Beat Your Genes Podcast BeatYourGenes

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. Today's topics are about people who seek and only feel relief if they have deep understanding about certain subjects, a parent who appears worn out from an estranged adult child, and a young man unsure about a long-term relationship.
Listener Questions:
Throughout my life, I continue to encounter people who have a deep attachment to understanding. They seem to only feel satisfied, secure or at peace if they understand their object of attention, feel they have a concrete plan of action, or believe that they know all the details there are to know about a situation. Not having these things leaves them anxious, unsteady or even prone to despair. What personality and evolutionary factors are at play here? Most "experts" blame the parents when their adult children estrange from them. Even when there was no abuse, neglect, drugs,etc when they were growng up, and their childhood seemed pretty normal and enriched with activities, family vacations, etc. Is there something else going on? Trying to reconnect or talk may yields a peripheral relationship, meaning once or twice a year a text or phonically for the holiday, yet as older parents, we not only lose closeness with our own children, but our grandchildren grow up unaware of who their grandparents are. The question is, as a parent of two out of three adult children, am I wrong to just be worn out from hoping and trying and wanting to just wish them well now, and move on with my life? It's been so many years they seem like strangers to me anyway.  I'm curious to know more about the 'magic 10%' and how that is impacted by personality. For context, I'm a 32 year old male dating a 30 year old female. I'm high in conscientiousness, low in neuroticism, slightly more disagreeable, slightly more open and slightly more introverted. I've had many sexual partner's over the years, mostly by female's approaching me (I feel gross writing this but think it is relevant for context) but was never in the right frame of mind to settle down. Now I am in my 30s and want to start a family. I have started dating a beautiful girl who I have strong feelings for, though I'm unsure if it is love. She is high in neuroticism, and middle of the road in most other traits. She very much loves me and I really enjoy her affection and spending time with her. I'm unsure how much my personality prevents me from feeling the love that she feels as it is evident to me that she loves me more than I love her. We have started talking about the future, kids, house etc and these are things that we both truly want. My line of thinking is simliar to a 'close enough is good enough', although I know that sounds crass. I would like to know this information as I don't want to turn around one day and have ruined this beautiful girl's life/wasted her time as these are very important years for her in particular.  
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Web: www.beatyourgenes.org
Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com
Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com
Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use
Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD, discuss the following listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.
1. What do you make of the common description that narcissistic/highly disagreeable people “wear a mask.” Do high disagreeables go around actively and purposefully fooling people about their true feelings and intentions any more than other people do? We all try to put on a good face for the most part, but is this actually more true for certain personalities types?
2. I discovered your podcast a while ago, and I've been fascinated. However, something sat not quite well with me, and that is that I couldn't integrate my experience of trauma within your framework. I've been raised by Narcissistic people, and ever since then, I found myself regularly in Close relationships with various narcissistic people. As far as I understand you, this is purely because those can be attractive people and has nothing to do with my upbringing. And I think it does; I think that simply my cost benefit analysis has been skewed that way: that I would consider my parents being worth my while and to avoid cognitive dissonance, I would also accept bad treatment from other people. Or is Cognitive dissonance not a thing in evolutionary psychology? I'd be glad if you could comment on that.
Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast
Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes
Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              
Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.
Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org
True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us
 Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus - Licensed for use

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses a listener question with host, Nathan Gershfeld.
In episode 328 dr lisle answered a questioner who was frustrated about their lower income relative to friends. One aspect of that question was that life isn’t always about making money or climbing dominance hierarchies. In fact the very same instincts to keep pursing more can lead you to being unhappy. How then does one navigate when to pursue more and when to beat the genes? Are there any rough approximations for gauging this?
Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast
Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes
Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              
Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. 
Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org
True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us
 Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus - Licensed for use

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss twin studies, behavioral genetics, and the logic of evolutionary psychology with host, Nathan Gershfeld
Paper mentioned : https://tinyurl.com/j3c7tbt7
Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast
Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes
Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              
Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.
Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org
True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us
 Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus - Licensed for use

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discuss the following listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld
1.  I’m a 29 year old economics major and I’m frustrated because I see friends who have gone into investment banking, big law or medicine on track to make 5-10x my yearly salary. I’m making a decent living on 60k a year but I feel like an idiot for choosing my major and now it feels too late to change. What would you have to say for someone in my position? It feels like I squandered an opportunity. I know life is not just about making money but it’s a hard thing to ignore.
2.  My daughter is a good student and athlete, but she has low self-esteem. How can I help her increase her confidence?
 
Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast
Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes
Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              
Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.
Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org
True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us
 
Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld
Today's question: 
Is psychology doomed to remain a pseudoscience based on the crowd of people who self select to go into psychology? Im a university student and it from what i can tell, the vast majority of my peers and lecturers have no interest questions like why are we this way, how did we get here? Could it have happened any other way? Instead they are mainly just interested in having self serving theory that make them feel comfortable. With one of my lecturers, i was having a conversation about Norway's adoption studies showing that adopted children had their income, criminality and income correlated with their biological parents and not their adoptive parents. My lecturer said to me “i wouldn’t want to live in a world where genes are all that matter”. It feels to me that the major obstacle to psychology is the 90% of psychologists who think this way, and that no matter how solid the arguments from the other side will be, they will just keep thinking what makes them comfortable and call it a “scientific consensus”.
Follow us:
YT: @beatyourgenes
X: @beatyourgenes
Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast
Web: www.beatyourgenes.org
Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com
Jen Howk, PhD www.jenhowk.com
Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com
Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use