240: How do we raise good men? (ft. Luke Entrup)

How did you know when you stopped being a boy and became a man (if that's how you identify)? And if you're raising a son, how will he know when he's a man?

Rites of passage are critical to our development as humans ... but they're sorely missing from mainstream culture. Indigenous cultures and first nations have much to teach here.

A big issue in mainstream culture is that there's little guidance for dads on how to guide boys into becoming the healthy masculine. There's a lot of talk about toxic masculinity; we know what we don't want, but how do we teach boys what we do want?

Luke Entrup's son is 11 years old, about to be 12. And his question has been, "How do I do my part to raise a good man?" So he's leading a rite of passage retreat for fathers and sons -- specifically, fathers and sons where the boys are aged 10-14.

Here we discuss rites of passage across the ages, the relationship between fathers and sons; how to have a healthy connection with men; what it means to be a healthy dad; how to help teenage boys resist the cultural programming that "Any form of emotion is a sign of weakness, and if you show it you’ll get torn up socially"?; and how to raise good men.

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "A fear a lot men have is, 'Your power is dangerous. You hurt people.'"
• "Initiation takes a level of bravery."
• "As men, pain turns into numbness. Numbness turns into rage. And beneath it all is the pain of the past."
• "How do I show up as a good dad?"

For more info on the retreat:

The Father-Son Connection Experience: A Rite-of-Passage for Boys and Their Father-Figures

Luke's website and podcast