The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast

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The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast

12-step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts. We share our experience, strength, and hope as we use the principles of the Al-Anon program in our lives. We talk openly and honestly about the problems and challenges as we face alcoholism and addiction in our friends and relatives. We share the tools and solutions we have found that let us live a life that is serene, happy, and free, even when the alcoholic or addict is still drinking or using.

  1. 4일 전

    Transformation Begins in Step Six – 423

    In the journey of recovery, reaching Step Sixmarks a pivotal moment of transformation. This step, as we examine in our recent conversation between Spencer and Ufasaha Y, asks us to become “entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” It holds a promise of change through surrender and faith, allowing us to let go of what no longer serves us. The Essence of Step Six Step Six does not demand immediate action from us to change ourselves but rather asks us to become willing to let go of our defects of character. We are reminded that we are in a partnership with a power greater than ourselves, and our role is to accept our flaws and let go of all that stands in the way of our health and growth. Insights from ‘Drop the Rock' Ufasaha brought insights from the book Drop the Rock, emphasizing the importance of willingness to let go. The central metaphor is of a person holding onto a rock while trying to swim to safety—the rock symbolizes our defects, and the willingness to let go is crucial for survival. This underscores the essence of Step Six: to be ready to drop these burdens. The Challenge of Powerlessness Powerlessness can be a challenging concept for many, implying a lack of self-determination. However, embracing it can be freeing. We learn to relax and have faith, trusting that our higher power holds these burdens, allowing us to feel a sense of relief and freedom. From Assets to Miracles While Step Six encourages us to address our defects, it also invites us to acknowledge our assets. Recovery isn't only about overcoming our flaws but also recognizing and nurturing our strengths. Miracles can happen when we least expect them—transformations that were once deemed impossible become achievable through faith and patience. Surrender, Not Submission Surrender is not the same as submission. Surrendering means we stop fighting reality and start cooperating with it, trusting that a higher power guides us. We let go of control, recognizing that we don't have to do everything alone. Embracing our limitations opens us to infinite possibilities. By letting go and letting God, we allow for transformation and experience moments of serenity. Conclusion As we journey through Step Six, we come to realize that transformation involves embracing who we are and our partnership with a higher power. It is a continuous process of growth and letting go, inviting miracles and serenity into our lives. Through this step, we learn to accept ourselves fully, welcoming change with open arms. Readings and Links We read from Drop the Rock, pp 1-2, and Courage to Change, p. 283 (Oct 9). Our discussion followed the description of Step 6 in chapter 8 of How Al-Anon Works. Upcoming topics We are continuing our study of the 12 Steps. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

    50분

  2. 12월 11일

    Embracing Self-Love: A Recovery Journey – 422

    Today, Shannon and Spencer dig deep into the question, how do we learn and grow to love ourselves? In the pursuit of learning to love ourselves, we may have faced emotional challenges and societal pressures that obscure our self-worth. We might begin by reflecting on childhood experiences that shaped our perceptions and beliefs about ourselves. Shannon recalled a memory from her childhood when a family member sang a birthday song with words meant in jest but felt as though they were aimed at her self-esteem. Such incidents, impressionable in our formative years, can anchor us into feelings of inadequacy. One of the fundamental lessons in recovery is differentiating between self-care and self-love. Self-care is often trivialized by social media trends that emphasize superficial activities rather than deeper self-respect and acceptance. Sometimes, achieving self-love feels like an impossible task, one that is too intimate and personal to tackle. We learn that self-love is not a natural consequence of self-care methods and that confidence in oneself does not always equate to positive self-dialogue. We realized that loving ourselves often contradicts our past behaviors of prioritizing others’ needs over our own. We have been conditioned to fix, to manage, and to nurture everyone around us, neglecting our own needs in the process. Transformative moments can come from simple realizations, like deciding to enjoy activities alone and finding contentment in moments without societal validation. This was a mind-blowing insight: we can embrace personal joys independent of others’ preferences, discovering joy in solitude. In recovery, embracing spirituality can also be an alien concept. The challenge is in handing over worries to a higher power—one that may not be tangible or understandable. Nevertheless, a breakthrough can come from surprising places, such as a yoga session where Shannon saw herself literally reaching out to herself. In that moment, she realized she could trust herself as a source of strength and guidance. Self-reflection is crucial in moments of doubt or negative self-talk. With support from understanding friends, family, or fellow program members, we can replace unkind thoughts with encouraging affirmations. This requires a conscious effort to listen to positivity and to absorb love and kindness directed toward us. It helps to recognize that anticipated catastrophes never manifested, showing us that fears are often unjustified. Through meditation and focusing on gratitude, we are guided to appreciate our circumstances. Shifting focus from potential problems to tangible comforts serves as an effective strategy to combat anxious spirals, especially during sleepless nights. Newcomers to recovery might find themselves overwhelmed by the structure and vocabulary of program meetings. It's important for us to remember that universally shared experiences and expressions, although initially intimidating, are part of the collective healing journey. Adopting the recovery program as a template for life underscores self-love as its heart. By maintaining commitments to meetings, readings, and step work, we gradually reveal the power of these teachings. Declaring and truly believing that we are worth it—worthy of love, forgiveness, and kindness—is perhaps the most revolutionary step toward self-acceptance. Ultimately, coming into a recovery program like Al-Anon introduces us to an invaluable community of understanding and compassion. The path to self-love is intricate, interwoven with our experiences, but its realization is deeply therapeutic, teaching us that this love is our inherent right. Readings and Links

    59분

  3. 11월 29일

    Step Five: A Journey Towards Personal Freedom – 421

    In our shared journey through the twelve steps, Step Five is an essential turning point towards self-awareness and personal freedom. This step—admitting to God, ourselves, and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs—offers us an opportunity to break free from the self-imposed chains of shame and secrecy. As we work this Step, we discover the transformative power of vulnerability, honesty, and acceptance. Understanding Step Five The journey through Step Five begins by acknowledging what we have learned about ourselves through our inventory in Step Four. We admit these insights not just to ourselves, but also to our higher power and another person. This can be an intimidating prospect; the prospect of revealing our darkest secrets to someone else can stir feelings of fear and shame. However, we find strength in the realization that releasing these inner thoughts connects us more intimately with our true selves and diminishes the power of shame. Overcoming Fear and Judgement As we prepared to take Step Five, many of us feared judgement—whether from others or ourselves. We feared that our wrongs were greater than anyone else's and that revealing them would confirm our worst suspicions about our character. By facing these fears with courage, we take significant strides toward personal freedom. Admitting our secrets to another person can feel daunting. Yet, this step provides an opportunity to break down mental barriers and experience unconditional acceptance. It's essential to choose someone who understands, supports, and listens to us without judgment, whether it's a sponsor, a fellow member of our recovery community, or a trusted friend. Looking Inward: A Revelation of Patterns Through the dialogue of Step Five, we can identify patterns and underlying issues that contribute to our actions. These revelations free us from the rigidity of past justifications, allowing us to embrace our shortcomings without judgement. We learn to see our past errors as symptoms of deeper issues—such as a lack of faith or self-worth—rather than inherent defects. This understanding profoundly impacts our recovery journey, igniting a desire for change and growth. The Importance of Acknowledging Our Assets An often-overlooked aspect of Step Five is recognizing and affirming our strengths and positive attributes. This step urges us to acknowledge our willingness to heal and pursue a path away from self-destruction. Celebrating these contributions to our recovery helps solidify them, making us less likely to dismiss our progress casually. Building a New Life Our journey through Step Five isn't merely about dismantling the old; it's about constructing something new. By identifying and letting go of outdated beliefs and behaviors, we clear space to cultivate a life founded on self-love and caring. The assets we've recognized—our talents and strengths—serve as the cornerstone for this transformation, which continues in Steps 6 and 7.. Conclusion While embarking on Step Five may be challenging, its rewards are profound. It is a step towards freedom, self-acceptance, and a life of integrity. If fear arises as you consider this step, know that it's a natural part of your journey. We encourage you to step into this challenge with trust and willingness, knowing it is a crucial part of your recovery and personal evolution. Through courage, mutual support, and open honesty, we move ever closer to the lives we are meant to live. Readings and Links We read from How Al-Anon Works,

    1시간 15분

  4. 11월 11일

    Path to Recovery: Embracing Step Four – 420

    Our recovery journey requires courage and self-reflection, especially when we encounter Step 4: “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” Eric and Spencer relate our experiences, insights, and the profound transformation that accompanies Step 4, as described in the reading from the book “How Al Anon Works.” Taking a moral inventory may seem daunting, but it serves a critical purpose in our recovery journey. To start, many of us might find it easy to list the admirable qualities of our friends and loved ones, yet struggle to identify the same about ourselves. Alcoholism's lasting impact on self-esteem often leaves us feeling inadequate. Step 4 provides an opportunity to uncover our fine qualities that are buried under self-doubt and fear. Facing Our Fears and Finding Strength Our fear of examining our shortcomings is natural. The inventory is not meant to be a free-for-all of self-criticism but a balanced assessment of who we are. Just as a toy store owner takes stock to balance inventory, we must assess what we have in abundance and what we lack in our character and behaviors. By beginning with our strengths, we lay a foundation that makes it easier to face and accept the less desirable aspects without judgment. It can be a Collaborative Effort We both found it invaluable to join a group when working Step 4. Facing such a comprehensive task alone can be overwhelming. Sharing in a supportive environment not only helps stay committed but also reinforces the understanding that we are not alone in our struggles. Hearing others share sheds light on our shared experiences and provides multiple perspectives. The First Three Steps Lay the Groundwork Steps 1, 2, and 3 lay essential groundwork for Step 4. Developing a strong spiritual foundation makes it easier to approach our inventory fearlessly and honestly. Without recognizing the presence of a loving higher power, the purpose of this inventory could easily become misguided and self-destructive. Positive Change Through Self-Reflection Each step we take is aimed at positive change. Step 4 encourages us to observe ourselves without illusions, addressing unresolved issues, and making conscious choices for growth. A searching moral inventory, when approached with the right mindset and preparation, offers incredible opportunities for personal development. The Path to Recovery and Wholeness Finally, Step 4 should not be rushed or overlooked. It provides the clarity needed for the path we choose to walk. As the Cheshire Cat said, “If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there.” Thus, we see the importance of understanding our current state in order to choose our future path wisely. In summary, although initially intimidating, Step 4 emerges as one of the most enlightening parts of our recovery journey. Embracing it, preparing for it, and approaching it with a group can transform fear into freedom and self-doubt into self-love. Through our moral inventory, we lay the blueprint for progress towards a wholehearted, content, and balanced life. Readings and Links We read from How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 8, the section titled “Step 4”. We also talked about the books Paths to Recovery and Blueprint for Progress. Both of these Al-Anon CAL books provide a process for working Step 4.

    1시간 1분

  5. 10월 21일

    Secular Healing: Working Step Three – 419

    Approaching the Twelve Steps from a secular viewpoint can present challenges, particularly with Step Three, which traditionally involves turning one's will and life over to the care of God. Spencer and Marilyn explore how we have navigated these waters while remaining respectful to their own beliefs as atheists or agnostics. Founding a Secular Al Anon Meeting The conversation begins with Marilyn sharing her experience in founding a secular Al Anon meeting, named “Any Faith or None.” This group has grown rapidly, starting during the pandemic and expanding to multiple weekly meetings due to popular demand. The group welcomes those of any religious or spiritual belief or none, carefully avoiding religious language that can be triggering for individuals with a history of religious abuse. Interpreting Step Three Step Three traditionally reads, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” Both Spencer and Marilyn share how they have personally reinterpreted this step to fit their non-religious perspectives. For Marilyn, the concept of “care” rather than “control” was a pivotal revelation, allowing her to embrace the love and support found within her Al Anon community without assigning it a divine source. They relate how they have found language that works for them, such as using “Gift of Desperation” or “Group of Dear Ones” instead of referencing God. Emphasizing personal understanding allows members to navigate recovery while maintaining their own beliefs. The Power of Unconditional Love and Acceptance Marilyn highlights the transformative power of discovering unconditional love within Al Anon, which allowed her to develop self-acceptance and trust in the process of recovery. This understanding ties into the broader notion of making a decision to change—a central tenet of Step Three—and finding safety and support among fellow members. Navigating Religious Trauma and Acceptance The journey of interpreting Step Three extends beyond individual understanding to include navigating potential religious trauma or authority-related triggers. Marilyn shares her realization of separating her father from the concept of a higher power, which reinforces the importance of personal clarity and autonomy within the program. This clarity was crucial in Marilyn's decision to remain in Al Anon, as it allowed her to find meaning and healing without feeling restricted by traditional religious language. Conclusion Marilyn and Spencer's journey underscores the importance of respecting diverse beliefs within recovery spaces. By creating environments that embrace varied interpretations of the Twelve Steps, secular groups like “Any Faith or None” provide vital support for individuals seeking recovery from alcoholism's impact without compromising their personal beliefs. This evolving approach emphasizes inclusivity and personal understanding, allowing individuals to find healing in a manner that resonates with them. Their stories offer encouragement to others facing similar challenges, reaffirming that recovery is a dynamic and deeply personal path, where the language of spirituality can be adapted to support each individual's unique journey. Readings and Links Marilyn read from A Little Time for Myself (Al-Anon's newest daily reader), p. 66 (March 6). We also mentioned several other Al-Anon books: a href="https://therecoveryshow.

    1시간 11분

  6. 9월 21일

    Navigating Retirement with Recovery – 418

    Retirement can be an exciting yet challenging phase of life. It brings forward new experiences and demands a blend of anticipation and adaptation. The principles and tools garnered through our journeys of recovery can play a pivotal role in navigating these changes. Mary H. shares insights into her retirement process and how recovery has helped her face the associated challenges. The Unexpected Path to Retirement Mary's journey began with mandatory retirement at age 65 from her long-term position at a company. Initially, she returned to work full-time as an emeritus employee. However, after a couple cycles of work and retirement, she finally embraced a more relaxed part-time, mostly remote, work arrangement. Mary reflects on the reality check retirement brings: “If my company didn’t have a mandated retirement, I would probably work until the day I dropped dead,” she admits. Redefining Work and Embracing New Hobbies While Mary looked forward to retiring, the transition wasn’t seamless. She envisaged a life filled with hobbies and travel but found herself facing unexpected disinterest in activities she once loved. “I found a complete disinterest in my hobbies that had previously been delightful,” she shares. However, through recovery efforts and discussions with her sponsor, Mary rediscovered a balance. She bought and refurbished a travel trailer, which injected joy and novelty into her life. She also enjoys kayaking.  Financial Adjustments and Spending Habits Another significant aspect of retirement is financial management. Moving from a saving-centric mindset to spending has been a complicated transition for Mary. With the help of a financial counselor, Mary established a clear budget and understanding of their financial capacities. “Have someone who is not emotionally involved, help you figure out your finances,” she recommends. The Search for a New Home Mary and her husband currently reside in a large, old Victorian home that demands considerable maintenance, prompting them to seek a more manageable living situation. By applying recovery principles, particularly the traditions, they are navigating the complex decision-making process. “We wrote all those things out, starting with what we could afford to spend,” Mary notes, emphasizing the importance of clear criteria and open communication. Health, End-of-Life Planning, and Continued Recovery Commitment As they age, health issues and end-of-life concerns become more prominent. Mary stresses the necessity of planning and being prepared for all eventualities, advocating for detailed and thoughtful preparation akin to how her in-laws had everything meticulously planned. Throughout her retirement journey, Mary underscores the critical importance of staying engaged with the recovery community. She urges those facing retirement to stay connected with their recovery programs, noting how crucial the support of her recovery network has been in navigating both the expected and unexpected facets of retirement. Conclusion Retirement is more than a cessation of work; it's a transformative phase that requires a blend of financial prudence, emotional agility, and active engagement in recovery practices. By sharing her story, Mary H. offers not just a blueprint but a heartfelt reminder of the continuous journey of self-discovery and healing that retirement offers—invoking the true spirit of recovery in every step of the way. “Keep close to your recovery community,” Mary advises, highlighting the ongoing support and strength deriv...

    1시간 1분

  7. 9월 9일

    Creating a Personal Higher Power in Recovery – 417

    Recovery can challenge us to transform our spiritual and religious understandings and underpinnings. For many, especially those emerging from rigid religious backgrounds, rediscovering or reimagining one's higher power becomes a transformative step. In this episode, Sara delves into her personal journey of redefining her higher power, lending an inspiring narrative to those struggling with similar paths in recovery. Overcoming a Fearful God Spencer: You wrote to me and said you wanted to talk about, as you put it, overcoming the God that was given to you from organized religion and finding the freedom to create a God of your own understanding, so that you are able to fully turn your will over to a higher power that you love and trust. Is that a fair summary? Sara S.: Yes, that's exactly how my newly created higher power has helped me more fully put Step 3 into my life. Sara’s initial experience was with a God formed by organized religion—a figure that was angry, judgmental, and fear-inducing. This “given God,” as Spencer referred to it, created a tumultuous inner life driven by guilt and fear. She felt compelled to be perfect and feared repercussions for any misstep, which profoundly affected her spirituality and recovery journey. Discovering a New Understanding with Steps Two and Three Recovery through Al-Anon presented a pivotal shift for Sara, particularly with Steps Two and Three, which focus on turning over one's will and life to the care of God as understood individually. For the first ten years, Sara white-knuckled through this process, holding on to a God she distrusted. It was only after distancing herself from organized religion and absorbing diverse perspectives in meetings that she began to creatively redefine her higher power. Sara S.: I listened and I heard a lot of things in meetings about people having a female God or nature or the meetings or people, animals. You know, we are told we can create our own God of our understanding. So I decided I was going to do it. Sara's initial attempts to envision a new higher power led her to create a God named Blake. Over time, Blake evolved into a composite higher power, drawing characteristics from four influential and supportive individuals in her life, resulting in a panel of higher powers that made her feel celebrated and adored. The Impact of Trust in a Higher Power on Recovery Fostering trust and acceptance with her new higher power significantly altered Sara's recovery journey. She began to feel more relaxed, supported, and secure, allowing her to engage with the steps more deeply and authentically. Sara S.: I am fully willing to turn over the care of my life to this group of higher powers. I don't ever feel afraid. I talk to them when I wake up all day long. If I need to give something up, it's very easy now. Sara's story is a powerful testament to the possibilities within recovery. By courageously redefining her higher power and embracing the Al-Anon principles, she found a spirituality that fosters trust, love, and profound personal growth.  Readings and Links During our conversation, we referred to these Al-Anon books: * How Al-Anon Works, described by Spencer as “the basic text of Al-Anon.” * Reaching for Personal Freedom, a workbook for studying how the Steps, Traditions and Concepts of Service can apply to our personal lives.

    41분

  8. 9월 1일

    Letting Go and Trusting: Exploring Step Three – 416

    Step Three states: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” We’ll be delving into this step, discussing its essence and sharing personal experiences. Step Three comes after acknowledging the hope for a saner life (Step Two). This step is about making a definitive choice to turn to a higher power for guidance. It is a decision step, where we decide to let go of control. For many, this step feels like the hardest because it challenges our instinct to manage everything ourselves. Spencer's Perspective I see the essence of Step Three as deciding to choose a saner way of life through a power greater than ourselves. Initially, I struggled to understand what turning my will and life over to a higher power meant, especially with my negative preconceived notions of God. However, the concept of a personalized higher power provided me the freedom to move forward without having to accept a predefined image. Mary’s Perspective I also had a complex relationship with my higher power, influenced heavily by others’ teachings and fears. Al-Anon’s concept that our understanding of a higher power is personal and flexible was initially puzzling but eventually liberating for me. This flexibility has become one of the most valuable aspects of my recovery journey. It allows us to accept various definitions of a higher power, contributing to our collective wisdom. What is this decision? The decision of Step Three is, in part, about letting go of the illusion of control over the uncontrollable. Letting go of the need to control an alcoholic's drinking or any other situation beyond our influence is a significant part of this step. Spiritual Flexibility Our program emphasizes that regardless of our religious background, each member can define their higher power in a way that works best for them. This step calls us to commit our worries, dreams, and relationships into the care of that higher power. Mary recognized that letting go of specific expectations, particularly concerning her marriage, was necessary for actual progress. Acceptance allowed her to experience a transformed relationship without the burden of unrealistic control. The Path Forward Even after making the decision, the actual practice of Step Three is an ongoing process. It requires continuous surrender and a readiness to adapt. It's okay to step back and renew this decision repeatedly. Ultimately, deciding to turn our will and lives over to a higher power places us in much more capable hands. It provides a sense of trust and the realization that even if things don’t go as planned, we will be cared for. Readings and Links We read from How Al-Anon Works, pp, 49-51, Chapter 8, The Twelve Steps, the section titled Step 3. Spencer also mentioned the book Paths to Recovery. Upcoming topics We are working our way through the 12 Steps. What has been your experience the steps? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Rihanna – Lift Me Up Billie Eilish – What Was I Made For?

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12-step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts. We share our experience, strength, and hope as we use the principles of the Al-Anon program in our lives. We talk openly and honestly about the problems and challenges as we face alcoholism and addiction in our friends and relatives. We share the tools and solutions we have found that let us live a life that is serene, happy, and free, even when the alcoholic or addict is still drinking or using.

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