Coffee with The Couple Cure Jay & Lori Pyatt
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- Barn och familj
Betrayal nearly destroyed us, but we found ways to rebuild the trust and restore our relationship--and we did it without splitting up! Now our marriage is much better than before.
We'll use our 20+ years of researching best practices to give helpful techniques for your own relationship.
***The (S) after the Episode number means it shouldn't trigger women who are hurting from betrayal. Even still, please use your best judgment.
--Lori and Jay, Relationship Mentors
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REBUILDING TRUST: 15 SIGNS Your Relationships are HEALING from Betrayal – 5.09S
Ever wonder if your relationship has (or if your relationships have) healed from the trauma you’ve experienced?
*Note that, while this video mainly talks about marital relationships, the concepts APPLY TO YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS as well. If a well-meaning but uninformed friend, family member, counselor or church didn’t understand what you were going through, we'll share some signs to know it might be safe to trust the relationship again.*
While this video is not a definitive list, it covers 15 signs we noticed in our own marriage, as well as things our clients exhibit as trust is rebuilt.
Timestamps:
0:00 Introduction & Disclaimer
0:40 (1) This thinking changes
2:07 (2) “I’m gonna do this no matter what!”
2:54 (3) Accepting he is an addict (and what Lori used to think)
4:20 (4) Allies
5:01 (5) When he appreciates…
5:46 (6) Triggers
7:21 (7) Treating you as an equal, not as…
8:28 (8) His engagement in the relationship (not abdication, but also not…)
9:45 When Jay elbowed his way into our spiritual life together
10:08 Solution: Guys do this to help her heal
10:32 (9) Taking your feedback
11:24 (10) An early sign the relationship is healing—and the ‘her pain’ word picture that makes Lori cry
13:56 (11) When bad conversations are rare because of this…
15:32 (12) Recovering after bad conversations
16:12 (13) Peace, here
16:37 (14) He burned your life down, but…
17:27 (15) The ultimate thing that can give you peace in your relationship
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https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery
#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice -
15 Signs You’re Healing from Betrayal Trauma – 5.08S
***Disclaimer: You may have signs of healing that are not on this list. This list is not definitive; it’s just what we have seen in our work with betrayed partners of porn addicts / sex addicts.***
Ever wonder if you’ll know when you’ve healed from the trauma you’ve experienced? This video covers many signs Lori noticed in her own life, and that our clients exhibit as they recover as well.
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro and *Disclaimer* (and what to expect)
1:04 1-Your creativity will…
3:05 2-Techniques that work for you
3:35 3-Playing again
4:36 4-Regarding the brain fog
5:22 5-Problems with computers/phones
6:43 6-Regarding your household tasks
7:31 7-When you sleep at night
8:35 One thing that increases brain fog
9:05 8-You and Grace
10:01 9-When you say, “I matter”
10:39 10-Happiness or manic-ness (I used to fake it)
11:21 11-The smaller joys
12:33 12-Your triggers
12:44 13-New experiences (a client story)
13:53 Your triggers, revisted
16:01 14-Things that concerned you before…
16:31 15-Getting excited about… (and our cat, Morgan)
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https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery
#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice -
Does He Really Not Know? (‘I have to ask the right questions) – 5.07S
Sometimes addicts answer with “I don’t know” to questions like, “when did it start?” “how often?” and “did you ever see ___?” And his not knowing can leave the betrayed partner feeling very skeptical. Is it possibly he really doesn’t remember? This video dives into that question.
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:07 Question: Do porn addicts really not remember some specifics?
0:23 What one CSAT said (it IS possible)
1:21 Jay’s memories
1:44 When betrayed partners have to ask just the right question (openness)
2:37 One caution to porn/sex addicts
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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website
https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery
#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice -
What Should Recovering Addicts Watch Out For? (10 Hidden Pitfalls) – 5.06S
Join us as we tackle what recovering addicts need to watch out for on the journey to sobriety. We’ll give practical tips for those in recovery such as avoiding triggers, the “why” behind choosing sobriety, as well as why YOUR PARTNER IS NOT YOUR ENEMY. Because we include a couple of solutions (including an easy way to see if you’re edging) this video can help you increase your self-awareness and decrease your dependency, and also support your wife’s healing.
Oh, and here is the link to the video we reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBrVb9T4Bxk)
Timestamps
0:00 Intro
0:53 1-Sobriety does not heal relationships if... (& re-sensitization)
4:11 2-Visual Sips / Solution: One second=look. Two seconds= …
5:10 Solution: One easy way to see if you might be edging
6:47 3-Doing this for someone else / then they "become the problem" to you
8:01 4-"But no one can get free of this!" / when the little blue pill didn't work
9:25 5-Groups where the leader isn't free / "I'm gonna stumble eventually"
11:17 6-Wanting her to celebrate right away / why she's still leery
13:10 7-Two SIGNS you might be on the slippery slope
15:11 8-My wife can't give me that level of... / how Jay answers that now
18:03 9-She should never be an ‘enemy’ to you / when she's treated as your equal
19:44 Solution: Feel she is your enemy? / she helps with a goal of yours
21:46 10-Impatience might be a sign that… / Solution: one of the first things you can do
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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website
https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery
#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice -
Friends say I should leave–What should I do? (3 Things to Try) – 5.05S
What should you do if the addict keeps relapsing/betraying you–especially if your friends keep telling you to leave? Should you divorce? Should you stay? Can life get any better if he keeps relapsing and lying? We talk about this, while giving you 3 things to try.
0:00 Intro
0:07 Question: My friends say I should leave my husband because he keeps relapsing–what do you think?
0:26 Lori’s thoughts (what she told one friend)
0:48 You can stay and have a really good life
1:01 Solution 1: God / Viewing the relationship differently
2:50 Narcotics Anonymous says it this way
3:34 Relapse is not inevitable if…
3:54 Solution 2: What makes recovery easier
4:23 Solution 3: “Give back” to your wife versus to a group (and why)
4:58 What Jay used to say about his relationship with God
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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website
https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery
#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice -
He Lies about Me to His Counselor (“my apology should be enough!”) – 5.04S
In our work, we have seen some husband’s who have lied about their wives to the helping community–lying to pastors, counselors, family and friends–about her. Or the husband will diagnose her with a mental disorder of some sort. We address that topic, as well as what a partner can do, in this situation.
0:00 Intro & Question
0:34 When the husband thinks, “My apology should be enough!”
0:50 One early professional opinion
1:13 Solution for partners (and what the addict can do)
2:16 The main goal of his helping community
2:47 A probable truth about your husband
3:07 Solution: One thing you can say to your husband
3:43 Solution: Another thing you can say
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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website
https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery
#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice