#942: How to Combat Loneliness

Loneliness and social isolation are factors in an epidemic across the United States. Kiera takes the time to talk about ways to fight back the loneliness in our everyday lives.

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Transcript:

Kiera Dent (00:00.9)

Hello, Dental A Team listeners. This is Kiera and I hope you're having a great day. I hope things are going so good in your world. I'm so grateful you're a part of the podcast family. I really enjoy podcasting. enjoy, gosh, we're coming up on what is it? Our fifth year. gosh. I think even maybe our sixth year. The podcast is released in 2019. So yeah, we're coming up on its sixth birthday this year. my gosh.

I'm gonna have to fact check myself. Let's just say, Dental A Team is gonna be six years old. That's insanity to me. Maybe it's five years. Might be five? It's gotta be six though. Happy birthday Dental A Team podcast. But if you've been with me, I've enjoyed it. I enjoy the time. I'm so grateful for each of you. And I hope that I've been able to give you tactical practical tips and infuse your world with positivity, truly, because my mission is to positively impact the world in the greatest way possible. And I currently do that through consulting, expert consulting for doctors and teams.

So today I wanted to talk to you about something that I think a lot of us are seeing. It's interesting because there is something we have leadership, we have solo practices and loneliness. And there's some studies that have come out. So this one's from The Guardian, just recently released. And they're talking about how loneliness, it says more broadly, lacking social connection can increase the risk of premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.

In addition, poor or insufficient social connection is associated with increased risk of disease, including a 29 % increased risk of heart disease and a 32 % increased risk of stroke. That to me is astronomical. And so I was thinking about it, like literally they're showing that loneliness is actually worse for us than 15 cigarettes a day. can kill you faster than that. And yet like smoking was one of the greatest like killers of the world. And so thinking about this of like,

what causes this and like, you know, leadership is lonely. Owning a practice is lonely. Being a CEO is lonely. I'm sure hygienists and dental assistants, we can feel it's lonely. And yet we're working with so many people, but yet it's a lonely space. so realizing that loneliness is such a prevalent piece and it actually is shown to kill more people. What do we do for this? And they say loneliness is as bad for our bodies as it is for our minds. There's doctors

Kiera Dent (02:27.95)

The US top doctor surgeon general Vivek Murthy is so worried that last year he issues an urgent warning about the epidemic of loneliness and social isolation. These are not quite the same thing though there is a big overlap. Social isolation describes an objective lack of social connections while loneliness is all about perception. You can be lonely without being socially isolated and if you're lucky, vice versa. And so just looking at this like we used to be in a society that was so connected.

Right? Like you think about communities and you think about tribes and we think about going back to even archaic times where people were in tribes and there were cavemen and cavewomen and we all hung out. And then you think about like when my husband, I went to Bali, families live together in these communities and you don't leave them and you stay with them. And there's such a community and camaraderie and everybody knows what's going on and you're there. And I think in, in the U S especially social media came out. Right? So we're

We're more connected, but we're actually more lonely than ever before. And they also were talking about in this article that people are actually afraid to admit. It says many of us struggle to admit we are lonely. There is a tremendous stigness, says Mark Rowland of the Mental Health Foundation. And so looking at this, it's like...

Kiera Dent (03:47.214)

How do we combat this? Leadership's lonely. Owning a practice is lonely. And on this one, says, like, loneliness is not insurmountable at any stage of life. But it's very difficult when it's, let's say, rusting away at your mental and emotional life without you even naming it. Bringing it into the light and sharing with yourself and then with others is really the first step of breaking the cycle. And so today, I just kind of wanted to talk about

What can we do to combat loneliness? They have some ideas in this article of what you can do. They say, you know, try to keep busy, have hobbies like gardening, jigsaw puzzles. They also said it's important that these things are fun or fulfilling. Be careful about working too hard or watching TV shows simply as a distraction. They will only delay or suppress your feelings and could actually make your mental health worse. And then they talk about like stimulate your mind. So podcasts kudos to you on being on podcasts.

comedy, fitness, like work related, whatever, get moving. Physical exercise can help with loneliness. Try to engage with the people you meet. And I think about how often do we go to Starbucks or are we on a train or are we at a coffee shop or are we at the grocery store and we've got AirPods in, we've got our phones up. I mean, so often I think our phone is our best friend. I was at a bachelorette party and I don't drink. And so I'm always the DD with my Shirley Temple and

they were all dancing and I kind of just felt like I would and I also watch all the stuff. So that's kind of my world. And I remember sitting there and I felt very lonely and yet I'm in a room of a ton of people. Instead of talking to someone, what do I do? I grab my phone and I instantly look at my phone to make myself not feel as lonely and like look at social media and feel like I'm doing something to connect. But like talk to people, say hi, ask them about themselves. I think we've lost the art of communicating with people. I remember talking to someone and they said that

they, excuse me, that they did, they have a, some of them they're dating and they don't even see each other and they're just like 30 minutes away. And I thought, my gosh, like, no wonder we're so lonely. and they also said in this article, find people who get you, spend time with pets, try to use social media in a positive way. And then talking to therapists can also help. And I was just thinking like,

Kiera Dent (06:09.124)

These are really, really, really important things and like prolonged social isolation and loneliness are truly like so close to smoking. What are we doing with it and how can we stop it and what can we do to combat it? And so I was just thinking for you, what are you doing to combat your loneliness? Do you have friends? Do you talk to people? Are we so on our phones and social media all the time? Do we put our phones down and do we engage with the people around us? Do we build hobbies?

we go to the gym? I will tell you, I am not a gym human. But I actually am now. And I love going to the gym because it gave me people around me so I didn't feel as alone. Talking to family members, but having people around you and I think having five friends within five miles is so paramount, true friends that you can talk to that you can tell things to. But even within leadership and in a practice, I found it's always super helpful to have mentors to have a community to have people who get me.

I joined Tony Robbins because those are entrepreneurs who go through the same struggles I do. I made a friend group within that group and we meet every single quarter and we talk about like, what are we going through and how can we help each other and where are our numbers at? And we work through the pieces of it. And I'm so grateful for that. My team, we're all a virtual team and yet we communicate all the time with each other, but I miss the in-person engagement. And so we are bringing our team together.

more consistently and meeting with each other face to face to combat that loneliness. But for leaders, where are you going and where are you communicating? And do you have a network? For me, my coaches are huge for me. And yet I think that there's importance for loneliness to combat it, to have coaches that we pay for and to have mentors and mentees and communities, but then to also have our own personal. Do you have friends? Do you have people that you talk to? Do you have hobbies? Like,

Jason and I, I love the memes that are going around of like when my extroverted self makes plans and my introverted self has to fulfill those plans. And I keep saying like, I want more friends and I want to have more people around us. I, cause there is, it's a lonely world. And the way that you're able to then share with people is by knowing them and getting to know them and