3 Core Issues That Hold Us Back & What To Do About Them

I explore 3 core issues that I see over and over again in my work, particularly with women. I describe how each particular aspect shows up, the root cause, and what to do about it.

Perpetually Putting Others’ Needs Before Our Own

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A hypersensitivity to what others are feeling and what they possibly need. After very quickly and automatically scanning the other person, we quickly attempt to regulate, fix, and advise them (without them asking) into a state where we have some sense of safety or security.

When we have this pattern of relating in our nervous system, people often describe themselves as empaths or highly sensitive. However, the reality is that we’re hypervigilant.

I should add that our current societal structure rewards women for doing this! 

Over-Functioning In Relationships
believing it’s our partner that needs to get help

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Becoming fixated on our partner needing to change so that the relationship can work; where they can grow, what they need to do, believing that IF ONLY they would go to therapy, stop doing this or start doing that, then the relationship would be ok. 

If we’re genuinely doing our healing work, then we also need to look at why we are with someone who isn’t. That IS our attachment work. Parts of us that might be waiting or hoping for connection, rather than being able to assess if we’re still a good match. The perpetual trying to make things work is part of our attachment wounding and attempts to get a parent to love us.

So if you’re persuading someone to be nice to you, to like or love you, then it’s time to look at that perpetual try. Once that is understood and mostly dissolved, we can think more clearly, assess the situation as it is, and make a clear decision from our adult selves.

Staying in love-less relationships (particularly thinking it’s for the children’s sake), getting breadcrumbs of something that looks or feels like love, over-understanding a partner (you’re not his psychologist), we’re enabling the notion that he’s a little boy, and ignoring that we are also operating from a younger wounded place.

Trying To Get Unmet Childhood Needs To Be Met By Parents – As An Adult

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It’s the perpetual hoping, waiting, trying, longing for the love we didn’t get, and trying to get that from the people who couldn’t give that when we were young.

Yes, sometimes we humans do change, we do wake up. However, if your parents weren’t in a state of growth and development when we were children, the chances are high that they won’t be for the duration of their lifetime.

Sometimes, parents do awaken and do the work needed to develop themselves and have better relationships. In these cases, it comes from the parents’ decision. It doesn’t come from their adult children persuading them. It’s their decision entirely to look within themsel

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Melanie Swan is regarded as a leader in healing the physical womb, restoring the metaphysical womb, and connecting with the cosmic womb.

She’s a Womb Medicine Woman and Soul Worker with 20 year’s experience – who guides and empowers women to come home to their true nature.

She hosts The Sacred Womb Podcast and runs The Womb Healing Training, and is currently writing her first book The Sacred Womb, which is, at its core, a handbook for the empowerment of womankind; due for release in late 2025.