105 episodes

Couple of Blokes is a podcast hosted by former AFL star David 'Ox' Schwarz, and former Tour Pro Golfer Mark 'Marko' Allen.
Every Wednesday Ox and Marko are bang up for solving the worlds problems often over a couple of quiet brewski's. They talk life, relationships, footy, golf, with an assortment of ridiculous segments. Get around it before they come to their senses and realise they're actually pretty ordinary at this podcast caper and go back to watching nonstop Kayo Sports.
Executive Producer: Kaizen Media.
Sound Design: Loud Zebra.
For enquiries click here.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Couple of Blokes David 'The Ox' Schwarz and Mark 'Marko' Allen

    • Comedy

Couple of Blokes is a podcast hosted by former AFL star David 'Ox' Schwarz, and former Tour Pro Golfer Mark 'Marko' Allen.
Every Wednesday Ox and Marko are bang up for solving the worlds problems often over a couple of quiet brewski's. They talk life, relationships, footy, golf, with an assortment of ridiculous segments. Get around it before they come to their senses and realise they're actually pretty ordinary at this podcast caper and go back to watching nonstop Kayo Sports.
Executive Producer: Kaizen Media.
Sound Design: Loud Zebra.
For enquiries click here.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep74: The Trump Shooting: We Talk to an Armed Forces Sniper: "That Shot Was a Gimme".

    Ep74: The Trump Shooting: We Talk to an Armed Forces Sniper: "That Shot Was a Gimme".

    If you're coming specifically for the Sniper interview - it's around the 29-minute mark. But if you want to hear the whole pod - we'd love that.
    Ox notices Marko's 'painted' fingernail and is curious as to whether he is promoting some cause. The answer is somewhat less altruistic, and Marko explains what the sitch is.
    Ox has a new segment idea he has called 'What Should I Do?'. It occurred to him when he bumped into a homeless bloke in Melbourne and shouted him some sushi. There were issues and Ox has questions and it leads to a long conversation about charities and charity collectors. Marko tries to defend his subscription to 'Hot Gray Mums' on Instagram.
    We discuss the Trump shooting from the weekend in the US. Marko asks what would have happened in the shooter hadn't missed, and where the Secret Service were? Ox then pivots from Trump to Hooters. But back to Trump, and Ox and Marko talk about how they heard the news on Sunday morning. We discuss some of the memes that have come out since the shooting.
    Big news week, we then kick around the CFMEU issue for a minute or so.
    We get a Bali update from The Ox, he's been back for a week. The trip was great, but there was some illness among the group, it wasn't pleasant. Ox makes the observation that Balinese people, and those who live there, are very attractive. Not sure why he raised this, but he did. Ox and Marko reminisce about Timezone when they were kids....and how much fun it was.
    Following the Ox being suspended last week from his facts stats segment, he's back and he is confident that Marko and Third Man will be impressed.
    And after the Trump chat, at the 29 minute or so point of the podcast, Ox mentions he has a mate who was a sniper in the Australian Armed Forces. We decide to call him, although we give him a fake name - Wesley Snipes. He talks us through the shooting, how easy or hard the shot was, some of the considerations....absolutely fascinating chat.
    From the incredible chat with Wesley Snipes, we sneak in some quick feedback - specifically on Ox's admission last week that he eats Tim Tams from the work fridge.
    Thanks to the team at the E&S Trading Clearance Centre in Clayton, Melbourne on Dandenong Road - right opposite Ikea. After an incredible deal on amazing gear? You won't believe the prices!
    We'd love you to follow a Couple of Blokes, and get involved with the show on social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok. If you've got a comment or feedback, send a voicemail to Ox and Marko here. And don't forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast wherever you listen!

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    • 42 min
    Ep73: Ox Suspended From His Own Segment, Marko Hates on Councils, and Perth Cops a Whack

    Ep73: Ox Suspended From His Own Segment, Marko Hates on Councils, and Perth Cops a Whack

    Ox is back from Bali, tanned, relaxed, but we discover zero colonics. We're not entirely sure we believe him.
    He gives us an update on the fines situation and where he's at with them. He was a bit intimidated by the fines lady who he described as 'scary'.
    Unlike Ox, Marko is not relaxed. He has come in worked up over a council in the Bellarine, Queenscliff council, who he is very disappointed in. He explains what they've done to piss him off. Marko wants to hear issues with councils.
    Ox has come to the pod with a business idea. It has to do with McDonalds, and he reckons it's a game-changer....and on this occasion, it's pretty good! Love your thoughts on his idea. Marko is on board and feels it is one of Ox's best ideas ever.
    We hook into some early feedback, including some constructive criticism from Johnno on our logo. Harsh. And we have another Married With Children comment, which leads us into the extremely common Frasier / Cheers conversation. And we get a message from Dargz about the Hand Sandys.
    Ox reveals that he's happy to steal Tim Tams out of the work fridge.
    Final feedback comes from Nick, who wants to provide a stat given Ox has been slacking off in the Ox the Statman segment. Nick takes over the segment and gives us a killer stat, showing Ox how it should be done. Following a comment from Nick, Ox and Marko reminisce about when Ox used to do music reviews with Francis Leach on SEN.
    Ox then starts talking about how there seems to be an exodus out of Australia to escape winter at the moment. We try to entice Marko to tell us the mysterious opera singer story, he can't be tempted unfortunately. And then the pod takes a turn when Ox starts bagging out Perth, although he does love quokka's.
    Thanks to the team at the E&S Trading Clearance Centre in Clayton, Melbourne on Dandenong Road - right opposite Ikea. After an incredible deal on amazing gear? You won't believe the prices!
    We'd love you to follow a Couple of Blokes, and get involved with the show on social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok. If you've got a comment or feedback, send a voicemail to Ox and Marko here. And don't forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast wherever you listen!

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    • 41 min
    Ep72: Ox 'We Need XXXL for Overweight ex-AFL Players' & Marko: 'Old People Are Stupid'

    Ep72: Ox 'We Need XXXL for Overweight ex-AFL Players' & Marko: 'Old People Are Stupid'

    Controversial start when Marko self-reports something he has been copping criticism for. He apologises to The Ox for this particular behaviour, which Ox notes has been going for something like 20-years.
    Ox then decides to give Titleist a whack for their sizing structure in clothing, specifically their lack of XXXL clothing. He called the Titleist boss to complain, did he get anywhere?
    Marko poses a scenario to Ox and Third Man, something that happened to him at the weekend, and says that he will judge them based on their answer to this question. Then the grape-eating in supermarkets situation comes up again. Third Man mentions a mutual friend of his and Ox's who 'samples' the Scoop and Weigh / Pick and Mix section at Coles. Everyone is in agreement that this behaviour is not on.
    Marko admits that he has not yet confronted the Maccas kid who mucked up his coffee order.
    Ox is off to Bali for a quick holiday, he leaves tomorrow with a bunch of mates and his young bloke Coops. But there's a problem. To with his son's dumb-arse mate Alex who Ox describes as a "ripper kid, but dumb as dogshit". He says the only way through this problem is to blatantly lie. Ox and Marko are advocates for lying and believe it helps make the world go round.
    Ox then reveals his approach to eating at restaurants. He has a theory that he stands by.
    Our new segment 'Ox the Statman' is back, Ox has a stat on Fruit Loops for us. But Marko and Third Man have spotted a problem with Ox's approach to the stats. Ox defends himself over accusations he has been not putting enough effort into the stat segment.
    Marko reveals that he was as drunk as he's been in a long time last friday, he explains what happened and his behaviour. He was mixing drinks, had sunk close to 10 before the main course came out. It didn't end well. Marko ended up at a nightclub called 'The Electric Lady Lounge'.
    We hook into feedback from the family, including a ripper about Ox's call of the 2008 Grand Final. What a game!
    Thanks to the team at the E&S Trading Clearance Centre in Clayton, Melbourne on Dandenong Road - right opposite Ikea. After an incredible deal on amazing gear? You won't believe the prices!
    We'd love you to follow a Couple of Blokes, and get involved with the show on social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok. If you've got a comment or feedback, send a voicemail to Ox and Marko here. And don't forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast wherever you listen!

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    • 39 min
    Voicemail: From Mick

    Voicemail: From Mick

    Ox and Marko love to hear your feedback, might be a comment, a question, and idea - you can leave your comment on social media, email us, or leave a voicemail at our website here, just like Mighty Mick did.
    See you next Wednesday!


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    • 38 sec
    Ep71: Marko Reveals His Secret Massage Fantasy, and Why Does Ox have 8 Grand in Fines?

    Ep71: Marko Reveals His Secret Massage Fantasy, and Why Does Ox have 8 Grand in Fines?

    Pod starts with Ox and Marko ripping the piss, again, out of Third Man's lemon and ginger tea. Borderline defamatory. There may be legal action pending. Ox again recommends Third Man addresses his sore throat with scotch. A comment on Vicks on feet, and what it does to your socks reminds Ox of Marko's approach to socks....if you've not heard it, it is quite unusual.
    We discuss fines. And Ox explains a significant fine situation where he has a bunch of unpaid fines that have copped a heap of interest. He tells us his plan to get out of the fines, or at least down to the original fine removing the interest. Marko has also received a fine recently at his place, which he and Trish challenged because they'd never seen it before.
    Marko then raises a fact that he has heard about the country Chile. It is the most ridiculous fact you've heard, but he's convinced it is correct. It's not. Ox then adds to this with a Greenland/Iceland fact. We then discuss Vikings and where they went pillaging.
    Marko raises a problem that he has with a movie that he recently watched on Netflix called Margin Call. We discuss whether we can watch Kevin Spacey and Will Smith movies anymore. Marko gives Ox and Third Man homework which is to watch Margin Call. Ox then recommends a series called 'Drops of God' which he says is unbelievable.
    Another stat from Ox the statman, this week he has two. The first to do with Sesame Street, more a fact than a stat, the second to do with the word Stewardesses. It is a great stat. He then adds in a third one, which is also not a stat, but a fact. We need to address Ox's understanding of facts vs stats.
    Marko then reveals a fantasy that he has been having recently involving 'massage' of sorts. He explains and reckons he needs to make it happen. Ox agrees.
    Lots of feedback and questions this week, keep it coming, we love it. Heaps of feedback on our conversations on 'roasts' a couple of weeks ago, including a suggestion that Marko should be roasted. Ox makes a hugely inappropriate joke that has him and Marko in stitches. Ridiculous and embarrassing. Possibly putting our podcast license at risk.
    We reveal the poll results of Ox's mate's ball bag issue. You have voted yes, so we'll figure out how to pixellate it and put it up. Disappointing.
    Thanks to the team at the E&S Trading Clearance Centre in Clayton, Melbourne on Dandenong Road - right opposite Ikea. After an incredible deal on amazing gear? You won't believe the prices!
    And we'd love you to follow a Couple of Blokes, and get involved on social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok. If you've got a comment or feedback, send a voicemail to Ox and Marko here. And subscribe, rate and review the podcast wherever you listen!

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    • 43 min
    Ep70: Ox 'Don't Start Me on F***ing Golf Clubs', and When a Bucks Night Went Pear-Shaped.

    Ep70: Ox 'Don't Start Me on F***ing Golf Clubs', and When a Bucks Night Went Pear-Shaped.

    This weeks pod gets off to a rough start when Marko discovers that his coffee from McDonalds has been made with the wrong milk. He is unhappy, and is considering going back and lining up the kid who made it. Ox remembers a story about a Mackas incident that happened to him which makes him think he is getting old.
    Third Man doesn't believe that Marko going back to the Mackas to line up the kid who made the coffee, Ox and Marko both think he has no choice and the kid deserves to be pulled in line as this will lead to more bad behaviour. We then discuss issues with Red Rooster and their stock management.
    Ox has some breaking news on the Bellarine Peninsula. The first involving Wayne 'Duck' Carey opening a new 'entertainment establishment' in Geelong....who'd have thought. Ox tells us about the time he went to one of these establishments on a bucks night and the entertainers were mostly pregnant, which he believes is poor rostering and it dampened the mood of the bucks night. His advice for Duck, pregnant women not the best rostering option. The discussion takes an awkward turn when Marko believes women in this line of work need to be taught about contraception....which is fundamentally ridiculous on so many levels, so Ox and Third Man are distancing themselves from his comment. Complaints should be addressed to Marko.
    Ox moves onto his other breaking news from the Bellarine involving a high profile former politician who has bought a house in Barwon Heads, which could mean an issue for Ox's golf club. Marko finds it hilarious, Ox is concerned. On 13th Beach Golf, there has been a twist on the Duck Spring Roll issue, which has evolved to other food offerings. Marko reckons the club is not looking after its members. Ox raises another concern at 13th Beach Golf Club about the coffee machine and when service starts.
    Ox the Statman is back with a cracking stat this week about pigs, and a second stat about elbows. And then he bangs out a third stat on crocodiles!
    Third Man plays some audio that he heard during the week featuring the guys who must be the dumbest criminal in the world. Ox admits that he's done quite a few dumb things over the journey, he tells us about his dumb decisions involving multiple gym memberships. Very funny. But not financially responsible. Ox is about to have a few days in Bali with his young bloke, and when he gets back he intends to address the gym issue.
    Have you done this? Ox wants to hear how you have wasted money, he doesn't want to be alone on this issue.
    We chat about the legendary John Blackman's passing a couple of weeks ago. Ox and Marko knew him well.
    Ox raises a song that he thinks everyone knows. They don't. Marko and Third Man have never heard of the song, or of the singer he's talking about. And we have a family member who has analysed Marko's Willy Wonka dream.
    Thanks to the team at the E&S Trading Clearance Centre in Clayton, Melbourne on Dandenong Road - right opposite Ikea. After an incredible deal on amazing gear? You won't believe the prices!
    And we'd love you to follow a Couple of Blokes, and get involved on social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok. If you've got a comment or feedback, send a voicemail to Ox and Marko here. And subscribe, rate and review the podcast wherever you listen!

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    • 47 min

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