#22 The Power of Talking Yourself Into Things Instead of Out of Them

Welcome to a new episode of the "Get Unstuck" podcast, where we explore the limitless potential available to us and how to reach it. I’m your host Murielle Marie, and today, we're going to delve into a fascinating topic: the power of talking ourselves into things instead of talking ourselves out of them. So often, we find ourselves hesitating, doubting, and giving in to negative self-talk. But by shifting our mindset and embracing a positive self-narrative, we can unlock our true potential and achieve remarkable things. I’ve witnessed it in my life many times, and I see it in my coaching practice every day. That’s why I wanted to share about it in this episode. There is just so much to be gained from focusing on the positive instead of the negative. It’s truly life-changing. 

Let me start by sharing a personal story. When I decided to become a coach back in 2014 (I know that’s almost a decade ago, and I cannot believe it!), one of the things I had to do in order to get “the word out there” about my new career and work, was to start a blog. If you’ve listened to this podcast before, you might know that I’m a writer, currently finishing her second book - titled, tada - “Get Unstuck!”. By the way, I’ll add a link to a sign-up form on my website if you’re interested to know when the book comes out next month. So I write, and I love it - at least non-fiction. Fiction, which I’m also doing through the writing academy here in Antwerp, is a whole different thing. And something that still humbles me more than it enchants me, as I work to try and get a thriller about generational trauma on to paper. Anyway, back to the blog. 

When I first decided to start it, now almost 10 years ago, I couldn’t get a word onto paper. I spoke about this more in a previous episode of this podcast, especially about how it felt like I was battling a life-long writer’s block. The reason for it was: self-doubt and perfectionism crept in. So much so that I initially talked myself out of it, fearing failure and criticism. Luckily, I had a great coach at the time - my first one. Kate, this is a shout-out to you! I love you! She helped me see what was truly going on, and eventually got me writing. One of the things that helped the most was to shift the negative  self-talk around failure and criticism to positive self-talk about what the blog could mean for my business and my potential and future readers.

When I think back on those first blog posts and how hard it was for me to write them, I can’t imagine even having felt that way. I still publish a new article on my blog and write a newsletter every other week. I write books, social media posts and so much more. It comes naturally to me now. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I’d allowed myself to buy into the negative self-talk. Would I have the business I have today? Would I even be speaking to you through this podcast right now? I don’t think so.

Negative self-talk can be incredibly detrimental. It plants seeds of doubt, limits our beliefs, and hinders - or sometimes even stops - our progress. Have you ever found yourself talking yourself out of something, only to regret it later? Perhaps it was a chance to pursue a new career path, start a business, or even ask someone out on a date. If you have, it's time to change that narrative.

The reality is: we all suffer from this. Every day in my work and my private life I am confronted with negative self-talk, doubts, insecurities, impostor syndrome. Just a few days ago, one of my strongest and most inspiring clients sent me a message telling me she was just a few inches away from throwing away all of the hard work she had done for her upcoming book. “I’m a failure, why would anyone want to read what I have to say, who am I to believe that I can offer something to the world, that my story matters?”

This is someone who is incredible: smart, capable, resilient, funny, compassionate, strong… I mean, I really love her so much. She’s an inspiration in my life. And still, even someone as strong and badass as her, feels like shit sometimes. That’s what negative self-talk will do to you. 

In fact, most (if not all) successful people have faced self-doubt at some point in their lives. But they chose to talk themselves into their goals and aspirations instead. 

Take Van Gogh, the famous french sunflower painter. He only sold one (one!) painting during his life. Even though he produced over 900 paintings over his lifetime, only “Red Vineyard at Arles” was sold while he was alive. Or think about Michael Jordan, the athlete and basketball player that led the Chicago Bulls to championship victory six times. He was dropped from the basketball team in high school. If he had let negative self-talk get the better of him, would we even know his name? Jordan isn’t shy about failure either (the subject of last week’s episode); he says he owes his success to all the missed shots he took during relentless practices – another life lesson he often shares. “I have failed over and over and over again in my life,” he said, “and that is why I succeed.”

Recognizing the impact of negative self-talk is the first step towards transforming our mindset. By becoming aware of the moments when we talk ourselves out of things, we can consciously choose to talk ourselves into possibilities, growth, and success.

Ok, enough about the negative stuff. What exactly is positive self-talk? And how can you start choosing it over talking yourself down? The essence of it is the practice of consciously choosing positive, empowering thoughts and affirmations to shape your mindset. Research has shown that positive self-talk can boost confidence, enhance performance, and improve overall well-being.

So positive self-talk not only affects your mental state but also influences your physical and emotional well-being. When we talk ourselves into things, we activate the reward centers in our brains, releasing dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter. This surge of positivity fuels motivation, resilience, and a greater belief in our abilities. Which, in turn, makes it easier to say positive things to ourselves in the future.

I talked about Van Gogh and Michael Jordan, but what about Thomas Edison. This is a famous story, so you might know it. It’s famous for a reason. It’s one of the most striking examples of resilience. Edison, even though failing thousands of times in his quest to invent the electric light bulb, continued to foster a positive mindset, saying, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that this won’t work." It was this unwavering belief in himself that eventually led to his success.

Someone else that really inspires me to talk more positively to myself and about my goals is Sir Richard Branson. I wear a necklace that says “fuckit” (link in the show notes if you want yours, it’s available on my website) and that’s a tribute to his “screw it, let’s do it” attitude - and his book by the same title that I highly recommend and will link in the show notes! That “fuckit” attitude is my way of pushing back on negative self-talk. Whenever my brain goes to all the reasons why something isn’t going to work or why I’m a big failure that will never make it and is about to be found it, saying “fuck it” to that voice really helps me to remember none of that is true. It’s important to remember this because if you don’t, that negative self-talk will get and keep you stuck!

Positive self-talk rewires our brains, enabling us to see opportunities instead of obstacles. It empowers us to step outside our comfort zones, to take risks, and pursue our dreams with tenacity (one of the most beautiful words in the English language if you ask me and such a great virtue to cultivate!). By embracing positive self-talk, we can tap into our inner strength and unlock the incredible potential that is within us.

So, the next time self-doubt creeps in, remember the power of talking yourself into things instead of out of them. Instead of saying, "I can't do it," remind yourself, "I can learn and improve." "I'm not good enough," remind yourself, "I have the ability to grow and overcome my limitations." The one that I love the most - and that I use daily - is this one: “of course I can, why couldn’t I?! It’s my go to whenever I worry about what I want to do, and it gives me just that little push I need not to think it over but to do it instead!

Ok, now that we understand the power of positive self-talk, let's explore some practical tips to help you cultivate this empowering habit. These are things that have worked for me (with varying success because, hey, #life) and for many of my clients. 

First, it's important to recognize when you’re talking negatively to yourself. What are your patterns? Pay attention to the voice inside your head. When is it showing up, to say what? Ask yourself, "Is this thought based on facts or my own fears? What evidence do I have that supports my capabilities?" By questioning these negative thoughts and reminding yourself of your past accomplishments, you can replace them with positive ones.

Second, daily affirmations and positive visualization can be incredibly effective. I have a little notebook that I read through every morning. I usually start a new one every few years. This one is from 2021. It has my life and career goals written in it, mantras, positive affirmations, prompts to meditate on every day and a few quotes that I want to remind myself of. Every day, with my morning coffee, I take a few moments to read through it and to repeat positive statements about myself, my abilities, and my goals. 

Visualizing