radio thrived on podcast-ish values before becoming a bloated ad beasta call for community support and contribution, reinforcing the collaborative spirit of podcasting listeners as producers, who contribute to the content and continuity of podcastsValue for Value, decentralisation: the philosophy we need for sustainable media in the age of closed platformsthe importance of fearless feedback in all directionsthe democratizing power of podcasts under techno-feudalismCreators & Guests

Sam Ellis - Host
Art by https://www.instagram.com/schinacoy/
(00:00) - The Life-Changing Power of Podcasts
(01:11) - Podcast Listening Habits
(02:07) - Podcast Listeners as Producers
(03:38) - Exploring Attachment Theory Through Listener Feedback
(06:21) - The Open Nature of Podcasting vs. Centralized Media
(24:18) - Embracing Vulnerability and Listener Connections
(25:06) - The Power of Envy and Personal Growth
(25:36) - Podcasting as a Form of Expression
(30:02) - The Impact of Listening and Speaking
(32:27) - Exploring Faith and Listener Feedback
00:00 The Life-Changing Power of Podcasts01:11 Podcast Listening Habits02:07 Podcast Listeners as Producers03:38 Exploring Attachment Theory Through Listener Feedback06:21 The Open Nature of Podcasting vs. Centralized Media24:18 Embracing Vulnerability and Listener Connections25:06 The Power of Envy and Personal Growth25:36 Podcasting as a Form of Expression30:02 The Impact of Listening and Speaking32:27 Exploring Faith and Listener Feedback

What we take to be a self is tentative, fictitious, constructed by clinging, a temporary identification with some parts of experience. Self arises, solidifying itself, like ice floating in water. Ice is actually made of the same substance as water. Identification and clinging harden the water into ice. In a similar way, we sense ourself as separate. Jack Kornfield - The Wise HeartThis realization that the separate self is an illusion must be one of the most useful things I've ever learned. I spent most of my life assuming that I was a separate self-contained unit and I felt disconnected from those around me. From the universe as a whole.
But where exactly is this seat of the self? Where's the little Joe who's up there in my head, directing everything? Where is the seat of attention? If I look for myself, where do I find myself? I find a constant flow of sense data, sights, sounds, smells, temperature. I find thoughts. But who are these thoughts occurring to?
As Jack Kornfield says, identification and clinging harden the water into ice. The closest thing I can find to a separate self is this contraction in my chest that seems to create some kind of locus in time and space.
But actually I am in no way separate from the flow. This has been seen through for me in meditation. What I find in meditation, if I have a good session, is I drop into a much larger, possibly infinite, ocean of awake awareness. Which mostly has a fairly neutral quality, but there's actually a lovingness there. A gentle sense of support. And I find this encouraging to say the least.
Of course, I have a social self and I need to function. And go to work and perform my roles in society. But there's no need to constantly reify the separate self, this particle, somehow split off from the rest of the universe.
What I actually find is an openness, a sort of infinite openness, where I used to imagine my separate self to be. Jack Kornfield talks about ice and water. I've heard it talked about in terms of a wave. A wave that somehow thinks it's separate from the ocean. Or a sunbeam that's forgotten it's part of the sun. I'm a part of something much bigger than I always took myself to be. But it's also something incredibly simple. It's just the present moment. I'm not separate to you who's reading this. I really am just part of this flow.
I only care about this because I guess I've always just wanted to know the truth. I guess I've always suffered feeling so separate from things around me. It's a great relief when I realize and drop into the fact that I'm this open, loving awareness. And I can then accept everything just exactly the way it is in the present moment. After all, what other choice, do I really have?
Creators & Guests

Joe Loh - Host
This is part of an ongoing series of reflections by Joe on readings. He's also posting writing at https://joeloh.substack.com Image: courtesy of Craig over at https://wish-art.blog---------------------More about the author of today's quote:
Jack Kornfield (born 1945) is an American writer and teacher in the Vipassana movement in American Theravada Buddhism.[1] He trained as a Buddhist monk in Thailand, Burma and India,[2] first as a student of the Thai forest master Ajahn Chah and Mahasi Sayadaw of Burma. He has taught mindfulness meditation worldwide since 1974. In 1975, he co-founded the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts, with Sharon Salzberg and Joseph Goldstein, and subsequently[clarification needed] in 1987, Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, California. Kornfield has worked as a peacemaker and activist, organized teacher training, and led international gatherings of Buddhist teachers including the Dalai Lama. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Kornfield
Website | jackkornfield.com
More about The Wise Heart

Thinking back on favourite films, it becomes clear what they say about us. Cinema, the Psyche, unveiling Inner Heroes
It's always therapy and psychoanalysis around here, movies are the vehicle. Favourite films reflect deep psychological themes and evolving personal identities. What we once found aspirational in a character, we might later rethink, or realise it was not the healthiest hero to have. Others may have been right for the time.
So we mainly talk about movies our younger selves were drawn to, Pulp Fiction, Terminator 2, The Matrix, Le Samurai, The Thin Red Line, Beaches, When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, Funny Girl, 'Now, Voyager', All About Eve, and Stella Dallas.
It's the usual mix of personal stories, and psychological insights, plus film analysis and some half-remembered film theory, looking at identification with film characters, self-perception, the making and collapsing of reality, and the separate self. We also touch on the gender dynamics in film identification, the concept of sacrificial love, and the role of cinema in shaping or reflecting social norms and personal dreams. It all brings us eventually to the universal quest for connection and meaning. We delve into how these preferences illuminate our aspirations, fears, and personal development.
Creators & Guests

Joe Loh - Host
Ali Catramados - Host
Sam Ellis - Host
Image: still from Cinema Paradiso (1988) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095765/?quot(00:00) - TTTT Film
(01:23) - Deep Dive into Favorite Films and Personal Identification
(03:28) - Self-image and cinema
(07:33) - The Psychological Impact of Film and the Matrix Deep Dive
(10:36) - Meditation, Reality, and Joe''s dis-Engagement with Cinema
(14:41) - Heroism, Mortality, and the Essence of Cinema
(21:02) - Heroism in Real Life vs. Cinema
(22:59) - Reflecting on how Mortality impacts Film Appreciation
(26:01) - Character Archetypes in Cinema
(26:30) - The Impact of Nature and Civilization in Film
(28:57) - The Power of Old Movies: Nostalgia and Reflection
(30:20) - The Power of Melodrama: Reflecting on Personal Sacrifices
(44:03) - Romantic Comedies and Their Influence on Personal Identity
(51:06) - The Secret Hopes and Dreams in Cinema
(52:55) - Concluding Thoughts on Cinema's Psychological Impact
00:00 Welcome: A Thought Experiment on Favorite Films01:10 Personal Film Favorites and Identity01:10 Deep Dive into Favorite Films and Personal Identification03:15 Self-image and cinema07:19 Psychological Impact of Cinema07:19 The Psychological Impact of Film and the Matrix Deep Dive10:22 Meditation, Reality, and Joe''s dis-Engagement with Cinema14:27 Heroism, Mortality, and the Essence of Cinema20:48 Heroism in Real Life vs. Cinema22:45 Reflecting on how Mortality impacts Film Appreciation25:48 Character Archetypes in Cinema26:16 Nature vs. Civilization: A Personal Journey26:16 The Impact of Nature and Civilization in Film28:43 The Power of Old Movies: Nostalgia and Reflection30:06 The Power of Melodrama: Reflecting on Personal Sacrifices43:49 Romantic Comedies and Self-Discovery43:49 Romantic Comedies and Their Influence on Personal Identity50:52 The Secret Hopes and Dreams in Cinema52:41 Concluding Thoughts on Cinema's Psychological Impact

“I have really found when I look around that the romantic love I see is this ideal, the anima. The anima is the ideal that you carry within yourself that you put onto the different entities out there and you unite with that. Pretty soon you see through the projection. And then what happens?”Transcript:That's Joseph Campbell from an interview he did. I won’t pretend to be an expert on what the anima is but I took note of this because it resonated with me. I can see that I've done this throughout my adult life. It's to project something, onto a woman in my case. And then basically have a relationship with that projection.
And there's an incredible high that comes from doing that. And they become perfected in your mind. And quite often I can take photos of women when I'm in this state, they will be sitting in a café or wherever, and it will be a particularly attractive photo of them. And quite often they get some kind of high out of it too.
But as Joseph Campbell says:
“Pretty soon you say through the projection. And then what happens?”
Well, in my case, what happens is I tend to end the relationship. And often the women are left hurt and confused about what went wrong.
And it reminds me of the Joni Mitchell quote about monogamy and how if all you ever have is short-term relationships and casual dating then basically, you’re just dating yourself over and over again. Telling the same stories, revealing the same small parts of yourself, and having the same fun.
Whereas to really go deep with someone and commit and really get into the complexities of getting to know someone is to have a much deeper experience. But I think that moves you past romantic love and chemistry and all the hedonism that's inherent in all those chemicals floating around. I think that moves you to something that maybe feels a lot more ordinary a lot of the time. That slow layering process of really getting to know one person.
And sitting here now I can see that that is an ideal for me. The problem I have is whenever I meet a new person, I tend to project my anima onto them and have the same relationship over and over again. I’m trying to get out of that trap and move onto hopefully something more profound.
Creators & Guests

Joe Loh - Host
Image by Craig: writing and sharing pictures of his current travels with the beloved missus and greyhound over at wish-art.blog-----------Sam here. This is part of an ongoing series from Joe, of short personal reflections on quotes found during reading, usually on spirituality, and psychology. Joe is writing at https://joeloh.substack.comJoseph Campbell is also one of my go-to teachers. Not necessarily an authority on up to date folklore, but certainly someone who can open you up to new ideas and give you courage to face fears and challenges. Campbell has helped many people greatly with perhaps one the hardest things in life, to actually face our true purposes and choose to move towards lives of greater meaning and yes, love.
Reading about anima/animus, I found an interesting summary of Jung's four levels of Eros (erotic romantic love) associated with development/integration of the anima. Maturation of romantic love felt towards women, moves from:1. Eve: desire, needs, nourishment, security and love2. Helen: recognition of women's intelligence, competences and achievements in their own right3. Mary: Righteous, paragon of virtue: recognition of women's moral accomplishments I would say4: Sophia: finally recognising women as wise and fully human, *gasp*, equal, and not at all an object.
-----------I also found Maria Popova's wonderful article in the Marginalian, a great match with Joe's reflection today. Reviewing Pathways to Bliss, Campbell's book on love, purpose and reality, she also quotes Anais Nin, Zen teacher D.T Suzuki, Stendahl, Dan Savage and the poet Rilke. Popova offers a striking synthesis drawing on many sources, persuading us powerfully that embracing imperfection and compassion is the pat