Chronic Wellness Annette Leonard
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- Health & Fitness
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Are you one of the millions living with a chronic illness or pain? Our diseases may be very different, but we have many of the same experiences, obstacles and frustrations. We are all working for a better quality of life knowing that pain and limitations will be our traveling companions. My name is Annette and I'm the host of Chronic Wellness, a brief, weekly, podcast where we talk about it all: sex, self-care, mental heath, loss of identity, anger, how to navigate health care and have less days that suck so hard.
I have this belief that: If health is the absence of disease, and wellness is the presence of wholeness; whether or not I'm ever "healthy" again, I can work work toward my wellness, my wholeness.
Curious? Join me where you listen to Podcasts, for a few moments of Chronic Wellness.
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Episode 407: Boundaries 2.0
Can setting boundaries be life-saving? I’m Annette Leonard of https://www.annetteleonard.com find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theannetteleonard
$49 Boundary Course (through April 2024) https://jennywalters.thinkific.com/courses/boundary-uprising
A few more words about boundaries. With chronic illness boundaries are critical for our health. I recently read Dr. Pooja Laskhmin's best-selling book book "Real Self-Care." She examines the difference between what capitalism has told us "self-care" is and what is authentic self care. True self-care is 1) an inside job, 2) is values driven, 3) is a journey not a destination. Like so many things it is a practice.
In her book, she examines four ways we claim the sacred territory of self-care and boundaries is one of those avenues. Women, in particular, tend to be poor at setting boundaries. From our conditioning to put others first, to people-pleasing tendencies, to examples of martyrdom, boundaries are not something that comes easily for most of us.
However, when we are sick and our time and energy are so limited, boundaries are essential. One of my dear friends who is very healthy and active, is down from a recent surgery. I checked in with her this weekend. She's having a hard time slowing down. That isn't surprising. However, because she now has a month off, people are laying claim to her time. People are coming over in droves. She's feeling wiped out from the visits. She told me she's so depleted. I suggested that she needs to say "no," or set limits on how long people stay. She's having such a difficult time. I think that's so understandable.
When we are unaccustomed to setting limits with people in our lives, it's very difficult to start. The first reason is likely guilt, the second is something like not wanting to offend or inconvenience others.
When I was starting a new friendship years ago, my new friend told me: "Annette, I want to be closer to you, but I see you saying 'yes' to everyone and everything in your life." And I thought "yeah, because I'm a good friend!" and then she said: "until I see you saying 'no,' I can't trust your 'yes.'" That was a revelation to me! We need to be able to trust one another's "yeses" by knowing that they will say "no" when they need to. That will give me permission to do the same.
But when we accommodate, people-please, and guilt-trip, that isn't always what we were socialized to do. But, as Anne Lamott says "'No.' Is a complete sentence." and so is "I've changed my mind."
As the spring kicks off, maybe you can grow a new habit around boundaries. Please sign up for Jenny's class if you need a tune up in this area. Also, please use the comments to share your tips, tricks, and brags with the community about the ways you've set or improved your boundaries recently.
This is the Chronic Wellness Podcast. I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness.
Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you. -
Episode 406: Boundaries And Illness
Can setting boundaries be life-saving? I’m Annette Leonard of https://www.annetteleonard.com find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theannetteleonard
You know that I'm a big fan of Dr Gabor Mate. His book, "When the Body Says, 'No'" is a big part of why I'm still ALIVE today. That's a big claim and I really mean it. His work has transformed my life. If you've had cancer or an autoimmune disease, get this book. He talks about how our personalities, our family structures, our emotional tendencies, and our background have likely contributed to our illnesses. While this is not about blame, it is about getting to root causes and, therefore, solutions.
When we are back in the drivers seat, we can make different decisions.
The job of our emotional system is to help us self-regulate and to allow in all that is nurturing, generative, healthy, and loving. It is also designed to keep out all that is harmful, toxic, and poisonous. He draws a parallel between our emotional system and our immune system which fundamentally does the same job to keep in all that is nurishing, nurturing, feeds growth, and to keep out all that is toxic, harmful, poisonous, and leads to cell damage/demise.
For those of us with chronic illnesses learning to set boundaries is a necessity. Self-care means learning to prioritize our self and in doing so, we have to set boundaries. In Gabor Mate's new book "The Myth of Normal," he has an activity about what keeps us from setting the boundaries we need to set/want to set in our life.
The more often we examine, work our way through this activity, the greater potential for change we are given. It is four questions for us to respond to:
1) Where in your life are you not setting a boundary?
2) What is your belief behind not saying "no?"
3) Where did I learn this belief?
4) Who would I be without this belief?
The illusions we hold about why we stay stuck have an opportunity to fall away. Boundary work is self-care. We'll keep talking a bit more about boundaries and chronic illness.
Here's my challenge: brag on yourself! How are you setting boundaries? What did you learn from this activity? When did you say "no?" or any other aspect of boundary setting?
Because when we are sick and have any bit of the disease to please, setting boundaries for our own self-care is really challenging. So tell us all about it! -
Episode 405: Your Health Journey Is All Your Own
Your health journey is all your own. I’m Annette Leonard of https://www.annetteleonard.com find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theannetteleonard
Several things made me think about this topic. I recently was talking about my friend Amy. She died almost exactly a year before I got my diagnosis of Pulmonary Fibrosis. She was waiting for her lung transplant and when she passed she was a frail shadow of herself. Also, my mom died with complications of several of the autoimmune diseases that I have.
It's so easy -- especially when we have a difficult or unfamiliar diagnosis, to lean on Dr Google, or other peoples' experiences and let those things coopt our imagination about our illness and I think that can have some disastrous and unintended consequences.
The Google will tell you that my life expectancy is 3 - 5 years. Well, here I am 9 years later. While many things COULD have led to my demise -- but tuning that out and walking my own path has been crucial. As a reforming people pleaser, as someone who values information, it's easy to be captivated by the stories people share about anyone they know who may have had something similar to what I have, how that's gone, what's worked, what remedies they've tried.
Sometimes, hearing those stories can contribute to the sense that I'm doing it wrong, or add to the sense that "this is going poorly and I've already made the wrong decisions."
Having done this for a while and having learned how to BE EMBODIED in this experienced: doing body scans, checking in with my thoughts and feelings, knowing when something's changed. I'm the best person to asses what's going well and when it's time to make a change. No, it isn't fun, it takes a lot of effort to tune in like that, to advocate for myself, to coordinate with my docs and insurance companies, but it's the only way to take control of my health.
When I start thinking "well, she said that by this time next year things got really bad..." then I'm initiating a slew of chemicals that will lead to anxiety, fear, pain, or being addicted to my own catastrophes. Perhaps those things will happen, but perhaps they won't. But, the only guarantee is that I've robbed myself of this present moment.
The idea of suffering is terrifying. I'm not trying to pretend it isn't. There is fear and anguish. But there are tools. Whether it starts with a contemplative practice, journaling, or noticing what's happening to find a skilled therapist. There are ways to keep my fear of the future from enjoying the present. This journey is YOURS ALONE, from the small to the large. But no amount of today is improved by me fixating on how bad it's going to get.
Notice when you get hooked, when you start to borrow trouble. If you don't have tools, skills, or support about making change in that area, it might be time to get some.
Let us know how you're making your journey your own.
This is the Chronic Wellness Podcast. I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness.
Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you. -
Episode 404: Chronic Pain and Elite Athletes
I’m Annette Leonard of https://www.annetteleonard.com find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theannetteleonard
It's February, Black History Month, and we just had the Super Bowl. After watching the Netflix movie about Diana Nyad, my wife mentioned that people living with chronic pain have some things in common with elite athletes. Intense pain. Of course, unless there's injury involved, athletes can choose to stop.
Obviously, living with chronic pain we can't skip the practice, training, workout. I thought it was an interesting perspective.
Recently, my wife has been experiencing some hip pain and headaches. The onset has given her renewed appreciation for what it's like to live with intense chronic pain. There are moments when I appreciate the validation and other times when I'm annoyed by it.
I though on this Valentines Day, I thought I'd send this note to you all in pain: I know your fuse is short, your energy is less. I think about the ways your life has had to be smaller because of pain. I'm sorry. I wish we had better solutions. I wish you weren't having to use your energy and giving so much of yourself figuring out how to get through the day/get out of bed/get to the bathroom/manage the kids/cook a meal. I hate that we don't have better pain management.
This invisible demon means that others can't see all that you're up against. They can't see that all your energy is being consumed by pain. As you manage a pain level 8 and try to carry on a conversation. This isn't an easy path. You don't get to put this weight down, and experience relief.
You get to take up space. It's easy to compare my suffering to others -- but it isn't helpful. If your self compassion needs a tune up, check out Kristin Neff's resources:
https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#guided-meditations
Do a meditation, journal, or take a quiz.
I'm sorry you're hurting that we don't do a better job managing pain.
This is the Chronic Wellness Podcast. I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness.
Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you. -
Episode 403: Sick on top of Sick
Chronic illness doesn't exempt me from other opportunistic illnesses. I’m Annette Leonard of https://www.annetteleonard.com find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theannetteleonard
[I don't know what happened to the visuals shortly into this video....]
I didn't record Chronic Wellness last week. Two weeks ago I went to Seattle to meet with my specialists. While up there I contracted a virus. With a fever up around 104, I had fever dreams. When I first started to get sick -- I turned on myself. "What did I miss???" The litany of self-criticism is a habit I could stand to change.
I suspect it's difficult for those in our lives to understand how additional illness impacts those of us with chronic illness. While I'm still not back to "myself" I'm grateful to be getting out of bed and for the few hours I do have. It helps me not take this for granted.
Getting sick can lead me to the fear of "what if this is my new normal?" These are additional opportunities to grow and learn how to be present with myself and what is arising.
Have you remained healthy during this flu/COVID/cold season? What thoughts, fears, realizations have occurred to you?
This Thursday 2/8 at 12 PST I'll be hosting Alexis Hawes of the Instagram WhyIEatPlants about holistic wellness and plant-based eating. Please join us.
This is the Chronic Wellness Podcast. I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness.
Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you. -
Episode 402: Is There An Antidote To Chronic Pain?
Is there an antidote to chronic pain? I’m Annette Leonard of https://www.annetteleonard.com find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theannetteleonard
If you suffer daily from chronic pain, I know that you, like me wish that there were ways to resolve that pain. We've talked about novel ways to try and resolve pain. What if there were other solutions? This one takes a page out of lateral thinking. Hungarian born psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, coined the term "flow," to talk about the state of heightened engagement. Whether that's when you're engaged in a great book, lost in good conversation, or doing an activity you really love, if you've lost track of time, you've probably experienced flow.
When we are in the state of flow, we can't feel as much pain. The same neurons that experience pain are engaged in that activity. It begs the question, how can we get into flow more often to get out of our pain?
It is so strange that while we have a localized experience of pain (in our hip, arm, joints) the pain signal is in our brain. So if we can override the signal in our brain, we have a reduced experience of pain. So take yourself on a trip back to childhood, remember the things activities you used to loose yourself in and find ways to inject more of that in your life.
This isn't foolproof -- it doesn't take my pain to zero. But there are ways that spending time with others can help distract me from my pain. I can also become engrossed with my creative outlets as a way to reduce my pain. I can also use creative outlets as a way to distract from my pain. What gets you in a state of flow?
This is the Chronic Wellness Podcast. I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness.
Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.
Customer Reviews
Wisdom
Annette Leonard brings a gentle and loving wisdom that informs, supports, inquires. She offers reminders of deep wisdom and comfort no matter what health challenges you might be facing.
So glad I found this!!
Listening to Annette helps me in so many ways! She speaks from her experience and holds space for people and their stories.
Find your Grace!
Annette does an amazing job of finding grace and beauty with empathy and compassion—learn how to emotionally love yourself even when your body is not in a loving place—can’t recommend enough!