「有時候失去，正是找到真自由的開始。」 “Sometimes, losing everything is the beginning of finding true freedom.” I will never forget that day in Kaohsiung, around 2010, when we held our engagement banquet at my family’s house. A college friend came to congratulate me and said, 「You’ve made it.」 But in that moment, I didn’t feel a trace of joy. 永遠忘不了那天，在高雄家裡舉辦訂婚酒席，大概是2010年。一位大學同學來祝賀我，說我「成功了」，可那一刻，我心裡卻沒有一絲喜悅。At the time, I was preparing to marry the man I thought was my prince charming. But the wedding preparations nearly broke me: invitations, outfits, makeup, and hair were all left to me to arrange. I had to take care of my father’s feelings, while also hosting my fiancé’s parents who had flown all the way from Ireland, along with their friends from Hong Kong. Thankfully, my half-sister—though we don’t share the same mother, she has always been caring—was by my side to help. Without her, I wouldn’t have made it through. 那時的我，正準備嫁給當時心目中的白馬王子。但籌備過程中，我幾乎被壓垮：邀約、服裝、妝發全得自己張羅，還要照顧爸爸那邊的情緒，同時也迎接從愛爾蘭遠道而來的未婚夫父母與他們在香港的朋友。幸好有我同父異母的貼心姐姐陪我一起幫忙，不然我真的撐不住。 But what exhausted me the most was the criticism from my in-laws after the engagement: my table manners, my clothing, my behavior… I had been bullied as a child and a teenager, and that same feeling of 「being disliked when I was myself, and still not being loved when I tried to please others」 came flooding back. 但最讓我無力的，是在訂婚之後，婆家對我的各種不滿：餐桌禮儀、穿著打扮……我從小曾被霸凌，那種「做自己被討厭、委屈自己也不被喜歡」的情緒，再次湧上心頭。 His parents even told him, "If you insist on marrying Lily, we will cut ties with you."Yet I was moved by his determination and his love. Even when we went to Hong Kong to register our marriage without either set of parents present, he still chose to stand by me. 他的父母甚至對他說：「如果你堅持娶Lily，我們就斷絕關係。」我卻感動於他的堅持與深愛——即使在我們到香港公證結婚那天，雙方父母都沒有出席，他還是一樣選擇站在我這邊。 But in the end, the marriage still fell apart. Barely a year and a half later, I discovered his affair with his assistant. To be honest, I hadn’t been happy for quite some time. Looking back now, perhaps what he did actually gave me a way out. 只是，這段婚姻最後還是走向破裂。結婚不到一年半，我發現他與助理的婚外情。誠實地說，那時候的我早已不快樂。現在回頭看，也許他所做的，反而是給我一條出路。 I left him, and I also left behind the home and the seven years of life I had built in Shanghai. It was a true new beginning. 我離開了他，也離開了我在上海築起的家和七年的生活。那是一場真正的重新開始。 I set out with $10,000, planning to travel for three months. But one journey turned into ten years, and I have now traveled through more than forty countries. My luggage, once heavy, has been reduced to less than seven kilos. 我帶著一萬元美金上路，原本只打算旅行三個月，沒想到這一走就是十年，踏遍四十多個國家。行李從沈重到精簡，如今只剩下不到7公斤的隨行裝備。 I discovered freedom—the freedom to go wherever I wanted, to meet whoever I wanted, and most importantly, to carry an inner peace with me. 我體驗了自由——想去哪就去哪，想見誰就見誰，還有一份心靈的平靜。 Along the way, I went through deep transformation in body, mind, and spirit. I learned to forgive, to accept, to release, and to surrender. I learned to live in peace with myself. 因為在這段旅程中，我也經歷了身心靈的蛻變。我學會了寬恕、接受、放下與臣服。我學會與自己和平共處。 Many people say they envy my life. To be honest, I also envy the version of me who exists today. Over these years, I have cried, broken down, and even thought of ending my life. But I have also experienced the sweetness of love, the ecstasy of life, and now, a quiet contentment. 很多人說羨慕我的生活，說實話，我自己也很羨慕現在的自己。這些年，我哭過、崩潰過、也曾想過結束生命。但我也經歷過愛情的甜蜜、生命的狂喜，還有如今的恬淡自在。 In the past, I often struggled to write, feeling blocked and empty. Now, with the help of AI tools, I can create with flow and share my emotions, stories, and reflections. This is something unimaginable for our parents’ generation, and I feel grateful to live in a time with such possibilities. 過去的我，常常寫不出東西，覺得文思枯竭。現在，透過AI工具，我能流暢地創作，分享我的心情、故事與體悟。這是我們父母輩無法想像的事情，我為自己能活在這個時代、擁有這樣的可能性感到感恩。 This memoir is dedicated to myself, and also to you, who may be searching for direction in the midst of uncertainty. 這本回憶錄，是獻給我自己，也是獻給在迷途中尋找方向的你。 May these stories bring you comfort, and a little courage. My website: flywithlily.com Social Media: @flywithlily
