Kare With Korac Josh Korac

Dr. Liesel Sharabi is an associate professor in the Hugh Downs School of Human Communication and Director of the Relationships and Technology Lab at Arizona State University. She has published dozens of articles and chapters examining how technology is changing the way we meet, date, and fall in love. She has also appeared in media outlets like The Wall Street Journal, Bloomberg, The Boston Globe, WIRED, and NPR to discuss the topic of online dating. She writes a blog for Psychology Today called “Dating in the Digital Age.” For more information about Dr. Sharabi, follow her @LieselSharabi or check out her website at www.lieselsharabi.com.

In this episode, Dr. Sharabi and I discuss her research on relationships and technology, specifically focusing on online dating and dating apps. She explores the early days of online dating and the stigma associated with it, as well as the evolution of attitudes towards online dating. Dr. Sharabi emphasizes the importance of realistic expectations and taking the time to get to know different types of people. She also discusses the gender dynamics on dating apps and the experiences of different genders. Additionally, Dr. Sharabi shares her research on success stories in online dating and explores alternative online dating experiences, such as virtual reality. In this conversation, Dr. Liesel Sharabi discusses the risks and vulnerabilities of online dating and the future of dating in the digital age. She also gives insight on balancing online and in-person dating.

For more information on Dr. Sharabi check out her website at https://lieselsharabi.com/ Follow me @joshkorac on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube for video clips, podcast previews, and more mental health content! If you are in a mental health crisis, please call 988 or go to your nearest emergency room. If you are from Colorado and are interested in scheduling a session, please reach out at sojourncounselingco.com/josh or josh@sojourncounselingco.com.

Takeaways

Online dating has evolved from being stigmatized to becoming the most common way to meet a romantic partner.

Realistic expectations and taking the time to get to know different types of people are important in online dating.

Gender dynamics play a role in online dating experiences, with men often facing challenges in getting responses and women experiencing harassment.

Success in online dating often requires endurance and the ability to overcome negative experiences.

Alternative online dating experiences, such as virtual reality, are being explored but are still in the early stages. Virtual reality dating offers the opportunity to have a trial run of a date before meeting someone in person.

Online dating can feel risky due to meeting strangers, but safety precautions can be taken to mitigate potential dangers.

Online communication can make people more comfortable and vulnerable in revealing themselves.

The future of online dating may involve the integration of video and finding ways to address the problems and frustrations users experience.

Balancing online and in-person dating can provide more opportunities to meet potential partners.

Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Background

02:35 Interest in Relationships and Technology

04:49 Early Days of Online Dating

07:42 Stigma and Authenticity

09:50 The Importance of the Story of How People Meet

12:23 Balancing Expectations in Online Dating

14:55 Motivations for Using Dating Apps

16:54 Realistic Expectations and Meeting Different Types of People

19:25 Preventing Dating App Burnout

23:58 Gender Dynamics on Dating Apps

28:36 Differences in Experiences Based on Gender

32:26 Success Stories in Online Dating

39:09 Exploring Alternative Online Dating Experiences

39:52 Virtual Reality Dating

43:17 Risk in Online Dating

45:49 Vulnerability in Online Dating

48:43 Future of Online Dati

Ben Anderson is a husband and a dad of two beautiful daughters. He lives in Evergreen, Colorado and teaches geography at Conifer High School. He enjoys distance running, skiing, and camping with family with his black Toyota Tacoma. Ben used to be my rock climbing and cross-country coach (along with Ben Hershelman) when I was growing up. Ben introduced me to the outdoor climbing world by taking me to spots like Moab, Vedauwoo, and Canyon City, some of my favorite memories from middle and early high school!

In this conversation, Ben reflects on his journey from being a professional skier to becoming a teacher and father. He discusses the challenges and joys of fatherhood and the importance of being present in his daughters' lives. Ben also explores the different stages of life and the struggle to define his identity beyond his past accomplishments. He shares his experiences teaching at JA and the impact of relationships on his teaching career. Ben concludes by discussing his transition to Conifer High School and his decision to step back from coaching to prioritize his role as a father and husband. We explore various themes related to retirement, identity, meaningful relationships, family, uncertainty about the future, marriage, the American Dream, the pressure of the rat race, affordable housing and homeownership, and the power of positive words.

Follow me @joshkorac on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube for video clips, podcast previews, and more mental health content! If you are in a mental health crisis, please call 988 or go to your nearest emergency room. If you are from Colorado and are interested in scheduling a session, please reach out at sojourncounselingco.com/josh or josh@sojourncounselingco.com. New episodes every Wednesday while the show is in season.



Takeaways

Fatherhood is a rewarding and fulfilling role that requires being present and cherishing the time spent with children.

Identity can evolve and change over time, and it is important to embrace new roles and experiences.

Building strong relationships with students and colleagues is a crucial aspect of teaching and can have a lasting impact.

Finding a balance between work and personal life is important for overall well-being and happiness.

Reflecting on past accomplishments and embracing new challenges can help in navigating different stages of life.



Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Catching Up

02:45 Reflecting on the Past and Changing Relationships

06:42 The Challenges and Joys of Fatherhood

09:59 The Different Stages of Life and Identity

15:06 Moving to Conifer and Embracing the Outdoors

22:44 Meeting Amy and the Certainty of Love

31:47 Teaching at JA and the Impact of Relationships

39:44 Transitioning to Conifer High School and Coaching

44:37 Exploring Identity and the Midlife Crisis

46:19 The Importance of Family and Retirement Thoughts

46:49 Retirement and Identity

47:49 Meaningful Relationships

48:56 Struggling with Identity

49:49 Importance of Family

50:40 Uncertainty about the Future

51:54 Marriage as a Journey

53:05 The American Dream and Winning the Lottery

54:24 The Work of Relationships

55:24 The Illusion of 'Making It'

55:55 The Pressure of the Rat Race

56:49 The Struggle for Affordable Housing

58:24 The Privilege of Homeownership

59:14 The Importance of Positive Words

01:16:52 Words of Wisdom: Be Positive and Take Action

Dr. Ray Mitsch received his master’s degree and doctorate in counseling psychology from Indiana State University. After receiving his doctorate in 1986, he worked as a staff psychologist at Michigan Technological University. In 1988, Mitsch moved with his family to Illinois and began practice at the Minirth-Meier Clinic of Wheaton.

In 1993, he started his own counseling practice called Cornerstone Counseling Center and was in private practice until his departure to Promise Keepers in Colorado. He has had extensive experience in men’s ministry, and caring ministries within the local church. He was an adjunct staff member at Christ Community Church of St. Charles, Illinois, where he developed Harbor Ministries, a recovery ministry for hurting and struggling people in the church.

He has authored five books including his last book entitled, Nurturing Your Child’s Potential, and his best-selling book, Grieving the Loss of Someone You Love, selling over 300,000 copies worldwide. He was a charter member of the American Association of Christian Counseling and is a licensed psychologist in Colorado. Mitsch currently serves as the Chair for the Department of Psychology and was recently promoted to professor of psychology at CCU. He has been married to Linda for 39 years and they are blessed to have four daughters, and two grandchildren.

In this conversation, Dr. Mitsch and Josh discuss the topics of shame and grace. They explore the role of shame in trauma-informed care and the importance of creating safe relationships. They also delve into the comfort of shame and the challenges of giving grace to oneself. The conversation highlights the power of grace in fostering growth and acceptance. They explore the relationship with grace, embracing risk and joy, acceptance of self and limitations, perfectionism vs excellence, worthiness and taking care of oneself, living grace in relationships, reflection and self-examination, engaging in the process of relationship, and the narrative side of life. The conversation emphasizes the importance of understanding and accepting oneself, embracing grace in relationships, and engaging in the process of personal growth.



Takeaways

Shame plays a significant role in trauma-informed care and can impact various aspects of life, including relationships and personal growth.

Creating safe relationships requires discerning who is a safe person and being a safe person oneself.

The comfort of shame can hinder personal growth and prevent individuals from accepting grace.

Giving grace to oneself can be challenging, especially in a society that values achievement and perfectionism.

Grace offers the opportunity for growth and acceptance, and it is important to understand its true meaning and power. Grace offers an opportunity for growth and freedom, allowing individuals to take risks and experience joy.

Acceptance of one's limitations is key to embracing grace and moving away from perfectionism.

Grace enables individuals to accept themselves as they are, fostering self-worth and the willingness to take care of oneself.

Living grace in relationships involves trust, acceptance, and engagement in the process rather than focusing on outcomes.

Reflection and self-examination are essential for personal growth and understanding one's own emotions and experiences.



Chapters

00:00 Podcast Intro

02:57 Introduction and Background

06:41 Trauma-Informed Care and the Role of Shame

14:05 Understanding Shame and Grace

21:45 Creating Safe Relationships

34:19 The Comfort of Shame

40:58 Giving Grace to Others and Ourselves

49:22 The Scandal of Grace

54:36 The Relationship with Grace

55:30 Embracing Risk and Joy

56:30 Acceptance of Self and Limitations

58:04 Perfectionism vs Excellence

59:03 Worthiness and Taking Care of Oneself

59:33 Living Grace in Relationships

01:00:10 Reflection and Self-Examination

01:02:13 Engaging in the Process of Relationship

01:02:36 The Narrative Side of Life

01:03

Dr. Stephanie Sarkis is a psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience specializing in ADHD, anxiety, & narcissistic abuse. She is a bestselling author and an American Mental Health Counselors Association Diplomate and Clinical Mental Health Specialist in Child and Adolescent Counseling – one of only 20 in the U.S. She is a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family and Circuit Civil Mediator. Dr. Sarkis is also a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a National Certified Counselor. She is a senior contributor to Forbes, and is also a contributor to Psychology Today. Dr. Sarkis has a PhD, EdS, and MEd in Mental Health Counseling from the University of Florida. She maintains a private practice in Tampa, Florida, where she provides telehealth sessions and facilitates collaborative divorce. Dr. Sarkis received an Outstanding Dissertation Award from the American Psychological Association for her research on comorbid ADHD and the executive functions of the brain in a pediatric population.

In this episode, Dr. Sarkis and I discuss what can make up toxic relationships, including topics like emotional abuse, gaslighting, and trauma bonding. We take a look at additional topics including the cycle of idealization, devaluing, and discard; love bombing, recognizing red flags, insecure attachment styles, the sunk cost fallacy, and challenges in leaving toxic relationships. We also addresses what it can look like to move on, seeking support through counseling, self-care, volunteering, therapy for family of origin issues, codependency, cultural differences, caretaking for abusive parents, and the importance of processing emotions, concluding with a message of hope for those who have experienced toxic relationships.



Takeaways

The cycle of idealization, devaluing, and discard is common in toxic relationships.

Love bombing and grand gestures can be signs of manipulation and control.

Individuals with insecure attachment styles may be more vulnerable to toxic relationships.

Leaving toxic relationships can be challenging due to the sunk cost fallacy. Seek support services, such as counseling, after ending a toxic relationship.

Practice self-care and prioritize your health and well-being.

Consider volunteering as a means of healing and reconnecting with the community.

Therapy can be instrumental in healing and addressing family of origin issues.

Understand the concept of codependency and its cultural implications.

Allow yourself to feel and process emotions as part of the healing process.

Remember that there is hope for healing and building healthy relationships.



Chapters

02:58 Dr. Sarkis' Background and Specialization in Toxic Relationships

04:13 Emotional Abuse and Trauma Bonding

05:21 Cycle of Idealization, Devaluing, and Discard

06:27 Love Bombing and Grand Gestures

07:14 Gaslighting and Manipulation

08:06 Financial and Economic Abuse

09:14 Trauma Bonding and Dopamine Boosts

10:07 Honeymoon Phase and Love Bombing

11:01 Discard Phase and Hoovering

12:16 Lack of Personal Accountability

13:48 No Contact or Low Contact

14:47 Differentiating Love Bombing from Romantic Gestures

15:12 Red Flags in Relationships

22:52 Treating Wait Staff and Family

23:43 Splitting and Comparisons

25:05 Intermittent Reinforcement and Healthy Relationships

27:02 Isolation and Threats

31:17 Insecure Attachment Styles and Leaving Toxic Relationships

32:06 Sunk Cost Fallacy

32:11 Moving on from a Toxic Relationship

33:37 Practical Steps After Ending a Toxic Relationship

36:37 Volunteering as a Means of Healing

37:43 The Role of Therapy in Healing

38:21 Taking a Break from Dating

40:24 The Importance of Self-Care and Sleep

41:16 Reconnecting with Healthy Relationships

42:33 Understanding Codependency

44:12 Considering the Perpetrator's Behavior

46:00 The Influence of Culture on Codependency

50:20 The Dilemma of Caretaking for Abusive Parents

52:06 The Importance of Feeling and Processing Emotions

53:30 Words of Wisdom: Th

Clinton Nunnally is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the co-owner of both Foundations Family Counseling and Caring Heart Counseling. He is also now the podcast host of It Can Be Better Than That with Clinton Nunnally. Clinton absolutely loves what he does and leaves his workday energized by the transformative process he gets to engage in day after day! Working with older adolescents, individual adults, couples, parents, and families, Clinton simply devours the counseling process; exploring issues of anxiety, trauma, grief and loss, relationships, life-stage adjustment, family life, spirituality, and sexuality. With an intense interest in working with couples who are struggling in relationship or want to enhance their relationship with advanced awareness and skills, Clinton capitalizes on the current strengths of the individual and couple to help couples advocate for what they are wanting in relationship, learn new ways to navigate conflict, and co-create the things they most want with their partners. With a background consisting of public school education, early childhood development, work with adolescent youth and their parents, graduate school instruction and clinical training, public speaking, clinical therapeutic practice, and practical relationship experience stemming from years of life-giving partnership with his wife (also father of two really fun boys), Clinton offers a unique integrative style that draws from the diversity of his experience. 

In this episode, Clinton and I discuss making sense of our stories and the importance of the relationship with oneself. We explore the need for safety, security, and predictability, and the balance between safety and adventure, as well as our tendencies towards avoidance and control. This conversation explores the concepts of order, disorder, and reorder, and how they relate to personal growth and development. It emphasizes the importance of questioning and reevaluating our beliefs/values, as well as the need for a secure base within ourselves and in relationships. We also delve into the concepts of openness, curiosity, and creativity, and how they are influenced by our sense of safety and security. We highlight the difference between living above the line (openness, curiosity, and creativity) and below the line (fear-based living), and the importance of self-reflection and attunement to our bodies.

For more mental health content, find me on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube @joshkorac. Please leave a rating and review for the show as this helps me track how you guys are liking the show. If you're interested in seeking services from Clinton or one of his fellow clinicians, check out his websites at foundationsfamilycounseling.com or caringheartcounseling.com.

Takeaways

Having a secure base within ourselves and in relationships allows us to explore and be open to new experiences.

Living above the line (openness, curiosity, and creativity) is essential for personal growth and a sense of fulfillment.

Self-reflection and attunement to our bodies can provide valuable insights and guide our decision-making.



Chapters

00:00 Introduction

04:15 The Feeling of Being in Flow

07:24 Transitioning from Interview Style to a Different Approach

11:44 Making Sense of Our Stories

18:50 Assessing the Relationship with Oneself

23:08 Identifying Patterns in Thoughts, Behaviors, and Emotions

30:15 The Tendency towards Avoidance or Control

40:46 The Need for Safety, Security, and Predictability

50:53 Balancing Safety and Adventure

01:01:19 Order, Disorder, Reorder

01:06:27 The Normalcy of Disorder

01:07:59 Reordering and Integrating

01:08:54 Breaking Out of the Container

01:09:45 Embracing Differences and Learning from Others

01:14:06 Assessing Openness, Curiosity, and Creativity

01:15:27 Above the Line and Below the Line

01:19:34 Living in a Fear-Based Culture

01:21:26 The Influence of Early Experiences

01:22:42 Differentiation and Enmeshment

01:26:58 Attunement to the

Kendra Hill and Casey Bain created Unraveling Free, a therapy and coaching practice, to provide a place for those who have been hurt by church or religion to process, heal, and experience freedom. Casey and Kendra love being able to work with adults who have experienced church hurt, religious trauma, or harm from high-control environments, or who want to process topics like deconstruction, purity culture, sexual identity, or shifting values and beliefs. Both therapists are trauma-informed and trained, and believe in the transformative power of being with others as compassionate witnesses to their stories. Kendra and Casey aim to create the kind of safe space they wish they would have had when they were in their own processes of questioning their beliefs and deconstructing from evangelical Christianity.



Summary



In this conversation, therapists Casey and Kendra discuss topics related to trauma, religious trauma, and purity culture. They define trauma as anything that overwhelms the body and nervous system beyond its capacity, and religious trauma as traumatic experiences that occur within a religious or spiritual context. They highlight the stigma and shame associated with religious trauma and discuss the importance of normalizing and validating clients' experiences. The therapists also explore the impact of purity culture on individuals' relationships with their bodies and sexuality. They emphasize the need for self-compassion and self-care in the healing process and encourage therapists to find support and engage in activities that bring them joy and creativity. In this conversation, the hosts discuss the importance of compassionate listening and vulnerability in therapy. They explore the therapist's journey and the healing power of connection. The conversation emphasizes the human aspect of therapy and the role of the therapist as a compassionate witness. Overall, the discussion highlights the transformative potential of therapy and the importance of creating a safe and supportive space for clients.

You can find Kendra and Casey on Instagram @unravelingfree or through their website, www.unravelingfree.com. Both see clients online and have limited in person availability in Denver or Greenwood Village, Colorado. Follow me on social media platforms @joshkorac or www.sojourncounselingco.com/josh.

Takeaways

Trauma is anything that overwhelms the body and nervous system beyond its capacity.

Religious trauma refers to traumatic experiences that occur within a religious or spiritual context.

There is stigma and shame associated with religious trauma, making it difficult for individuals to seek help and validation.

Purity culture can have a significant impact on individuals' relationships with their bodies and sexuality.

Self-compassion and self-care are essential in the healing process for both clients and therapists. Compassionate listening is a crucial aspect of therapy, allowing clients to feel heard and understood.

Vulnerability is essential in therapy, both for clients and therapists, as it fosters trust and deepens the therapeutic relationship.

The therapist's journey involves personal growth and self-reflection, as they navigate their own vulnerabilities and experiences.

Connection and the therapeutic relationship have a profound impact on healing and transformation.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Background

11:35 Defining Trauma and Religious Trauma

13:31 The Importance of Compassionate Listening

24:35 Stigma around Religious Trauma

28:46 The Role of Vulnerability in Therapy

36:56 Exploring Purity Culture

43:16 The Therapist's Journey

45:50 Working with Shame in Therapy

55:03 Self-Care for Therapists

58:31 The Healing Power of Connection

01:00:46 Words of Wisdom

01:03:57 Closing Remarks