Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love

Pure Desire Network
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Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love

Since 2016, Ashley Jameson and Heather Kolb have supported, educated, and equipped women to experience sexual health, healing from betrayal trauma, and success in relationships. We know what it’s like to be in crisis—searching for answers—and continually hearing the churchy answer. Each week, you’ll hear real talk about sex and relationships from a biblical and clinical perspective.

  1. 2 DAYS AGO

    041 - I think I'm Done With This Marriage

    Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.org Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions: - I’m 62 years old and found out about my husbands porn addiction over 6 years ago. He had disclosed to me that he had been masturbating and using porn since he was 12 years old. It was devastating. We’ve sought help in many areas: from our church, groups, and counseling. The problem: my husband has never been able to achieve sobriety, ever. He has never stopped using porn and masturbating. I don’t know what should happen now, if anything? I feel exhausted, trapped, and beat down from this life. - Betrayal has been a part of our relationship since before we were married, and only when it happened this third time (that I’m aware of), I realized this man has not changed and is not working on changing. When I challenged him on this he dug his heels in even harder and became cruel with me like I had never seen before. We’re separated and I’m planning to file for divorce. But something is holding me back. I know women who are choosing to stay in situations similar to mine. I have peace with God in my heart about my decision to go. I feel there are biblical grounds for divorce in my case, but I’m just scared to officially pull the trigger. - We had set a boundary against porn before our marriage. Since finding out about his secret porn use, why should I stay and give him another chance when he already broke that boundary?

    17 min

  2. 18 FEB

    040 - What Do I Do After An Affair?

    Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.org Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions: - How do I start a discussion with my husband? He's now bringing up that he thinks I was unfaithful to him 10 years ago. He is currently texting with a girl that he used to text with in a sexual context 4 months ago. He says it's no longer sexual, just small talk and he's shown me some of the messages. - I felt neglected when he was deep in his addiction, and I had a one-night stand. How do we restore our relationship? - After years in recovery, my husband is still triggered by some of my behaviors that remind him of when I was having an affair. He did trauma therapy for years and has a lot of tools he uses to work through triggers, but sometimes gets stuck. How can I help him when I’m the source of his triggers?

    18 min

  3. 11 FEB

    039 - How Do I Support My Addicted Husband?

    Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.org Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions: - Do I have to have sex whenever he wants it to keep him from temptation? - My husband is working on his recovery, but he says he needs me to be more supportive. I’m crushed and angry. How can I tell him I am unable to cheer him on right now? - Is it true that men only feel intimacy through sex?

    14 min

  4. 4 FEB

    038 - Let's Talk About Control & Manipulation

    Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.org Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions: - What is the difference between being controlling and setting boundaries? - We are 6 years into recovery from my infidelity. My husband still associates my drinking with me being unfaithful. We've had to work through his controlling tendencies and unintentional manipulation in our recovery process. He is definitely more important than alcohol, but if I say I’m not going to drink, I feel like it’s giving into his controlling tendencies and I want to have the freedom to make that decision on my own. Is it really even about the alcohol? - When we got married, my husband had a sex addiction that I didn’t know about. He used me for years for his pleasure. Coercing me to get what he wanted. Eventually he divorced me so he was “free” to act out sexually any way he wanted. In recent years he’s been in recovery and we remarried, with no guarantee that I will ever be able to be sexual with him. How do we navigate sex after addiction, divorce, and remarriage?

    18 min

  5. 30 JAN

    037 - The Do's and Don'ts of Marital Sex (What's Not Okay?)

    Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.org Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions: - Over 30 years ago, an elderly woman met with one of our pastors to tell him that the Lord had told her that oral sex is a sin. He took it to heart, and preached a whole sermon about its evils. Is oral sex a sin? - If both husband and wife agree, is masturbation okay? - Is there a sexual act in the marriage bed that's wrong? I've heard on another podcast that anything having to do with a woman's butt shouldn't be done.

    11 min

  6. 23 JAN

    036 - Porn is Destroying My Marriage…What do I do?

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions: - Why does my spouse's porn use and inappropriate sexual behavior feel so personal (even though it’s not)? Understanding this has been one of the hardest parts of my journey. - My husband has, what I'll call, a porn addiction induced inability to orgasm. What I would like to know, is this fixable? He is in a Pure Desire group right now and just started Seven Pillars. If it is fixable, what do we need to do? How do we fix it? - My husband recently told me he's not physically attracted to me anymore, even though he loves me dearly, and I have no idea how to process or move forward from this. I just had our second baby and was already feeling insecure about the way my body has changed. He's about 6 years into his recovery from a porn addiction. He's a wonderful and caring husband in most other areas. I don't know how to be around him, much less have sex with him! I can't just relax in my own skin in my own home with the person who's supposed to be my safest place.

    18 min

  7. 16 JAN

    035 - Why Support Groups are Essential in Betrayal Healing

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions: - I’m close to completing the Betrayal & Beyond group but it doesn’t seem like our group will continue to interact much after the group ends. I am only 6 months into this journey and still feel like I need the support of a group (especially since no one in my real life knows about this issue). If the recovery process is 3-5 years, what do y’all recommend for continued connection after Betrayal & Beyond? Are there effective ways to try to get our current group to keep connecting? How can I keep building the support I need in my recovery (beyond individual therapy which I do already)? - My husband and I interact with other couples who've been through Betrayal & Beyond, Conquer Series, Seven Pillars, marriage counseling, etc. What can I say to the betrayed wives who don't want to let go of the anger, or they don't want to forgive their husband? Most husbands are actively trying to stay sober, but the wives feel like they are entitled to stay bitter. My healing journey is a success, because my husband's recovery is a success. My husband says his recovery is a success because my healing is a success. How do I share this with wives with sensitivity, but not come off as holier than thou? - How do I help the women in my group who are already divorced? Do you have much in the way of resources for them?

    20 min

  8. 9 JAN

    034 - Navigating Anger and Lack of Attraction During Sex

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions: - I feel rage every time I have sex with my husband. I am angry about how he took advantage of me all these years by having sex with himself and stealing my sex. I do NOT want him to feel any pleasure because he has already stolen enough pleasure for a lifetime through abusive behaviors. How can I possibly move forward in this relationship? And I’m a woman who likes sex. - I am severely unattracted to my husband. He has acted out for our entire marriage, lying about it and pretending to be someone different. He walks around fantasizing that some woman will save him because he is so insecure. I am attracted to men with emotional and spiritual maturity, and a strength that comes from their inner being. Now I just see him as a nerdy teenage boy and I don’t know how to move past this. What should I do? - Since my husband stepped into recovery, he is entirely different sexually. He used to never arrive during intercourse and now he climaxes so abruptly. This makes me angry. I confronted him numerous times during our marriage about his sexual issues in bed and he always lied and gaslit me about it. Now, our sexual relationship is totally different and I’m angry about it. How am I supposed to forgive 14 years of his lying, manipulating, and behaving like a child?

    18 min
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Since 2016, Ashley Jameson and Heather Kolb have supported, educated, and equipped women to experience sexual health, healing from betrayal trauma, and success in relationships. We know what it’s like to be in crisis—searching for answers—and continually hearing the churchy answer. Each week, you’ll hear real talk about sex and relationships from a biblical and clinical perspective.

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