037 | You're Not a Bad Mom, It's Just Our Outdated Societal Construct

Join author and podcaster Anna Cusack as she shares her views on why the traditional structure of our society makes parenting - and mothering - that much more challenging. Layer on a global pandemic, and it's no wonder most mothers are feeling stress and burnout.

037 | Anna Cusack, Postpartum Doula & Author

Anna Cusack is a postpartum doula and motherhood support mentor, guiding new and experienced parents through pregnancy, the fourth trimester and beyond.

Anna combines her knowledge in areas such as traditional postpartum care, breastfeeding support, motherhood studies and exercise physiology to help mothers and parents feel heard, seen and supported through the highs, lows and sticking points of their child-raising journeys.

How society is constantly at war with mothers

There is no realistic training for parents to break away from traditional parenting. There is a biological factor that is set in stone from previous generations. The gender nature gets locked in, making it difficult to step away from.

So many factors come into play for mothers, including workload, both inside and outside the home, lack of time, sleep and mental capacity. A mothers workload doubles with each child and usually is unsupported throughout her day to day if the partner is working outside the home.

As much as this can feel isolating and personal, it is a social norm and everyone is effected by it.

Why do I feel like a bad mom?

Harder things, higher intensity. Mothers often experience an increase in sleep deprivation, which can result in irrational or irritable behavior. When this happens, we lash out at the ones we feel comfortable with, meaning our partners and our children.

Having these feelings or anger and resentment and reflecting on your actions can cause incredible guilt for a mother, resulting in feeling inadequate and believing that you are an unfit or unworthy parent.

What do you do when you feel like a bad mother?

Create opportunities to discuss how both you and your partner can support each other. A space where you can both talk and find a way to help alleviate these feelings without disruptions is important. Making a list of what you each do and talk about what you can each do to give each other support that they need is a great way to get started.

Communicate how these things are making you feel, even if they are small, silly things, and specify how you would like them to help to reduce overwhelm, anger and guilt.

Topics covered

Socialized and gendered nature of modern society (2:17)

24 minutes with dad (13:17)

How to overcome the outdated way of thinking (19:09)

Good, calm, peaceful mom (26:24)

Drop guilt and remove overwhelm (30:56)

An amplification of early motherhood (41:50)

Final question (45:05)

Resources

You can download Anna's free "8 Steps to Your Peaceful Postpartum" eguide and view her postpartum support, parent mentoring and special events here: www.annacusack.com.au

Find her book "Mama, You're Not Broken: Unmasking the Unspoken Emotions of Modern Motherhood" on Amazon, Kindle and here: www.annacusack.com.au/book

You can also catch her on the "Anna Asks" podcast via your preferred podcast app, and connect on socials @annacusackpostpartum on Instagram and www.facebook.com/annacusackpostpartum www.anchor.fm/annaasks/

Can you please also reference this in the show notes. I couldn’t recall the name of Dr Petra Bueskens and her work when discussing the example of Revolving Mothers in the episode: Dr Petra Bueskens. Modern Motherhood and Women’s Dual Identity es: Rewriting the Sexual Contract Abingdon, Oxon; New York: Routledge