Coffee with The Couple Cure Jay & Lori Pyatt

If someone in your life says THEY CAN’T HELP HOW THEY ACT in relationship because of what happened to them in the past, we cover one way to tell, and offer a few solutions.

Note: while this video is in response to someone’s question about their husband [after a CSAT said ‘disclosure would be a waste of time,’] the concepts can be used in your other relationships as well.





Timestamps:

0:00 Intro

0:07 Question: Disclosure a WASTE OF TIME due to…? (“EMOTIONAL INVALID”)

0:55 I explain EMPATHY Daily / I carry the load

1:15 Answer on having to explain EMPATHY

1:42 Solution: If counselor says DISCLOSURE is a waste of time

2:05 Solution: HOW TO KNOW if his past trauma halts your healing

3:00 Jay used past trauma to deflect (EMOTIONAL HIJACKING)

3:24 The more he feels REAL FEELINGS…

3:54 Answer regarding If he does have childhood trauma

4:31 Solution & THE KEY SIGN for Lori



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https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website

https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

Ever wonder if your relationship has (or if your relationships have) healed from the trauma you’ve experienced?



*Note that, while this video mainly talks about marital relationships, the concepts APPLY TO YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS as well. If a well-meaning but uninformed friend, family member, counselor or church didn’t understand what you were going through, we'll share some signs to know it might be safe to trust the relationship again.*



While this video is not a definitive list, it covers 15 signs we noticed in our own marriage, as well as things our clients exhibit as trust is rebuilt.



Timestamps:

0:00 Introduction & Disclaimer

0:40 (1) This thinking changes

2:07 (2) “I’m gonna do this no matter what!”

2:54 (3) Accepting he is an addict (and what Lori used to think)

4:20 (4) Allies

5:01 (5) When he appreciates…

5:46 (6) Triggers

7:21 (7) Treating you as an equal, not as…

8:28 (8) His engagement in the relationship (not abdication, but also not…)

9:45 When Jay elbowed his way into our spiritual life together

10:08 Solution: Guys do this to help her heal

10:32 (9) Taking your feedback

11:24 (10) An early sign the relationship is healing—and the ‘her pain’ word picture that makes Lori cry

13:56 (11) When bad conversations are rare because of this…

15:32 (12) Recovering after bad conversations

16:12 (13) Peace, here

16:37 (14) He burned your life down, but…

17:27 (15) The ultimate thing that can give you peace in your relationship



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https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website

https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

***Disclaimer: You may have signs of healing that are not on this list. This list is not definitive; it’s just what we have seen in our work with betrayed partners of porn addicts / sex addicts.***



Ever wonder if you’ll know when you’ve healed from the trauma you’ve experienced? This video covers many signs Lori noticed in her own life, and that our clients exhibit as they recover as well.



Timestamps:

0:00 Intro and *Disclaimer* (and what to expect)

1:04 1-Your creativity will…

3:05 2-Techniques that work for you

3:35 3-Playing again

4:36 4-Regarding the brain fog

5:22 5-Problems with computers/phones

6:43 6-Regarding your household tasks

7:31 7-When you sleep at night

8:35 One thing that increases brain fog

9:05 8-You and Grace

10:01 9-When you say, “I matter”

10:39 10-Happiness or manic-ness (I used to fake it)

11:21 11-The smaller joys

12:33 12-Your triggers

12:44 13-New experiences (a client story)

13:53 Your triggers, revisted

16:01 14-Things that concerned you before…

16:31 15-Getting excited about… (and our cat, Morgan)



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https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website

https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

Sometimes addicts answer with “I don’t know” to questions like, “when did it start?” “how often?” and “did you ever see ___?” And his not knowing can leave the betrayed partner feeling very skeptical. Is it possibly he really doesn’t remember? This video dives into that question.



Timestamps:

0:00 Intro

0:07 Question: Do porn addicts really not remember some specifics?

0:23 What one CSAT said (it IS possible)

1:21 Jay’s memories

1:44 When betrayed partners have to ask just the right question (openness)

2:37 One caution to porn/sex addicts



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

Join us as we tackle what recovering addicts need to watch out for on the journey to sobriety. We’ll give practical tips for those in recovery such as avoiding triggers, the “why” behind choosing sobriety, as well as why YOUR PARTNER IS NOT YOUR ENEMY. Because we include a couple of solutions (including an easy way to see if you’re edging) this video can help you increase your self-awareness and decrease your dependency, and also support your wife’s healing.



Oh, and here is the link to the video we reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBrVb9T4Bxk)



Timestamps

0:00 Intro

0:53 1-Sobriety does not heal relationships if... (& re-sensitization)

4:11 2-Visual Sips / Solution: One second=look. Two seconds= …

5:10 Solution: One easy way to see if you might be edging

6:47 3-Doing this for someone else / then they "become the problem" to you

8:01 4-"But no one can get free of this!" / when the little blue pill didn't work

9:25 5-Groups where the leader isn't free / "I'm gonna stumble eventually"

11:17 6-Wanting her to celebrate right away / why she's still leery

13:10 7-Two SIGNS you might be on the slippery slope

15:11 8-My wife can't give me that level of... / how Jay answers that now

18:03 9-She should never be an ‘enemy’ to you / when she's treated as your equal

19:44 Solution: Feel she is your enemy? / she helps with a goal of yours

21:46 10-Impatience might be a sign that… / Solution: one of the first things you can do



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

What should you do if the addict keeps relapsing/betraying you–especially if your friends keep telling you to leave? Should you divorce? Should you stay? Can life get any better if he keeps relapsing and lying? We talk about this, while giving you 3 things to try.



0:00 Intro

0:07 Question: My friends say I should leave my husband because he keeps relapsing–what do you think?

0:26 Lori’s thoughts (what she told one friend)

0:48 You can stay and have a really good life

1:01 Solution 1: God / Viewing the relationship differently

2:50 Narcotics Anonymous says it this way

3:34 Relapse is not inevitable if…

3:54 Solution 2: What makes recovery easier

4:23 Solution 3: “Give back” to your wife versus to a group (and why)

4:58 What Jay used to say about his relationship with God



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice