The Imperfects

Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg

We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.

A LITTLE MORE IMPERFECTS

Bonus episodes every fortnight.

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  1. hace 8 h

    Zoë Foster Blake - Perimenopause, ADHD & Everything That Helped with Dr Fatima Khan

    This is not your mother’s perimenopause. 💌 To join our journaling club, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ Joined by guest host Zoë Foster Blake, and Dr Fatima Khan, we’re diving head first into perimenopause: the what, the why, and the how-the-f**k to deal with it. Typically beginning in your late 30’s, and in your brain of all places, perimenopause symptoms include heightened anxiety, irritability, sleep disturbances, brain fog … all things that make you feel further and further away from your best self. Beginning 5 -7 years BEFORE your last menstrual period, perimenopause can coincide with postpartum, the most important presentation of your career to date, and the uncovering of neurodivergence, which may have been painstakingly masked until this shift in hormones. With the expertise of Dr Fatima, and the lived experience of Zoë, we hope this episode makes you feel seen, less alone, and ready to have THAT conversation with your GP. Chapters 00:00:00 The Truth of Perimenopause [TRAILER] 00:01:09 The Meet Cute of Zoe Foster Blake and Dr Fatima Khan 00:06:55 Is this Perimenopause? Early Signs + Symptoms 00:07:41 Zoe’s Perimenopause Journey: No Sleep, Anxiety, Rage, Repeat. 00:09:56 Volcanic Rage, Explained 00:14:59 What Doctor’s Miss: Misdiagnosis + Antidepressants 00:15:57 Why Your Husband Is Breathing Too Loud 00:20:18 Perimenopause Mental Health Screening 00:21:25 Debunking the “You’re Too Young” Myth 00:23:43 Is it Anxiety? Depression? Perimenopause? 00:25:26 The Pill, The Mirena + The Modern Woman in Peri 00:30:44 Loosing Yourself in Peri: Brain Fog + Dementia Fears 00:32:10 The Importance of Testosterone 00:36:00 HRT Myths: Re-educating a generation 00:39:04 A Script for a Script: What to say to your GP 00:41:12 Perimenopause Is a Multi-Organ Syndrome 00:46:09 High Achieving Women + Peri = Shame 00:46:47 When Perimenopause Unmasks Your ADHD 00:54:26 Trauma Reactivation in Perimenopause 00:57:17 Pills + Skills: Why HRT Alone Isn’t Enough 00:58:41 The Longevity of It All 01:00:30 Nutrition 📚Things to read Group Chat, by Zoë Foster Blake - https://bit.ly/4efqR70 Hormone Health is Mental Health, by Dr Fatima Khan - https://bit.ly/4j6G2Ts 💻Things to check out Australasian Menopause Society - menopause.org.au Meno-D questionnaire - https://bit.ly/3Toj3sN Zela Wellbeing - https://bit.ly/4ARGFXu 🎧Imperfects episodes for MORE on hormones Zoë Foster Blake - Zero Lucks Given - https://bit.ly/4y8xwHx Dr Louise Newson - Maybe it’s Menopause - https://bit.ly/4i7xM3F Dr Louise Newson - It’s Hormones. Period. - https://bit.ly/47ya9w2 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

    Zoë Foster Blake - Perimenopause, ADHD & Everything That Helped with Dr Fatima Khan
  2. 4 oct

    How OCD Hijacks Your Brain with Angie Greene

    Angie’s OCD obsessions are that she has committed her worst, most insidious, fears. 💌 Join 9,500+ others in our newsletter community - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ Officially diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) when she was 19, some of Angie’s earliest memories are of obsessions, compulsions and seeking reassurance. Joining us in the studio, Angie talks to Hugh, Ryan and Josh about the reality of living with OCD, how she navigates particularly bad episodes with her partner, and why she wouldn’t wish it on her worst enemy Angie explains false memories, and the lengths she has gone to seek reassurance, and finally, why it is so important to her to create something that helps people feel less alone. In amongst all of the OCD chat, Hugh asks Angie about her anti-discrimination work and the beautiful story of where that passion came from. Chapters 00:00:00 – Trailer 00:01:27 – Angie + Hugh don’t do small talk 00:03:46 – Why Angie accepted an ARIA on behalf of Sia 00:05:45 – Growing Up in Sporting Royalty 00:07:45 – Why Angie’s Brother Came Out To Her 00:10:41 – “I’m Crying Because I Could Have Helped” 00:13:21 – Why Feeling Safe To Be Yourself Matters 00:15:02 – Angie’s Moral Compass: Where Does It Come From? 00:18:17 – OCD: Obsessions, Compulsions + Reassurance 00:20:45 – OCD Stereotypes vs Reality 00:22:52 – Feeling Like A Bad Kid 00:24:52 – Why OCD Makes Your Excruciatingly Self-Aware 00:28:02 – Examples of Intrusive Thoughts 00:30:23 – Invisible Compulsions: Kissing, Hugging, Incest 00:32:19 – Relationship OCD: Constant Fear of Cheating On Your Partner 00:34:37 – OCD False Memories: How The Brain Builds ‘Evidence’ 00:36:10 – Why Reassurance Seeking Never Brings Relief 00:39:13 – What It’s Like Loving Someone With OCD 00:41:40 – What OCD Has Cost Angie: Peace, Presence + Precious Moments 00:50:08 – Why Getting The Right Treatment Was Lifechanging 00:54:52 – What Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) Actually Looks Like 00:57:02 – How To Support Someone With OCD 00:59:01 – How Angie and Her Husband Manage OCD Episodes 01:02:53 – Finding Your People Through OCD 01:05:15 – How To Respond When Someone Tells You They Have OCD 01:08:24 – Tips for Supporting Someone Who Has OCD 🧠If you, or someone you know, has been diagnosed with or thinks they may have OCD, these are some great resources. In an emergency, always call 000. OCD BOUNCE - https://ocd.org.au OCD WA - https://www.ocdwa.com.au International OCD Foundation - https://iocdf.org The Joy Thief, by Penny Moodie - https://bit.ly/3VJaKZ4 It’s Not What You Think podcast - https://bit.ly/4iZppcj LifeLine - 13 11 14 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode Penny Moodie - Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) - https://bit.ly/4jxTPTd Penny Moodie’s New Book - OCD & Finding Joy Again - https://bit.ly/4rGXkJa Rick Davies - Living with OCD - https://bit.ly/4hxuLZY Issac Humphries - Coming Out On Court - https://bit.ly/3VZDHQA 💻Things to check out Andrea Wallace’s Website - https://wonderpsychology.com Angie Greene’s Website - angiegreene.com.au 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

    How OCD Hijacks Your Brain with Angie Greene
  3. 27 sep

    Luke Bateman - Gambling With My Life

    Mid 20's and $250,000 in debt. Gripped by a gambling addiction. How do you recover? 💌 Join 9,500+ others in our newsletter community - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ From the outside, it looked like Luke Bateman was living the dream: a professional NRL career with ludicrous pay checks and sponsorship deals. On the inside, Luke was battling a crippling gambling addiction, deepening depression and a widening chasm between the character he was playing, and his true authentic self. With immense courage, honesty and vulnerability, Luke takes Hugh, Ryan and Josh through the ups and downs of his recovery journey. Luke unpicks the difference between unconditional love and conditional help from his parents, and why his time in rehab was the best thing that ever happened to him. Luke speaks about how his journey with addiction impacted his relationship with his mum, and the gratitude he feels for her now, and how learning about internal family systems changed his life forever. Luke, you are such a beautiful person. Thank you for joining us today. This episode discusses gambling addiction and suicidal ideation. Please take care when listening. This episode is part of the BE HOPE Podcast Takeover, bringing podcasts around the world together to explore the themes of hope and how we can continue to make progress in a rapidly changing world - https://globalgoals.org/behope/ 🚨If you, or someone you know is struggling with a gambling addiction Call LifeLine - 13 11 14 Register at BetStop - betstop.gov.au Gamblers Anonymous - https://bit.ly/3TJ1C6d Gambling Help Online - gamblinghelponline.org.au In an emergency, always call 000 🩵To hear our chat with Luke about The Manosphere and to join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 0:00 – Trailer: $250K of Gambling Debt 1:26 – Be Hope Podcast Takeover Announcement 4:15 – Luke Bateman doesn’t fit in a box 6:06 – Growing up ‘soft’ in Rural Queensland 10:03 – Hiding Books from the Boys 17:11 – The Shame of Reading 19:22 – Chasing a Dream to Fill the Void 22:26 – Money, Drugs & Alcohol in Professional Sport 27:40 – Lies, Debt & Betting Company ‘VIP’ Treatment 30:26 – Should Gambling Sponsorship Be Banned? 31:11 – Rock Bottom 33:18 – The Phone Call That Saved His Life 39:45 – Rehab, Recovery + Relinquishing Control 43:40 – Inside Rehab “Get a Real Addiction” 47:21 – Recovery Is Not Linear 50:21 – Internal Family Systems: Healing the exiled child 56:05 – Generational Masculinity: Why Men Struggle to Connect 58:19 – Denial + Corporate Greed 1:03:13 – Luke’s Honesty Policy 1:06:08 – Unconditional Love vs Conditional Help 1:10:18 – Sharing Shame with Teammates 1:11:37 – Luke’s Message to Anyone Struggling Right Now 1:13:03 – Finding Your Way Back 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode Jack’s Gambling Addiction Story - https://bit.ly/4hFQmk1 📚Things to read The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane, by Kate DiCamillo - https://bit.ly/46FkS7v Keys to the Kingdom, by Garth Nix - https://bit.ly/4AnBxKB The Midnight Library, by Matt Haig - https://bit.ly/4d2Ozmx No Bad Parts, by Richard C Scharwtz - https://bit.ly/46FSGkU You Are The One You’ve Been Waiting For, by Richard C Schwartz - https://bit.ly/3Tp0gx8 🎧Things to listen to In The Good Books with Luke Bateman I Matt Haig: Writing What You Need to Hear - https://bit.ly/4jjvBvK 📱Things to check out Luke’s Instagram (and his thoughts on male silence) - https://bit.ly/46AnIuy 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Luke Bateman - Gambling With My Life
  4. 20 sep

    Dr Emily - The Phenomenon That Is Imposter Syndrome

    Do you live in fear of being found out as a fraud? That despite your years of competency, achievement and high performance someone will uncover the truth? Well, you’re in the right place. Our resident psychologist Dr Emily Musgrove is here to tell you that your imposter syndrome is nothing to be afraid of. In fact, it’s not even a syndrome. 💌 Get practical take-aways from this episode, and join 9,400+ others in our newsletter community - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ To get a little bit meta, Dr Emily explains that knowing that you don’t know everything, is a good thing. Especially if you’re starting a new role, or trying something for the first time. HOWEVER, the long-term consequences of the imposter cycle such as perfectionism, overcompensation, burnout, or even avoidance and procrastination, may impact your willingness to say yes to new opportunities, such as going for that promotion or asking for support. In this episode, Dr Emily asks Hugh, Ryan and Josh to think about the balance of their competence and confidence, and provides them (and you!) with four practical strategies for combatting this pesky phenomenon. And then, a weird amount of chat about Vlad the Impaler. 0:00 – An Emisode! 2:41 – Adam Grant is not an imposter 5:11 – Origins of Imposter Syndrome 6:45 – ‘Syndrome’ is the wrong word 8:19 – It all comes back to belonging 10:39 – How common is imposter syndrome? 12:20 – Fear of being found out as a fraud 15:16 – The evolutionary psychology of belonging and self-doubt 16:35 – Is self-doubt actually healthy? 17:42 – Is your confidence a mask? 18:57 – The Dunning-Kruger Effect 23:15 – The more you know …. 25:12 – Competence vs confidence 26:29 – The Imposter Cycle: anxiety, perfectionism, luck 32:09 – Becoming your own favourite artist 35:55 – Avoidance, procrastination + self-fulfilling prophecies 38:29 – Long term consequences ft. Hugh’s anus 45:26 – Authenticity as the antidote 46:22 – Less growth, less promotions 48:52 – Strategy 1: write down your skills 49:53 – Strategy 2: name your shame 51:40 – Supporting a friend with imposter phenomenon 52:29 – Self-doubt in a new role is a good sign 57:12 – Strategy 3: mentor a near peer 1:00:38 – Strategy 4: celebrate your success 1:02:57 – Creating a good workplace culture 1:04:06 – Belonging is good for business 1:06:25 – Want more on belonging? Dr Em, thanks for joining us. 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode Adam Grant - The Potential of Your Potential - https://bit.ly/4jc0DFM Dr Emily - We’re Longing for Belonging - https://bit.ly/4yElLJp Rana Hussain - Belonging for Connection - http://bit.ly/4odhGY8 Esther Perel - It’s Not Them, It’s You - https://bit.ly/4yxgljs 🎧Things to listen to The Curiosity Shop with Brene Brown and Adam Grant - https://bit.ly/4gT05mW 📖Things to read Hidden Potential, by Adam Grant - https://bit.ly/4AemQcv Hardwiring Happiness, by Rick Hanson - https://bit.ly/3T6IhM0 📺 Things to watch Mad Men - https://bit.ly/4cLB6zx 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Dr Emily - The Phenomenon That Is Imposter Syndrome
  5. 13 sep

    Andy Lee - DO NOT Listen To This Episode!

    When he was 15, Andy Lee’s mum forgot who he was. 💌 Join 9,400+ others in our newsletter community - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ Given only two weeks to live, Andy tells Hugh, Ryan and Josh how this news impacted his family, impacted his childhood, and continues to impact his sense of self. And then, we’re going all the way back to the early days of Radio Karate, and Hamish & Andy. In a long overdue conversation (recorded, of course), Ryan and Andy chat about their own friendship dynamic and why they both felt like the odd one out. Getting down to business, Andy and Ryan discuss how a bunch of 20 year old guys made tough financial decisions while trying to remain mates, how they learnt to give constructive criticism to each other, and with the blessing of hindsight, how they feel about that time now. Andy, we’ve been waiting for this episode longer than a baker with his oven off. 0:00 – 2 years of secret vocal coaching 4:35 – HOW long for one cartoon episode? 5:48 – When Andy met Hamish (and Ryan) 9:39 – The impact of getting cancelled after 5 episodes 10:08 – The best advice Andy received 14:07 – Jealousy, Jealousy 20:25 – The Four Way Split of Hamish & Andy 23:42 – Should we be recording this? 25:10 – Social media has replaced the paparazzo 26:11 – Andy’s nude photo scandal 30:23 – Inspiration and renegotiation 36:55 – The Vulnerabilitea House 38:02 – When your mum is given two weeks to live 40:30 – Rapid deterioration and rush to hospital 43:28 – Taking on the parent role at 15 46:04 – Furious at the new normal 49:09 – Why “Don’t Worry, It’ll Be Fine” is the worst thing to say 54:36 – Andy’s Dad’s incredible sacrifice 58:20 – The Lee Gazette 1:00:50 – Why we should talk about will’s 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode Ryan Shelton - Shame, Jealousy & Purpose - https://bit.ly/4A230B5 📺 Things to watch Institute of Sayings from Real Stories - https://bit.ly/4xBJHgq Do Not Watch This Show! - https://bit.ly/4cAwlIZ New Zealand Spy - https://bit.ly/4hdjPBI 🎧Things to listen to Andy Lee on Falling Upwards with Kate Langbroek - https://bit.ly/4yucp30 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Andy Lee - DO NOT Listen To This Episode!

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We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.

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