Back to School with Grief

Angela: It’s September. That means summer is coming to an end and kids are going back to school, many who’ve experienced a significant loss. Did you know 1 in 14 children in Florida will lose a parent or sibling before they turn 18? That’s roughly two children per classroom. We want to help schools, children, teachers and families understand how to better help children when they come back to school after the death of a parent. 

Angela: I want to start with Morgan. How old were you when your dad died and was it during the school year? 

Morgan: Let’s just say, 11 to 12 range. He died in the middle of the school year. He died in March. The school didn’t really know how to approach it. They were like, do we tell the teachers? Do we not tell the teachers? 

Debbie: I did go into the guidance counselor and update both schools when it happened. 

Angela: What was that reception like? What did the schools do and what could they have done better?

Debbie: Elementary was much more receptive and aware because they’d known throughout the whole time the kids were there. The middle did well. One teacher in particular was a little less than welcoming.

Angela: What was the first day like, going back to school after your dad died? 

Morgan: It wasn’t a normal day because I knew my life had changed, but it was just nice to do something. 

Angela: What were some of the things you think your teachers did right, and what were some things you think could be improved upon?

Morgan: They gave me the time I needed to get back into the swing of things. Just don’t look at the child or teenager or person differently because of it, look at them the same way, but just know that they’re probably going through a lot. 

Angela: Because you said you had one teacher who said, well you know, I’ll give you a day or two, but whatever you do, just make sure you turn your homework in. How did that make you feel? 

Morgan: Oh awful! Her class was like a nightmare for me, because… math. My dad did math. So, I just lost that big help. It was kind of painful to look at math for a while because I was like, oh my dad could help with this, then I’d start crying in the middle of class and that’s not fun. 

Angela: Did your teacher know that she had upset you? 

Morgan: I don’t know, she might have, but she never really apologized for it, never brought it up again.

Angela: So, there are obvious triggers sometimes, and we talked about this a lot at Valerie’s House, that just come out of nowhere. So, even though it’s been a few years, do you ever find yourself just in class, and it coming on, what do you do in those cases?

Morgan: I feel like, if it’s a really bad instance of panic, I would go to the teacher and if they don’t let you go to the guidance office for some dumb reason, I would say like go to the bathroom or something, and just go to the most secluded one you know of and cry or do whatever you need to do. 

Angela: Do you find sometimes it’s hard to concentrate at school? 

Morgan: Oh, most definitely.

Debbie: Particularly 7th into 8th it really affected you, concentrating in class. 

Morgan: To some it feels weird, because you’re almost going back to a routine, but it feels like you’re pushing the person away.  

Angela: What’s some advice you have for someone who may be going back to school for the first time since the loss of someone special. 

Morgan: Take it one day at a time, because, you will get through this, I know probably everyone’s heard it, but you will. It’s going to feel like the end of the world. Just know that you and your emotions are valid. You can feel however you want. But you can’t let life go ahead of you and stay far behind.