#AutisticAF Out Loud

Johnny Profane (Knapp Âû)
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#AutisticAF Out Loud

One Voice... Raw. Real. Fiercely Autistic. johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com

  1. -5 J

    Autism, Neurodiversity, 3 Poems... 3 Rando Manifestos

    Cold Open I was not born to be pitied. I was born to raise Hell. Autistic style. Intro You’re listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953. Season 5, Episode 4. Breaking mirrors, dancing at the edge of noise, raising autistic hell. Autism, Neurodiversity, 3 Poems... and 3 Rando Manifestos. Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane. Content Note: trauma, sexual assault, self-harm, rage, transformative therapy moments + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice… 71. [Music] 1953. Manifesto #1 I was Born Autistic. Not to be Fixed… I'm autistic. Born 1953. I was not a product of a vaccine. I was not a product of a disease. Mental or physical. I was not a mistake. Genetic or epigenetic. I was not born to be fixed by CBT, pill or chip. I was not born to be pitied. I was born to raise Hell. Autistic style. [Music] The static never stops. Poem #1 Dancing Close to the Edge of the Noise #AskingAuDHDists… bear with me a minute.I'm autistic+ADHD.71. i feel likea brilliant creative soulas if… trapped in a damaged body& neurologytrying to communicatewith the worldthrough an intermittentlyshort-circuiting transistor radioplaying through static& the distortion& sparking circuits… to just be heard. do you understand at all what I mean? #ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #ReallyAuDHD [Music] Sometimes? The mask slips… Poem #2 AFTER THE SECRET I have strengths.Not one is my superpower.I have challenges.Not one is my kryptonite. I'm that kid in third gradeDrop drop DroppingA mysterious blue crystalInto that test tube—Squealing in delightEvery time it explodes…In purple streams. I love cosplay.But I don’t have to flyWear a maskOr sport a capeTo be autistic. Still… I get to be the heroor bald evil geniusof my own life. [Music] Neurodivergent life… twists different. Manifesto #2 My Autistic Life: Mebbe a Little Zelig. Mebbe a Bit Forest Gump. But All Me. Sharing our Neurodivergent stories is powerful. I was born before autism was invented… More or less. 1953. Been a meditation teacher,cult member,magazine publisher,ad agency owner,non-profit activist,3-time grad student3-time husband,homeless,mental health counselor,substance abuse counselor,cult counselor,homeless,fast-food clerk,Pretend Rock Star,homeless… I’ve bantered with Bill Gates.Felt stupid in front of Bill Joy.Touched the Maharishi.Stumbled on Keith HaringJumping turnstiles in the subway… But… I met anonymous geniusesin cubicles,bull penstrailer parks,on the street… This is not my idle boast. This is my earnest promise. Ask the neurodivergent in front of you… Have they got stories to tell you. Genius touches every life. Of every 'type. If you can perceive it. So. I have no credentials to offer. At least none that matters to me... anymore. So I offer my life. My autistic life. Hoping better for our kids. Because if nothing changes… Content Note: Discussion of trauma statistics and sexual assault Over 80% of them will experience trauma in their life. Interpersonal violence, bullying, sensory trauma, emotional abuse, and systemic discrimination. Nearly three times higher than average. And many autistic individuals experience multiple types of trauma concurrently. Just as I did in the 1950s. Bullying by classmates & teachers. Physical attacks on the playgrounds. Sexual attack in the park. And in the home, Trauma not from neurodivergence. Trauma from how modern society treats the neurodivergent. [Music] That clean, polite, clinical phrase… “trauma?” It has a personal face, a personal moment in every neurodivergent life. This is mine. Session #137. When memory breaks. Poem #3 The Body Abides "Like I told youNothing really happenedCan't sleep is all…."He repeats his view, "The body watches.The body ALWAYSFucking watches." "Yeah, he kissed meFathers do that.Yeah, it was weird but…."He whispers me, "Your body, your witness.And this witness ALWAYSFucking watches." Then he leans in…"What if he'd kissedyour sister's lips…?" "I'd fucking kill him." That's when… i see mein his mirror watching myselfwatch my self transparently autistic a son no more,yet the body…abides. ragedark rageScreaming RAGE i'd f*****g kill himfucking kill himkill himHim. i rise…soslowly and fucking smash that mirror i rock, i sway…i rub one red eye.i stand, I stare…I sigh, I say, "My body watchesThe body ALWAYSFucking watches…," As I close his office door… I abide. [Music] Decades later. Still raising hell. Manifesto #3 Now… About That Autistic Hell We Was Talking about Raising… We ask awkward questions. And find new answers. We see different. Make electrifying connections. We feel patterns. To larger truths. We are passionate We adapt.Survive.Disrupt.Transform…Raising a fat middle fingerTo normal. Now, that’s the kinda hell… I’m talking about raising. How’s about neurodivergent you? One last thing… be proud. be proud you're autistic. be proud you're alive. despite everything people and nature...life...threw at you...you're still breathing. you’re still breathing… no mean feat that. I know firsthand. be proud. be damn proud. #ActuallyAutistic Outro In coming weeks, we'll challenge the medical model of autism, examining how neurodivergent individuals can build sustainable, authentic lives - with or without professional intervention. AutisticAF Out Loud podcast is supported solely by listeners like you. Know a friend or family member with a sincere interest in neurodiversity? Please consider emailing this episode to them. We believe no one should have to pay to be autistic. Many neurodivergent people can't afford subscription content. Your Ko-Fi tip of any amount helps keep this resource free for them. Or join our paid subscriber community at johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com for ongoing support. Link in description. Written in rage. Published in hope. December 2024. Greene County, Indiana. To give a one-time tip to support this work: https://ko-fi.com/autisticaf To offer ongoing support for my work, please consider becoming a paid subscriber… #AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts enjoy a free subscription. To support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

    15 min
  2. Autistic Spoken Word: Every Clock Is a Handgun

    16/10/2024

    Autistic Spoken Word: Every Clock Is a Handgun

    Full podcast with links to available poster artwork: https://johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/p/podcast-every-clock-is-a-handgun-2ee Sensory-Friendly Discussion & Summary: https://notebooklm.google.com/notebook/30720fb4-dab4-48b9-873f-90ec1ac03b88/audio Transcript: Autistic Spoken Word: Every Clock Is a Handgun Pointed at My Head This spoken word on my autistic experience of time contains triggering topics. If you are sensitive to frank discussion of abuse, I created a sensory-friendly audio summary. Link in description (https://notebooklm.google.com/notebook/30720fb4-dab4-48b9-873f-90ec1ac03b88/audio) Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head THREE Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head Every tick, tick… f*****g tick Tolling Fear, Doom… dread Click. Slide. Cock… click. Every night a mantra echoes through my head TV static… a crazy-making hum Singing Dream, Drempt… dead… Not done. Not done. Not done… undone. 10, 9, 8… Dread 7, 6, 5… Fear 4, 3, 2… BEEP. Shoot the moon… or the country next door Countdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead. Bound behind doors, bound in my head Pace, paces, pacing… paced Every BEEP. Of the phone. Stops… my heart. . . . I crash out with a scream for escape TWO Woods Deep woods Deepest woods My ears fly from bird song to bird song. A raptor circles then spirals Crossing lines now dead Wind steals my breath Taking words never said This skin bag of atmosphere Breathes new air When the sun rises First it is cool Then it gets warm The day passes Clouds above my head. Shaped by wind Outside my body The same wind Inside my body The same wind Yet… ONE 10, 9, 8… Dread 7, 6, 5… Fear 4, 3, 2… BEEP. Shoot the moon… or the country next door Countdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead. Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head ZERO This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

    3 min

  3. 05/10/2024

    Podcast: Every Clock is a Handgun in My Autistic Time

    Hey! I’m Johnny Profane… back after a 6-month bout of the "shys" to launch Season 5 of AutisticAF Out Loud. Missed you guys… But I'm here now, at least for the moment... Let's do something great with that moment, shall we? This seems like the perfect occasion to talk about Time… and how it passes. A crucial topic… whether you’re autistic or ADHD, wonder if you are, have kids or a loved one, work with some, or work to support us… I want to give you my experience of autistic time. Which is not chained to clocks or calendars. And different enough from what most folks expect… that I’ve struggled for two years… just to use my words. So I’ve turned to art. Which is both adult and intense at points… Some of the images are available as posters. And stick around to the end for a special AI-generated treat. Google's NotebookLM creates a lively dialogue between two AI commentators to break down the key ideas… especially for non-autistics. It's like having digital study buddies to help process all this time-bending stuff! Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head III Every clock is a handgun pointed at my headEvery tick, tick… fucking tickTolling Fear, Doom… dreadClick. Slide. Cock… click. Every night a mantra echoes through my headTV static… a crazy-making humSinging Dream, Drempt… dead…Not done. Not done. Not done… undone. 10, 9, 8… Dread7, 6, 5… Fear4, 3, 2… BEEP.Shoot the moon… or the country next doorCountdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead. Bound behind doors, bound in my headPace, paces, pacing… pacedEvery BEEP.Of the phone.Stops…my heart. . . . I crash out with a scream for escape II Woods Deep woods Deepest woods My ears flyfrom bird songto bird song. A raptor circles then spiralsCrossing lines now deadWind steals my breathTaking words never said This skin bag of atmosphereBreathes new air When the sun risesFirst it is coolThen it gets warmThe day passes Clouds above my head.Shaped by wind Outside my bodyThe same wind Inside my bodyThesamewind Yet… I 10, 9, 8… Dread7, 6, 5… Fear4, 3, 2… BEEP.Shoot the moon… or the country next doorCountdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead. Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head zero The Māori must be a wise people. They really get autistic time. Or at least, Keri Opai did back in 2017. That’s when he coined their new dictionary entry for autism, Takiwātanga, “in his or her own time and space.” Keri is an author, educator, and social activist. He certainly knew of the Western Medical Model of autism. But… it seems, Keri’s childhood pal, Peter, was autistic. So Keri just could not bring himself to define us as broken. No medical pathology in Keri’s words. No disabling pity. Rather, respect. Even admiration… He, and his people, saw what many of us feel. Our deep connection with natural rhythms. Our walk through the world at our own pace. On our own path. Maybe in our own dimensions of time & space. Takiwātanga. A dictionary definition born out of love. It captures the heart of my autistic life — a different walk through time and space. Reflecting on Keri's compassionate wisdom… My guess is that the Māoris, at least, are glad we're on the planet. Not because of our needs. Because of our contributions. Rooted in our different perceptions, our outsider experiences. Let’s dive deeper into Māoris, autism, and our journey through time perception. After this quick word, got bills to pay… [ad]This podcast is supported solely by listeners like you. We believe no one should have to pay to be autistic. Which is why we offer all our autistic information for free. To ensure this resource remains available for those who can't afford it, consider choosing a paid subscription at johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com. Link in the description. So, maybe the Māoris offer the understanding we autistics need. But Western science still struggles to catch up. Their “Autistic Spectrum”? A laundry list of supposed problem

    33 min
  4. One Autistic Voice: Escapin Up The Country

    15/04/2024

    One Autistic Voice: Escapin Up The Country

    An Example of Exclusive Subscriber Content… Raw, Real, Authentic. I’m letting my one austic voice do all the talking this time. I kinda like that. AutisticAF Out Loud - One Autistic Voice. Hmm… Here’s my first thank you. My first real attempt at being live on camera. It’s an autistic thing. No mask. No cosplay. I explain after you hit the button…. Anyway, this one’s for you. All the subscribers. You were here before I had the spoons to make it happen. Now that I’m on the mend, I intend to make the most of subStack for you. Promise. -Johnny This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

    2 min
  5. Actually Autistic? Whatever Doesn't Kill Your Unique Neurodivergent Ass… s4e3

    01/03/2024

    Actually Autistic? Whatever Doesn't Kill Your Unique Neurodivergent Ass… s4e3

    Shattering Neurodivergent Stereotypes: A Raw Dialogue for Tomorrow's Generations Description: Embark on a transformative journey with Johnny Profane in this compelling episode of AutisticAF Out Loud, titled "Actually Autistic? Whatever Doesn't Kill Your Unique Neurodivergent Ass…". This conversation goes beyond dismantling societal myths and stereotypes about neurodivergence; it's a call to action for creating a more understanding and inclusive culture for neurodivergent children and future generations. Beyond the Success Myth: Delve into the often overlooked struggles against poverty and trauma, as Johnny shares insights from his own life, challenging the glossy narratives that dominate mainstream discussions about neurodivergence. Debunking Harmful Ideologies: This episode takes a critical stance against toxic positivity and the misleading belief that adversity naturally breeds strength, offering a more nuanced view of the neurodivergent experience. The Truth About Disability: Moving past the inspirational narrative, Johnny discusses the real, day-to-day challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals, debunking myths of hidden superpowers in favor of a more grounded understanding. Critiquing Consumer Culture: Explore how consumer culture perpetuates dissatisfaction and alienation, particularly affecting those who feel marginalized, and discuss the importance of fostering a culture that values individuals for who they are, not what they consume. Valuing True Resilience: Celebrate the authentic resilience and strength within the neurodivergent community, recognizing the courage it takes to navigate a world that often seems indifferent or hostile to their needs. Crafting a Future of Inclusion: Highlighting the episode's closing message, Johnny Profane emphasizes the importance of building a supportive, inclusive culture that honors neurodivergent experiences. This isn't just about challenging stereotypes; it's about laying the groundwork for a world where neurodivergent children can grow up feeling valued, understood, and empowered. A Call to Create Change: Engage in this critical dialogue not just as listeners, but as active participants in shaping a more inclusive future. This episode is an invitation to everyone—parents, educators, allies—to join in the effort to ensure that the next generation of neurodivergent individuals inherits a culture that celebrates their unique contributions and supports their growth. Key Insights: Challenge and redefine the narratives surrounding neurodivergence and disability. Understand the damaging impact of societal expectations and toxic positivity on neurodivergent individuals. Acknowledge the real challenges and celebrate the genuine strengths within the neurodivergent community. Advocate for a shift towards a more inclusive, understanding culture that prepares a better world for neurodivergent children. Join the Movement: Dive deeper into the conversation about creating a supportive environment for neurodivergent individuals. Share your insights, experiences, and hopes for the future, contributing to a broader understanding and acceptance. Be part of the change that ensures a more inclusive world for neurodivergent children and future generations. Themes: Breaking Stereotypes, Authentic Experiences, Inclusive Future Tags: Neurodivergent Realities, Beyond Disability Myths, Toxic Positivity Critique, Future of Neurodiversity, Inclusive Culture Building, Empowering Neurodivergent Voices, Advocacy for Neurodivergent Children, Autism, Autistic, Actually Autistic, Autism Podcast, Autistic Podcast, Neurodivergent Podcast --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/autisticaf/message This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

    18 min
  6. Autism? It's a State of Being. NOT an Identity Group, s4e2

    20/02/2024

    Autism? It's a State of Being. NOT an Identity Group, s4e2

    Autistic Authenticity: Navigating Identity and Community Description: Dive into a candid conversation on AutisticAF Out Loud, where we tackle the often blurred lines between being autistic, belonging to identity groups, and maintaining personal integrity. "Autism? It's a State of Being. NOT an Identity Group" serves as a bold reminder that autism is an inherent part of us, not a badge to be worn or a club to join. Through this episode, we explore the delicate balance between finding community support and preserving our unique autistic identity. We question the constructs of identity groups, challenge the notion of toxic conformity, and celebrate the unapologetic expression of our autistic selves. Ideal for anyone touched by autism or intrigued by the diversity of human experience, this episode encourages a dialogue about authenticity, resilience, and the journey towards understanding our true selves within the vast spectrum of neurodiversity. Embracing Authenticity in Neurodiversity Unveiling the True Self Beyond Autism's Labels A dive into personal identity amidst the complexities of neurodiversity. The delicate balance between individuality and community expectations. Sharing a journey of self-awareness, challenging societal norms, and finding joy in authenticity. Do you see reflections of your own experiences? Join us as we navigate this personal voyage. Explore the Depths: A candid examination of autism as an innate aspect of existence, not a societal group. The transition from external pressures to genuine self-expression within the autistic spectrum. Discovering moments of genuine self-recognition and the simple pleasures of living authentically. Intrigued by the intricate details? Engage with us as we unravel these layers. Participate in the Dialogue: Connect with a narrative that questions mainstream perceptions and honors the diversity of neurodiversity. Contribute your insights and experiences as we delve into the nuances of authentic autistic living. Foster a conversation that broadens the understanding and acceptance of neurodiversity. Inspired by our collective journeys? Let your voice join in and enrich the discourse. Themes: Personal Identity Exploration, Neurodiversity Embrace, Authentic Living Tags: Autistic Personal Identity, Authentic Neurodiversity Experience, Autism Beyond Labels, Genuine Autistic Expression, Neurodiverse Individuality Insights, Rejecting Conformity in Autism, Celebrating Autistic Authenticity, Embracing Neurodiverse Narratives --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/autisticaf/message This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

    14 min
  7. Slouching Toward Joy: My Best 6 Phases To An Actually Autistic Relief, s4e1

    06/02/2024

    Slouching Toward Joy: My Best 6 Phases To An Actually Autistic Relief, s4e1

    Embracing Autism's Raw Truths in My 70s Description: Dive deep with Johnny Profane into a journey unlike any other—a raw, unfiltered exploration of living with autism discovered later in life. This episode peels back the layers of daily life, challenges, and the unexpected joys found in the simplest moments. "Facing the reality of autism in my 70s, I share the gritty process of acceptance, the quest for authentic self-expression, and those radiant sparks of joy that light up the path." If you're seeking a story of real-life resilience, unexpected turns, and the beauty of embracing your true self, join us. For everyone navigating the complex tapestry of neurodiversity, this conversation is for you. Let's delve into the heart of autism's challenges and triumphs—no holds barred. Embracing Autism in My 70s The awakening to autism's reality after 70 years of life. The gritty, day-to-day acceptance and the small, radiant joys of being truly oneself. A personal narrative of discovery, challenge, and the unexpected rewards found in authenticity. Feel a connection? Reflect on your journey as we delve into mine. Dive Deep to Discover: An unvarnished look at the late diagnosis and its profound impact. The journey from societal conformity to embracing a unique autistic identity. The moments of clarity and joy that illuminate the path of self-discovery. Curious about the nuances? Join me as we explore the layers. Join the Conversation: Engage with a story that challenges conventional narratives and celebrates the neurodiverse experience. Share your thoughts and stories as we explore the complexities of living authentically with autism. Support a dialogue that elevates understanding and acceptance of neurodiversity. Moved by our shared stories? Your voice can amplify the message. Themes: Authentic Self-Discovery, Neurodiversity Celebration, Late-Life Awakening Tags: Autism in Later Life, Late Diagnosis Autism Journey, Embracing Neurodiversity After 70, Authentic Autism Experience, Senior Autistic Self-Discovery, Neurodiverse Life Reflections, Gritty Autism Acceptance, Autistic Joy in Adulthood, Unfiltered Autistic Narrative, Neurodiversity Celebration Stories --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/autisticaf/message This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

    17 min
  8. The Night this Autistic Adult Broke Free: An Autistic A.F. Halloween Tale, s3e8

    07/11/2023

    The Night this Autistic Adult Broke Free: An Autistic A.F. Halloween Tale, s3e8

    ###🎙️ Unmasking at the Late Night Picture Show: One Autistic's Reckoning * One night that demolished a lifetime of conformity * One bodacious shift... from meditation cult to liberated living * One tale of indulgence, rebellion & the embrace of an #autistic identity   👉 Click to witness the transformative night. ###👂 Tune In to Discover: * Hear the vivid recount of a night that broke all the rules * Follow the path from a monk's silence to the kick-ass self-acceptance * Wrap yourself up in  a story that speaks to the heart of #neurodivergence 👉 Ready for a riveting tale? Hit play.. join an evening of realization. 🎧 Engage with Us: * Discover stories that disrupt the socially approved narrative... and speak to the soul * Comment & dialog with us as we dissect the layers of an authentic neurodiverse life * Support our quest to raise up the voices of the #neurodiverse community 🚨 Moved by our mission? Subscribe free to our collective journey to authenticity. 🏷️ Tags: #AutismFamily, Autism Family, #NeurodivergentPride, Neurodivergent Pride, #AutismLife, Autism Life, #AutismAcceptance, Autism Acceptance Support the show --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/autisticaf/message This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe

    8 min
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One Voice... Raw. Real. Fiercely Autistic. johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com

Informations

  • Création
    Johnny Profane (Knapp Âû)
  • Années d’activité
    2021 - 2025
  • Épisodes
    41
  • Classification
    Contenu explicite
  • Copyright
    © Johnny Profane (Knapp Âû)
  • Site web de l’émission
    #AutisticAF Out Loud

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