Coffee with The Couple Cure Jay & Lori Pyatt

Join us as we tackle what recovering addicts need to watch out for on the journey to sobriety. We’ll give practical tips for those in recovery such as avoiding triggers, the “why” behind choosing sobriety, as well as why YOUR PARTNER IS NOT YOUR ENEMY. Because we include a couple of solutions (including an easy way to see if you’re edging) this video can help you increase your self-awareness and decrease your dependency, and also support your wife’s healing.



Oh, and here is the link to the video we reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBrVb9T4Bxk)



Timestamps

0:00 Intro

0:53 1-Sobriety does not heal relationships if... (& re-sensitization)

4:11 2-Visual Sips / Solution: One second=look. Two seconds= …

5:10 Solution: One easy way to see if you might be edging

6:47 3-Doing this for someone else / then they "become the problem" to you

8:01 4-"But no one can get free of this!" / when the little blue pill didn't work

9:25 5-Groups where the leader isn't free / "I'm gonna stumble eventually"

11:17 6-Wanting her to celebrate right away / why she's still leery

13:10 7-Two SIGNS you might be on the slippery slope

15:11 8-My wife can't give me that level of... / how Jay answers that now

18:03 9-She should never be an ‘enemy’ to you / when she's treated as your equal

19:44 Solution: Feel she is your enemy? / she helps with a goal of yours

21:46 10-Impatience might be a sign that… / Solution: one of the first things you can do



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

What should you do if the addict keeps relapsing/betraying you–especially if your friends keep telling you to leave? Should you divorce? Should you stay? Can life get any better if he keeps relapsing and lying? We talk about this, while giving you 3 things to try.



0:00 Intro

0:07 Question: My friends say I should leave my husband because he keeps relapsing–what do you think?

0:26 Lori’s thoughts (what she told one friend)

0:48 You can stay and have a really good life

1:01 Solution 1: God / Viewing the relationship differently

2:50 Narcotics Anonymous says it this way

3:34 Relapse is not inevitable if…

3:54 Solution 2: What makes recovery easier

4:23 Solution 3: “Give back” to your wife versus to a group (and why)

4:58 What Jay used to say about his relationship with God



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

In our work, we have seen some husband’s who have lied about their wives to the helping community–lying to pastors, counselors, family and friends–about her. Or the husband will diagnose her with a mental disorder of some sort. We address that topic, as well as what a partner can do, in this situation.



0:00 Intro & Question

0:34 When the husband thinks, “My apology should be enough!”

0:50 One early professional opinion

1:13 Solution for partners (and what the addict can do)

2:16 The main goal of his helping community

2:47 A probable truth about your husband

3:07 Solution: One thing you can say to your husband

3:43 Solution: Another thing you can say



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

There are many things I wish I had known right after D-Day… things that would have helped me recover more quickly. In this video, I cover several of them, and Jay gives extra input from the addict-who’s-found-sobriety point of view. (Please note: We do not condone hitting your spouse. If this is happening, please reach out to your local shelters/authorities.)



Timestamps:

0:00 Intro

0:23 Coming down hard on yourself regarding boundaries

0:55 I’m in!!! I’m out!!! (what many guys do with this and one Solution)

2:46 Solution: How to find safe people & safe counselors

5:05 One way to keep from being blinded: Change your job description (Guys, nurse her back to health)

8:16 Solution to “falling for lines”

9:53 One clear sign Jay was taking his addiction recovery seriously

10:22 Solution to “You’re being too sensitive!”

11:16 Getting back at him / betraying yourself

12:58 Some addicts think, “It’s a license to keep acting out”



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

What caused Jay to take all of this more seriously (even if he felt attacked)? And what would cause Matt to say, “This is stupid!” We cover both of those here, in this LAST EPISODE OF THE SEASON.





TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section)





0:00 Intro

0:19 Did Jay feel like doing those things when he felt unfairly attacked? *

2:59 One Solution: Giving guidance vs “This is stupid” *

4:11 Jay took it more seriously because he knew this…

4:52 One Solution: How we phrase it instead

5:38 Steps Jay and Lori took

6:35 One Solution: Shared experiences can be risky (so wives consider trying…)

8:07 For the betrayed/traumatized regarding the “Right” way to do this *

8:26 What we tell couples

10:03 Where to subscribe for next season



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal #trauma #relationships #rebuildtrust #marriageadvice

Transitioning from dating to marriage has its challenges, even without addictions. But healing a relationship after betrayal is even more challenging. Here are some things you can do to make the process easier–without resenting your spouse–especially if you’re trying to rebuild trust.





TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section)





0:00 Intro

0:11 It doesn’t take much

1:06 What some guys resent

1:46 The counselor told Jay, “You can’t crank her up like a machine and expect…”

2:14 What Matt thought marriage would be like (dating) *

2:50 One Solution: If he had continued dating his wife

3:40 Being intentional about continuing to date each other *

4:00 How a “perceived lack of finances” can impact relationships

4:56 Solutions to a lack of finances while rebuilding trust *

7:02 $7 cheese and other trees

9:09 In the next episode: How to rebuild trust when you feel attacked



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https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website

https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website

https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners

https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery



#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice