The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast

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The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast Podcast

12-step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts. We share our experience, strength, and hope as we use the principles of the Al-Anon program in our lives. We talk openly and honestly about the problems and challenges as we face alcoholism and addiction in our friends and relatives. We share the tools and solutions we have found that let us live a life that is serene, happy, and free, even when the alcoholic or addict is still drinking or using.

  1. 6 DAYS AGO

    Navigating Retirement with Recovery – 418

    Retirement can be an exciting yet challenging phase of life. It brings forward new experiences and demands a blend of anticipation and adaptation. The principles and tools garnered through our journeys of recovery can play a pivotal role in navigating these changes. Mary H. shares insights into her retirement process and how recovery has helped her face the associated challenges. The Unexpected Path to Retirement Mary's journey began with mandatory retirement at age 65 from her long-term position at a company. Initially, she returned to work full-time as an emeritus employee. However, after a couple cycles of work and retirement, she finally embraced a more relaxed part-time, mostly remote, work arrangement. Mary reflects on the reality check retirement brings: “If my company didn’t have a mandated retirement, I would probably work until the day I dropped dead,” she admits. Redefining Work and Embracing New Hobbies While Mary looked forward to retiring, the transition wasn’t seamless. She envisaged a life filled with hobbies and travel but found herself facing unexpected disinterest in activities she once loved. “I found a complete disinterest in my hobbies that had previously been delightful,” she shares. However, through recovery efforts and discussions with her sponsor, Mary rediscovered a balance. She bought and refurbished a travel trailer, which injected joy and novelty into her life. She also enjoys kayaking.  Financial Adjustments and Spending Habits Another significant aspect of retirement is financial management. Moving from a saving-centric mindset to spending has been a complicated transition for Mary. With the help of a financial counselor, Mary established a clear budget and understanding of their financial capacities. “Have someone who is not emotionally involved, help you figure out your finances,” she recommends. The Search for a New Home Mary and her husband currently reside in a large, old Victorian home that demands considerable maintenance, prompting them to seek a more manageable living situation. By applying recovery principles, particularly the traditions, they are navigating the complex decision-making process. “We wrote all those things out, starting with what we could afford to spend,” Mary notes, emphasizing the importance of clear criteria and open communication. Health, End-of-Life Planning, and Continued Recovery Commitment As they age, health issues and end-of-life concerns become more prominent. Mary stresses the necessity of planning and being prepared for all eventualities, advocating for detailed and thoughtful preparation akin to how her in-laws had everything meticulously planned. Throughout her retirement journey, Mary underscores the critical importance of staying engaged with the recovery community. She urges those facing retirement to stay connected with their recovery programs, noting how crucial the support of her recovery network has been in navigating both the expected and unexpected facets of retirement. Conclusion Retirement is more than a cessation of work; it's a transformative phase that requires a blend of financial prudence, emotional agility, and active engagement in recovery practices. By sharing her story, Mary H. offers not just a blueprint but a heartfelt reminder of the continuous journey of self-discovery and healing that retirement offers—invoking the true spirit of recovery in every step of the way. “Keep close to your recovery community,” Mary advises, highlighting the ongoing support and strength deriv...

    1h 1m

  2. 9 SEPT

    Creating a Personal Higher Power in Recovery – 417

    Recovery can challenge us to transform our spiritual and religious understandings and underpinnings. For many, especially those emerging from rigid religious backgrounds, rediscovering or reimagining one's higher power becomes a transformative step. In this episode, Sara delves into her personal journey of redefining her higher power, lending an inspiring narrative to those struggling with similar paths in recovery. Overcoming a Fearful God Spencer: You wrote to me and said you wanted to talk about, as you put it, overcoming the God that was given to you from organized religion and finding the freedom to create a God of your own understanding, so that you are able to fully turn your will over to a higher power that you love and trust. Is that a fair summary? Sara S.: Yes, that's exactly how my newly created higher power has helped me more fully put Step 3 into my life. Sara’s initial experience was with a God formed by organized religion—a figure that was angry, judgmental, and fear-inducing. This “given God,” as Spencer referred to it, created a tumultuous inner life driven by guilt and fear. She felt compelled to be perfect and feared repercussions for any misstep, which profoundly affected her spirituality and recovery journey. Discovering a New Understanding with Steps Two and Three Recovery through Al-Anon presented a pivotal shift for Sara, particularly with Steps Two and Three, which focus on turning over one's will and life to the care of God as understood individually. For the first ten years, Sara white-knuckled through this process, holding on to a God she distrusted. It was only after distancing herself from organized religion and absorbing diverse perspectives in meetings that she began to creatively redefine her higher power. Sara S.: I listened and I heard a lot of things in meetings about people having a female God or nature or the meetings or people, animals. You know, we are told we can create our own God of our understanding. So I decided I was going to do it. Sara's initial attempts to envision a new higher power led her to create a God named Blake. Over time, Blake evolved into a composite higher power, drawing characteristics from four influential and supportive individuals in her life, resulting in a panel of higher powers that made her feel celebrated and adored. The Impact of Trust in a Higher Power on Recovery Fostering trust and acceptance with her new higher power significantly altered Sara's recovery journey. She began to feel more relaxed, supported, and secure, allowing her to engage with the steps more deeply and authentically. Sara S.: I am fully willing to turn over the care of my life to this group of higher powers. I don't ever feel afraid. I talk to them when I wake up all day long. If I need to give something up, it's very easy now. Sara's story is a powerful testament to the possibilities within recovery. By courageously redefining her higher power and embracing the Al-Anon principles, she found a spirituality that fosters trust, love, and profound personal growth.  Readings and Links During our conversation, we referred to these Al-Anon books: * How Al-Anon Works, described by Spencer as “the basic text of Al-Anon.” * Reaching for Personal Freedom, a workbook for studying how the Steps, Traditions and Concepts of Service can apply to our personal lives.

    41 min

  3. 1 SEPT

    Letting Go and Trusting: Exploring Step Three – 416

    Step Three states: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” We’ll be delving into this step, discussing its essence and sharing personal experiences. Step Three comes after acknowledging the hope for a saner life (Step Two). This step is about making a definitive choice to turn to a higher power for guidance. It is a decision step, where we decide to let go of control. For many, this step feels like the hardest because it challenges our instinct to manage everything ourselves. Spencer's Perspective I see the essence of Step Three as deciding to choose a saner way of life through a power greater than ourselves. Initially, I struggled to understand what turning my will and life over to a higher power meant, especially with my negative preconceived notions of God. However, the concept of a personalized higher power provided me the freedom to move forward without having to accept a predefined image. Mary’s Perspective I also had a complex relationship with my higher power, influenced heavily by others’ teachings and fears. Al-Anon’s concept that our understanding of a higher power is personal and flexible was initially puzzling but eventually liberating for me. This flexibility has become one of the most valuable aspects of my recovery journey. It allows us to accept various definitions of a higher power, contributing to our collective wisdom. What is this decision? The decision of Step Three is, in part, about letting go of the illusion of control over the uncontrollable. Letting go of the need to control an alcoholic's drinking or any other situation beyond our influence is a significant part of this step. Spiritual Flexibility Our program emphasizes that regardless of our religious background, each member can define their higher power in a way that works best for them. This step calls us to commit our worries, dreams, and relationships into the care of that higher power. Mary recognized that letting go of specific expectations, particularly concerning her marriage, was necessary for actual progress. Acceptance allowed her to experience a transformed relationship without the burden of unrealistic control. The Path Forward Even after making the decision, the actual practice of Step Three is an ongoing process. It requires continuous surrender and a readiness to adapt. It's okay to step back and renew this decision repeatedly. Ultimately, deciding to turn our will and lives over to a higher power places us in much more capable hands. It provides a sense of trust and the realization that even if things don’t go as planned, we will be cared for. Readings and Links We read from How Al-Anon Works, pp, 49-51, Chapter 8, The Twelve Steps, the section titled Step 3. Spencer also mentioned the book Paths to Recovery. Upcoming topics We are working our way through the 12 Steps. What has been your experience the steps? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Rihanna – Lift Me Up Billie Eilish – What Was I Made For?

    1h 7m

  4. 20 AUG

    Finding Hope and Sanity: Exploring Step Two – 415

    Spencer opens the discussion by reiterating Step Two: “[We] came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Bruce notes that their discussion is a reflection of their personal experiences.. Personal Narratives of Insanity and Restoration Both Spencer and Bruce share their personal stories, highlighting their past struggles and how they found a path to sanity. Bruce recalls the powerful impact of realizing his own insanity – living repeatedly with unrealistic expectations from his alcoholic partner. He shares how actionable feedback from a coworker played a crucial role in his self-awareness and subsequent change. Spencer resonates with this, recounting his own experiences of anger and frustration and how they manifested not just at home but also at work. Finding Serenity Through Fellowship They discuss the transformative power of fellowships like Al-Anon. Spencer talks about how attending meetings, hearing others' stories, and engaging with the Al-Anon literature provided him with a sense of relief and direction. Bruce echoes these sentiments, sharing his initial misunderstanding that Al-Anon would offer tools to control his qualifier, only to find out that it led to his own healing and understanding. What is a Higher Power, anyway? Their conversation explores the concept of a ‘power greater than ourselves' and its significance in the recovery process. This higher power doesn't have to be defined traditionally. Bruce finds support and empathy in various forms of community, acknowledging that serenity and sanity can come from unexpected places. Spencer points out that for many, this ‘power' may start as the collective wisdom of a supportive group rather than a divine entity. Final Thoughts Step Two asks us to open our hearts to the possibility that a power greater than ourselves can bring us to sanity. Whether that power is found within the support of a fellowship, through spiritual belief, or in the wisdom of collective experience, it holds the potential to guide us towards a healthier and more serene way of living. Recovery is not a solitary path; it is a journey enriched by the supportive presence of others and the belief in something greater than our individual struggles. Readings and Links We read from How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 8, Step 2 section. In response to a listener question, Spencer also mentioned the book Paths to Recovery. Upcoming topics We are continuing to work through the 12 Steps. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show U2 – Running to Stand Still Depeche Mode – Blasphemous Rumours Dream Theater – Barstool Warrior

    55 min

  5. 8 AUG

    Surviving Alex: A Mother’s Story of Love, Loss, and Addiction – 414

    I had the privilege of speaking with Pat R., the author of the heartfelt and powerful book “Surviving Alex: A Mother's Story of Love, Loss, and Addiction.” This story may resonate with you if you are grappling with the complex combination of mental illness and addiction. A Mother's Heartfelt Journey Pat's journey began with her son, Alex, who faced overwhelming challenges with both mental illness and addiction. Tragically, Alex did not survive his illnesses, but Pat has bravely taken her pain and turned it into a beacon of hope and understanding for others.  What Pat reveals in her book is not just a personal story but a broader critique of how our society handles addiction and mental illness. Pat eloquently argues for a shift from punitive measures towards harm reduction and compassionate care. Her personal narrative underscores the need for systemic change—how the criminalization of drugs and the lack of comprehensive, compassionate treatment pathways often lead to devastating outcomes. A central point of the conversation was the critical need for time in treating addiction and mental health issues. Pat cited research indicating that a significant percentage of individuals with substance use disorders improve over time with appropriate support. She advocated for longer-term, comprehensive care rather than the brief, often ineffective stints typical of many insurance-covered programs. Pat described her family's struggle with Alex's addiction as a “carousel ride from hell,” capturing the relentless and chaotic nature of their experience. She expressed frustration with the limited and often ineffective treatment options available, emphasizing the need for multiple pathways to recovery. Not every solution fits all, and recognizing this can ensure more people receive the help they need. Counterfactual Inquiry and Harm Reduction In an excerpt from the epilogue of her book, Pat explores a counterfactual inquiry, imagining a world where harm reduction strategies were more accessible to Alex. She postulates that such strategies might have allowed Alex to manage his addiction in a safer environment, potentially saving his life. This section serves as a critical reflection on how current systems fail those in desperate need of alternative recovery options and supportive environments. Finding Hope and Community Despite the pain and tragedy, Pat has found ways to channel her grief into advocacy and hope. She speaks passionately about the need for a supportive community and the importance of multiple recovery pathways. Organizations like Mobilize Recovery have provided her with a sense of belonging and purpose. Spencer closed the conversation by asking Pat what advice she might have for families currently facing similar struggles. Pat emphasized recognizing risk factors, understanding that impulsivity and risk-taking are typical behaviors, and the importance of early intervention and comprehensive support systems. Resources and Further Reading For those seeking more information and support, Pat recommended visiting her website at patroos.com, where she continually updates resources. The book “Surviving Alex: A Mother's Story of Love, Loss, and Addiction” not only provides an intimate look at Pat's journey but also serves as a guide and comfort to others facing similar challenges. Pat mentioned a couple of resources directly: the organization Mobilize Recovery and a newsletter,

    1h 13m

  6. 4 JUL

    Step One: Finding Strength in Surrender – 413

    Spencer and Nora explore Step One of Al-Anon, which is about admitting powerlessness over alcohol and recognizing the unmanageability in one's life. They read from the book ‘How Al-Anon Works' and discuss how their lives have been impacted by others' alcoholism. Both hosts share personal anecdotes on their journey to accepting their lack of control and finding serenity through Al-Anon principles. The discussion aims to provide insights into the struggles and rewards of embracing Step One, with a highlight on the hope and relief that comes with surrendering illusions of control.  Readings and Links We read from How Al-Anon Works, chapter 8, pp. 45-47. A listener mentioned episode 301 Geneviève – Together we can make it. In listener feedback, there was some discussion of Blueprint for Progress, the Al-Anon 4th Step workbook, along with Paths to Recovery and Reaching for Personal Freedom, which are study guides for the 12 Steps, Traditions, and Concepts. Upcoming topics We are continuing to study the 12 Steps. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Van Morrison – The Mystery The Flaming Lips – Feeling Yourself Disintegrate Alabama Shakes – You Ain't Alone

    1h 6m

  7. 24 JUN

    Breaking Through Denial: Honesty is Essential – 412

    In conversation with Barb W, we dive into the vital role honesty plays in the journey of recovery, particularly in accepting and working the first step. The Challenge of Honesty We kick off the discussion with Barb reflecting on the necessity of honesty in recovery. Honesty often starts with acknowledging our own denial and deceit, both to ourselves and others.  Barb’s personal story details the emotional and psychological impact of living with an alcoholic. She talks about her initial denial and how her attempts to control the situation often manifested in deceit. She justified her behaviors under the guise of love, but they ultimately contributed to an unhealthy environment. Step One: Admitting Powerlessness Spencer and Barb explore the essence of honesty in the context of the first step: admitting powerlessness over alcohol. Barb explains how her journey towards honesty began with recognizing her inability to control the alcoholic behavior that surrounded her, despite her many efforts. Barb shares a poignant letter written by Lois W. during Bill W.'s battle with alcoholism. This letter resonates with Barb's own feelings of despair and eventual surrender, capturing the essence of hitting rock bottom and the subsequent surrender to powerlessness. Finding the Path to Honesty Barb recounts her initial steps in Al-Anon, emphasizing the slow and difficult process of getting honest with herself. She describes baby steps, a gradual peeling back of layers of denial, and the significant impact of having supportive, closed-mouth friends in recovery.  A crucial aspect of Barb's journey was the practice of self-affirmation. Encouraged by her sponsor, she struggled but eventually succeeded in telling herself “I love you” while looking in the mirror. This practice marked a turning point in building a healthier relationship with herself. Embracing Change and Responsibility Barb admits that her early days in Al-Anon were marked by resistance and partial commitment to the steps. It wasn’t until she experienced her “second surrender” that she wholeheartedly embraced rigorous honesty and accountability, leading to significant personal growth and recovery. Reflections Towards the end of the episode, Barb is asked what she would say to her younger self entering recovery. Her response encapsulates the core message: “You are not alone.” She emphasizes the importance of the relationship with oneself and shares how hearing someone say, “I’ll love you until you can love yourself,” was transformative. Barb turns the question around to Spencer, who echoes Barb’s message, “You are not alone”, adding “It will get better.” Readings and Links We read from * the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual, p. 23 (the paragraph ending “This is our denial.”) * Blueprint for Progress, Al-Anon's 4th Step Workbook, Honesty, p. 11. * a letter from Lois. We're not sure where you can find this — if you know, please let us know and we will add the link here. Barb has a TikTok about recovery. Upcoming topics We will be doing more episodes on the Steps. What is your experience with each step?

    1h 13m

  8. 7 JUN

    Growth and Challenges in Al-Anon Service – 411

    Being a leader in Al-Anon is fundamentally different from traditional notions of leadership. As we highlight in our discussion, Al-Anon leaders are guided by humility and enthusiasm rather than authority and control. This approach is rooted in Tradition Two, which states, “Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.” Understanding this principle is crucial for anyone facing challenges in their service roles. Diffusing Tension and Resolving Conflict Conflicts are inevitable in any organization, and Al-Anon is no exception. The Al-Anon Traditions and Concepts are key to reducing and resolving conflicts. In particular, we highlight these: Concept Three: “The right of decision makes effective leadership possible.” It’s essential to own the responsibility that comes with a leadership role and not let the approval of others dictate your actions. Concept Four: “Participation is the key to harmony.” By participating, we can, at least, express our thoughts and opinions, even when the outcome is not what we might desire. Tradition Four: “Each group is autonomous…” Respecting the autonomy of individuals and groups allows for a more harmonious environment. We mentioned some helpful resources, such as the “Loving Interchange to Resolve Conflict” wallet card and the booklet “Talk to Each Other: Resolving Conflicts Within Al-Anon.” Real-Life Experiences Mark’s Insights Mark shared his extensive service experience, emphasizing how the Al-Anon structure supports both horizontal and vertical communication. He pointed out that though service requires patience, it’s vital to remember not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good. He highlighted the importance of allowing dissenting or minority views to be genuinely considered, which aligns with Concept Five. Anne’s Perspective Anne underscored the importance of humility and enthusiasm in qualified authority. She reflected on how these principles could have made her family life more sustainable, reinforcing the collective nature of Al-Anon’s authority. Marylou’s Service During the Pandemic Marylou shared her experience navigating service challenges during the pandemic. Her proactive approach in moving meetings online and ensuring safe virtual environments showcased the use of Tradition Five and the importance of keeping Al-Anon accessible to everyone. Mary’s Experience with Bias in Service Mary opened up about her unique challenges as a person of color in Al-Anon service. She faced bias and scrutiny but used Tradition Four and Concepts Three and Four (Participation is the key to harmony) to navigate her role effectively. Her resilience and dedication to service were truly inspiring. Music to Inspire We love connecting themes from our discussions to music. Here are the three picks from the episode: 1. Roar by Katy Perry: The lyrics resonate with standing up for oneself and overcoming challenges. 2. Human by The Killers: This song reminds us to embrace our humanity and respect the diverse experiences and opinions of others. 3. Brave by Sara Bareilles: An empowering anthem encouraging us to speak our truth and be brave in the face of adversity. Eric mentioned a poster with QR codes that link to Al-Anon “find a meeting” and social media sites. You can download it here.

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About

12-step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts. We share our experience, strength, and hope as we use the principles of the Al-Anon program in our lives. We talk openly and honestly about the problems and challenges as we face alcoholism and addiction in our friends and relatives. We share the tools and solutions we have found that let us live a life that is serene, happy, and free, even when the alcoholic or addict is still drinking or using.

Information

  • Creator
    The Recovery Show
  • Years Active
    2013 - 2024
  • Episodes
    426
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    Copyright © The Recovery Show 2013

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