Conversations with Cinthia

Cinthia Hiett
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Conversations with Cinthia

Cinthia Hiett is a Christian life coach, business consultant, published author, international speaker, radio broadcaster, and musical recording artist. She offers insight and encouragement for dealing with relationship issues, thought patterns, and the struggle to create the best life you can and be your own best version.

  1. 3 DAYS AGO

    The Truth Will Set You Free

    There are a lot of ideas about truth.  Some people think it does not exist; some think it cannot be known.  Some see it as personal and encourage speaking “your truth” as if the word “truth” were the same as the words “experience” or “perspective.”  This is not a new phenomenon; when Jesus told Pilate that He had come into the world “to bear witness to the truth” and that “everyone who is of the truth listens to [His] voice,” Pilate dismissed His statements with the philosophical question, “What is truth?” and went on to hand Jesus over for crucifixion. But truth does exist, and it is powerful.  In John 14:6, Jesus calls Himself “the truth.”  In John 8:31b-32, He said, “If you abide in My word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”  These are powerful statements that say much about the identity of Jesus, the purpose and destiny of human beings, and the relationship with Him that God offers.  The latter also tells us that one of the qualities of truth is its ability to free us – lies can relieve the pain of our chains for a little while, but truth can set us free. There is nothing more painful, freeing, cleansing, elevating, or grounding than the truth.  We love the truth and hate it, need it and run from it.  Truth can be hard to hear, hard to say, and hard to accept.   The freedom it offers is not necessarily a freedom from pain.   Have you ever had one of those moments in which you realized something was true and could not deny it, and it was tough, and it hurt, but it also gave you relief because you knew it was real?  The pain of truth is better than the numbness or temporary satisfaction we get from self-deception. It is true that we all have our own experiences, and these can be very powerful.  We sometimes need to understand the reality of one another’s experiences.  These experiences can include feelings and thoughts that are very real, but acknowledging the reality of our feelings and thoughts is not the same as saying that they are true, or that the messages they give us are true.  Our feelings and thoughts do not always tell us the truth.  And, while validating our feelings as real can give us a certain amount of freedom, believing all the messages that can come with those feelings only binds us again—that, is if the messages are not true.  God tells us that truth sets us free.  As painful as it seems, it always feels better.  It’s the lies that bind us up.  When we are in truth, we realize God is not trying to beat us up.  He is trying to help us. Cinthia discussed her own experiences of this.  There were things she believed about herself that seemed so real, but they were not true.  She did not want to face the truth about some things in her life, and she even lied out of fear.  Admitting what was true was painful, but, when God brought her face-to-face with the things she had not wanted to admit or acknowledge, she found it set her free.  Many of these truths were about who she was and how He made her.  She advises, “Do not be afraid and push back when God is telling you the truth.”  God never lies.  He is for His people, not against us.  He is a good, gracious, patient, kind God Who never fails and is always available.  When He brings us into contact with hard truth, it is because He loves us.  He made us to live in the truth.  When we walk in the truth, we are in clarity and reality—actual reality.  We see more clearly.  We make better decisions.  Finding out who we each are and contending with all the proclivities we each have is important.  The truth is always our best friend; it is not created by God to harm us.  We think it will kill us, but it makes us free.  Truth is not painless.  God’s love for us does not mean life will be easy.  Think of Jesus on the cross; He died naked, bloody, beaten, scorned.  He did that so we would not have to face the judgment th

    43 min

  2. NOV 11

    Risk-Taking

    Today Cinthia opened by reading several quotes from an article called “100 Risk Quotes to Reassure and Empower You,” by Maxime Legace.  She discussed the meanings of several of these, noting that positive risk-taking is not the same as “doing something stupid;” instead, she encouraged risks that “make life something you are proud of.”   Risk is necessary in life but involves letting go of control; therefore, it requires wisdom to determine when and how to risk well.  Cinthia noted that good risks are those that help us to be the best versions of ourselves. Cinthia also noted that we each experience risk differently.  A scary and significant risk for one person might not phase another.  Circumstances can also impact the riskiness of various choices; for example, a person allergic to nuts takes a very different kind of risk in eating a nut than someone who is not allergic but wants to be more adventurous with food.  Wise risks, then, require us to pay attention to who we are and to our own limitations, as well as to what we want to gain from each risk.  Some risks lead to knowing ourselves better and being better for others. What is your risk tolerance?  What are your motivations for taking or avoiding various risks?  In what area do you need to step out and take a risk?  In what area do you need to get more information first?  How do you determine what risks are worth taking?

    43 min

  3. NOV 4

    Replay: Being in Charge of Your Own Brain (3/3/24)

    oday’s topic is the neuroplasticity of the brain and how we can use it to take charge of our own thought processes.  Cinthia opened today with a quote usually attributed to Albert Einstein: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.”  We see the problems that occur with repeating behaviors that are not working, but what about our thoughts?  Our brains create what are called “neural nets,” or networks of brain cells that learn to fire in succession in response to outside stimuli; these are often compared to superhighways in the brain.  This creates habits of thought that we often do not even notice because we are so used to them.  For example, the phone rings, and you see a particular name on the screen.  What thoughts go through your head automatically?  The stimulus happens, the thoughts begin… and, before you know it, you are traveling down that old familiar superhighway with its familiar assumptions and other habits of thought.  And every time you travel the highway, it gets reinforced, becoming more entrenched and powerful in your brain and your life.  Thus, our brains create these “crazy-fast” reactions to stimuli, but we can take control of this process and retrain our brains to respond differently. Sarah Gibson has written about this concept with the old computer-inspired idea of GIGO: “Garbage in, garbage out.”  We can, she emphasizes, decide what ideas to feed ourselves.  We can decide which thoughts to dwell on.  We can reroute the garbage truck, so to speak, and actively work to take the “trash” out of our brains.  We can create bypasses to help us stop traveling the superhighways that are not helping us.  God made our brains to work for us, not against us.  Are you a lazy thinker?  Challenge your own thoughts and feelings.  Update and maintain your own roads.  Take responsibility for the roads you travel.  Clean up the negativities, the lies, the assumptions.  Reroute the garbage truck.  All of this is easier to say than to do, but it is well worth the work. First, start to notice the neural nets that exist for you.  In what areas do you quickly find yourself starting down a familiar thought/feeling/reaction path?  Cinthia discussed her own struggle with mental “superhighways” related to an eating disorder that began early in her life; for her, there are still triggers to follow a mental track related to fears of being fat, triggers she has to consciously and intentionally resist.  We may have perceptions about why other people do what they do, and our thoughts on this reinforce our judgments and assumptions about others.  Some people have superhighways related to fears of trusting anyone.  Sometimes we think we know what will happen in a situation because we believe that is what “always” happens, but we may actually be overgeneralizing.  What are your superhighways?  What are your triggers to jump on those ramps, and what thoughts and feelings occur in response to those triggers?  Once you identify some patterns, the first thing to do is learn to pause.  To continue our superhighway analogy, pull your mental “car” over into a safe spot and take a minute to examine what just happened and where you are now headed.  Question your immediate emotional response.  Seek different information.  Find out what else there is to know.  Clarify with the person who made a comment; what did they mean by that?  Remember, our brains create these “crazy-fast” reactions based on emotional response.  Remember, feelings are very real, but they are not always true.  Don’t believe everything you think! We can retrain our reactions, but it is also important to recognize that some superhighways in our minds are so entrenched that we may struggle with them for a very long time, just as Cinthia described still having to resist eating-disordered thoughts decades after she has stopped living as an eating-disordered person.

    43 min

  4. OCT 28

    Everyone Is A Risk

    How do you approach the issue of trusting others?  Every human being is a risk.  This does not necessarily mean that we are all dangerous at deep levels, but it does mean we are fallible and that we have the capacity and potential to hurt and fail one another.  We all yearn for acceptance, accept ugly things, and are still trying to figure out who we are supposed to be.  We have trouble trusting God because we forget that God never lies.  He is perfect.  He loves His creation to the point of death.  He has experienced more harm, offense, and pain than anyone else has ever experienced, and He continues to experience our selfishness, greed, and immaturity.  In many ways, we are not a good risk for God, yet He risks relationship with us.  Jesus is the Word Who became flesh and dwelt among us (John 1); He brings us back to God the Father.  God is a good Father.  We can hold Him accountable for His words, and we must not disrespect Him.  As difficult as trust can be, we are wired for it.  We cannot help but trust in some way.  We trust that the sun will come up each morning.  We trust our safety systems and the people around us enough to fall asleep, which is an almost completely vulnerable state.  We trust the chairs in which we sit, the cars we drive, etc.  Trust is the biggest problem we have because life requires trust.  Even our pets have to deal with the issue of trust. Some people are better risks than others.  Are you a good risk for other people?  Do you lie to them?  Do you return phone calls, gossip, etc.?  Before you judge others --family, friends, even the government -- recognize that we all have the abovementioned yearning for acceptance.  We also want to feel trusted and want to feel safe.  Developing and maintaining trust in a relationship is an ongoing process.  Sometimes we need to qualify our statements so that we can be clear in developing trust instead of making sweeping generalizations, etc.  Sometimes we need to explore rifts and apologize when we mess up.  Sometimes we need to acknowledge challenges to our trustworthiness.  Jesus is our model of trustworthiness.  He is kind and strong.  When He was on earth, He did not judge inappropriately but always held the line, so to speak.  Even so, people had trouble believing in His love until He died for us, and, even now, we often struggle to trust that the One Who was willingly tortured to death for us and then overcame death is trustworthy.  Like children, we continue to question His love every time we experience pain or simply do not get what we want.  We constantly want Jesus to prove who He is, even though He has already done this.

    46 min

  5. OCT 21

    Why Does God Want Us in Relationship?

    Today Cinthia noted just a few of the many Bible verses that indicate human beings are supposed to be in relationships with God, ourselves, and others.  These included John 15:1-2, Proverbs 27:17, and II Corinthians 1:3-7.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 talks specifically about this, as well.  These verses do not indicate that we should all be extroverts or that solitude is not valuable.  They do mean, however, that we are not meant to do life alone.  Genesis notes that God said it was not good for Adam to be alone, and so He made Eve.  This does not necessarily mean everyone should be married, but it does mean each of us needs other human beings.  Relationship helps us to experience the worth God gave every human being; it is innate in our status as His human creations and does not depend on our performance.  Intimacy is the sense of knowing another person deeply and of being deeply known, and of being wanted and loved even as we are known; the term can have a sexual dimension but does not always imply this.  While we cannot safely have emotional intimacy with everyone, we do need to have emotional intimacy with some.  should go first to God with our needs and know that He is the only One Who is fully and completely dependable, but we must also learn to take wise risks in relationship with others, even though it means we will be disappointed at times.  Jesus demonstrated this perfectly.  For example, in Matthew 26:36-41 He asked three of His disciples to watch a pray with Him in a time of crisis; although they failed in this, He both asked for help and forgave them when they did not deliver perfectly.  Learning to be in relationship is complicated but necessary.  Human beings need to be seen, and we each have things to offer others.  We must learn to share parts of ourselves with others, but not everything needs to be shared all the time.  Most of us learned how to interact with others from our parents, but we do not have to copy their styles indefinitely.  Maturing in our relational functioning requires that we take our “inner children” on a journey of learning complex skills.  Cinthia expounded on this with a poem by an unknown author called “The Paradoxes of a Child of God.”  The poem offers a look at ways that developing traits in one direction can make us more fully able to function in the other direction, as well.  We continue to work on ourselves and take responsibility for our mistakes, becoming more trustworthy for ourselves and others. Another of the many reasons human beings need each other is that we can help one another to develop into the best versions of ourselves.  No human being can see himself or herself perfectly.  Cinthia discussed the Johari Window, a tool well-known in the field of counseling psychology; it offers a look at the interaction between who we are and the awareness we have of ourselves, as well as the awareness others have of us.  It looks like this:     The me that I know and that others know     The me that I know but others do not know     The me that others know but I do not know     The me that neither I nor others know   The Johari Window reminds us of several important relational concepts: that we may not always see ourselves accurately, that others may know parts of us but not all the parts of us, and that there is a part of us (i.e., the me that neither I nor others know) that only God knows.  God understands, loves, and protects that box.  He is the One with Whom that box is safe and Who can be trusted to help us navigate all the boxes, growing in our own self-awareness and in our willingness to be seen and known in healthy ways.  Ask God to help you see the parts of yourself that He wants you to see more clearly, and be open to helpful feedback regarding the places in yourself you may not see clearly right now.  Feedback is important.  Therapy can be one way to help us strengthen different facets of ourselves and our self-awareness. Our

    43 min

  6. OCT 14

    Feelings

    Feelings are very real but not always true.  They are real because they are actual sensations that are really happening in your body, often related to the chemicals your body is creating and releasing.  However, the thoughts that often come in tandem with our feelings can be untrue.  Feelings do give us information, and some of it can be true.  However, feelings are not reliable to give only true information.  Because of this, we can experience a sense of emotional flooding that makes us kind of emotionally “drunk,” struggling to use good judgment because we are overwhelmed by sensations that seem to support ideas. Because of this, we sometimes want to get rid of feelings altogether.  Feelings, however, can be seen as trying to help us.  Feelings are not bad or good; they are morally neutral tools that require skill and discernment for proper use.  We decide what to do with them.  We are responsible to consider what each feeling indicates and to ask whether the messages we are receiving from them are true.  Feelings can go awry, as in the case of anorexia, and we can misinterpret the information they present.  Make friends with your feelings, and recognize them as tools in your toolbox, rather than as your god or your guide through everything in life.  You have to decide which messages to believe, whether and how to express them, etc.  Learn how to use the tools well.  You do not need a sledgehammer for to accomplish a gentle nudge.  Do not simply allow the strongest feelings to make themselves most heard without discerning what is real.  We have more control over our feelings than we think we do.  They are just feelings; we are the people who manage them.  Be the grownup in your own body.  God made human beings to develop something we call an observing self as we grow toward adulthood.  Ideally, the observing self is like an internal coach, cheerleader, friend, and helper.  Ideally, it is not critical but speaks the truth in love, telling us what the rules are, what will help and hurt us, etc.  The observing self can help us become more what God made each of us to be.  However, sometimes we develop an internal critic that overrides the helpful function and is shaming instead; this can be especially true for people who have grown up with abuse, neglect, or other trauma, particularly trauma involving central adults in their lives.  Do you have an internal critic that is hurting you more than helping you?  How much is it costing you?  Where did it come from?  Think about the term critic; it usually connotes an outsider with ambitions of his own, one that has a job when more material is produced.  A critic is not there for the person producing and has no responsibility to that person.  However, our internal critics are inside of us; we can fire them if they are not helping us.  A critic simply offers an opinion, however educated that opinion might be.  We do not have to believe or agree with everything that comes from a critic; we do not have to accept a critic’s opinions as facts when they are not facts.  In this context, Cinthia discusses a blog written by Anne Midgette for The Washington Post about the need for art critics to be responsible; this can mean doing one’s best to convey a sense of what is happening in the field by describing all the many sides of it, fostering dialogue, etc.  Is your internal critic helpful?  Does it foster helpful exploration inside of your mind, or does it simply disparage you? Strong feelings can arise when dealing with the internal critic, and breathing is critical for managing these.  Therapists know that the shallower our breathing, the more we will tend to believe all our feelings.  Feelings can spike our adrenaline, but oxygen helps the body lower adrenaline.  Relax your shoulders and breathe; then decide whether to engage with feedback from the internal critic.  You do not have to believe everything it says.  Just because something sounds o

    43 min

  7. OCT 7

    Do You Let People Love You?

    Do you let people love you?  Do you let them know you?  Love takes time.  There are some acts of love, mercy, grace, and kindness that require very little and can be accepted without any commitment.  When someone opens the door for you in the store, smiles at you, or lets you have a parking place, you can generally accept it without trying to interpret their motives.  There are others acts of love that are more reaching and involve covering a multitude of sins.  We want to run from our proclivities, but God in His perfection is willing to be with us and cover for us while we work on repentance and change.  Accept the love and mercy that is being offered to you; do not reject goodness.  Do not insult the person who tries to give you something good.  It is okay to be uncomfortable while you practice receiving graciously. Do you worry about accepting anyone’s niceness?  Do you reject their little gifts of grace to you for fear that there will be strings attached later?  It can be so much easier to accept good things from people we do not know, people who are unlikely to be there later, because we see little chance of having to repay them in the future.  But in most cases we do not have to read minds and interpret motives; we can simply say, “Thank you,” authentically without trying to read between the lines.  If we find later that there were strings attached, after all, we can simply say, “I wish I had known that you were wanting that in return.  What can I do now?”  Usually, continuing to live as a changed person in response to the kindness is the best repayment.  If you think that you do not deserve it, take a deep breath and say, “It’s not about me.”  This can help you not to steal from others the reward of being kind.  Work on accepting compliments, even if you do not believe them right now. Love covers a multitude of sins.  It is not the same as enabling.  Love does not expose our ugliness while we are working on repentance and change.  It is a gift of grace that comes from God.  God knows the depth and darkness of our thoughts and actions, and He does not put time limits on our changing.  We do not have to get it all figured out before we go to God; in fact, He would rather we come to Him messy.  (Our own attempts to clean up the mess without Him generally just make things worse.)  And, remember, you can show love to others, too.  You do not have to love perfectly in order for someone’s life to be changed.  Loving someone is not always an ongoing commitment; you can start with small acts of kindness throughout the day.  Practice I Corinthians 13 on yourself.  The more you are willing to engage with this kind of love, receiving the love of God and loving yourself well, the more you will be able to love others.  Practice love.  Do not wait for perfection.  You can apologize when wrong.  God is the Father that is with you.

    43 min

  8. SEP 30

    Let Them Love You, Continued

    Do you struggle with letting others love you?  Today Cinthia reviews some important concepts about letting others love you.  We all need grace, kindness, even smiles; you can receive and give these things.  The better your boundaries are, the more loving you can be.  Extending grace does not mean the person owes you something.  I Corinthians 13, as well as other verses about the love of God, give us a picture of what love means.  God is kind; you be kind.  Practice kindness toward strangers and toward those close to you, honoring appropriate boundaries; receive kindnesses in the same way.  Kindness shown does not necessarily mean that one person owes another something.  Deciding for others what they are expecting in return is a boundary violation.  You do not have to read the minds of others.  Don’t allow suspicion to steal from you or from those who try to give you something.  It is okay to ask or to offer payment, but, often, the best repayment for someone’s kindness is continuing to live as a changed person.  It is okay to just say “thank you.”  Don’t insult the giver of a gift because you believe your own negative feelings.  If it turns out someone has attached strings without telling you, you can always say, “I am glad you told me.  I did not know that you were expecting or needing that.  I can/cannot do that.”  Another piece of love is covering.  Covering is a gift of grace; it is different than enabling or keeping harmful secrets.  God covers us while we let Him change us, while we work on doing the things He gives us to address.  Covering can minimize the damage and allow the person to fix what he or she has broken; it refuses to expose the person while he or she is working on repentance and change.  This does not mean that we have to make long checklists of ways the person has to prove themselves and that we have to expose them otherwise.  In close relationships, we may need to address situations in which people are not trying to change, but, in general, it is not our business.  God is with us as we change and is infinitely patient with our mistakes.  Allow those who love you to support you as you learn to be the best version of yourself.  Love can be scary because we need it so badly.  We are wired to attach.  But trying to read the minds of others in order to protect ourselves is not as effective as we might think.  Learn to be a safe person and to love who God made you to be.  Extend kindness and grace to yourself and others, and receive it from those who offer it.  There is no promise you will not get hurt, but God is with His people and will take care of you through it.

    43 min
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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
11 Ratings

About

Cinthia Hiett is a Christian life coach, business consultant, published author, international speaker, radio broadcaster, and musical recording artist. She offers insight and encouragement for dealing with relationship issues, thought patterns, and the struggle to create the best life you can and be your own best version.

Information

  • Creator
    Cinthia Hiett
  • Years Active
    2017 - 2024
  • Episodes
    713
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2013 Cinthia HIett. All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    Conversations with Cinthia

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