Born ‘Special’: Why We’re All Narcissists Now...

The self-belief industry (along with the exclamation mark) is off-the-charts thriving.  These days everything is all about soundbite self-empowerment. You-affirming slogans scream from posters on every wall, note-pad and card shop-shelf, t-shirt fronts, instagram grids and out of every music-speaker. 

Riffing further on the themes of last week, is it any wonder that there’s been such a decline in mental health in a society that constantly encourages us to look inwards, at ourselves, at how everything makes us feel and to examine what we’re getting (or not) out of any particular situation. 

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Stoking the ‘cult of me’ is a lucrative business. The ‘inside ourselves’ trends discussed last week is one manifestation, pop culture another with empowerment lyrics woven through so many top pop songs including  Katy Perry’s ‘Roar’,  David Guetta’s ‘Titanium’ or Gaga’s ‘Born This Way’.  Indeed, Taylor Swift has created a one-woman billion dollar industry about her inner monologue affirmations.  But perhaps the best examples are the huge growth of ‘life coaching’ and the success of the self-help book genre:  self-empowerment through self-empowering others, if you will.  You can subtly ‘stop giving a f*ck’ like Mark, embrace the power of Eckhart’s ‘now’, think ‘fast and slow’ like Daniel or adopt either Stephen’s ‘7 highly successful’ or James’ ‘atomic’ habits.   

But no, I’m not disparaging coaches or a whole genre of writing.  Indeed, as an entrepreneurial gold-digger, maybe I’ll join them.  ‘What’s the point of everything?’, along with ‘what’s the point of me?’ are the questions a huge market is currently seeking answers to - perhaps in response to the rise of societal cynicism and nihilism.  I have myself benefitted from a wonderful coach and many of these are fantastic books by talented writers distilling wisdom borne of centuries of population-wide insight.  But as we move from one concept to the next, perhaps feeling momentarily inspired and motivated, are we actually addressing what has created the underlying issues in our lives?   To learn about ‘me, me, me’ is the only place to look ‘someone else, someone else, someone else’? 

The more interesting question perhaps being: when does self-esteem tip over into narcissism?  Here’s a helpful primer from ‘Psychology Today’ yielded from deep research on page 1 of Google on the difference between the two:  

Whereas self-esteem refers to a person's subjective evaluation of their value and worth, narcissism refers to feelings of self-centeredness, self-importance, superiority, grandiosity, and entitlement. A person with high self-esteem thinks, “I am good.” A narcissist thinks, “I am special,” or “I am the best.”

Oh. Too late.  Here’s Lizzo to drive the point home:  

In case nobody told you today… You're special

In case nobody made you believe (nobody, no, no)... You're special

Well, I will always love you the same….  You're special

Of course, self-belief can be self-fulfilling.  Supremely confident people are enviable and impressive, so where’s the harm in infecting more people with that glow of self-belief?  If we stop dwelling on our insecurities and believe ourselves capable, we can radiate confidence, which breeds confidence, freeing us to get s**t done without the neuroses.  

But feelings are not facts. In fact, our feelings are rarely to be trusted… neither the negative, nor p