3 episodes

This podcast provides life coaching with power, purpose, and practical tools for a confident, healthy, and happy life.

DrBCoach.com Bethanie Hansen

    • Self-Improvement
    • 5.0, 3 Ratings

This podcast provides life coaching with power, purpose, and practical tools for a confident, healthy, and happy life.

    #38 Mindset to Forgive

    #38 Mindset to Forgive

    Forgiveness is an elusive topic, and yet possible with a "mindset to forgive." Mindset is one's mental disposition. Our automatic thoughts.

    Forgiveness is a character strength. If you take a moment to visit the VIA Character Strengths Survey, you will learn how strong of a trait this is in your life. If it’s not a strength for you or for me, it can be developed.

    In his book “Forgiving What you’ll never Forget,” David Stoop wrote the following: “To forgive is, in the English language, an extended, expanded, strengthened form of the verb to give. By intensifying the verb we speak of giving at its deepest level, of self-giving, or giving forth and giving up deeply held parts of the self. We give up the right to revenge, to perfection, to justice, and instead we give forth to ourselves—or to the other person—freedom from the past and an openness toward the future. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves and others.” (p. 21)

    In order to need forgiveness, we must first have judged that something SHOULD have happened. Or, something should NOT have happened. Either way, something is very wrong, and based on what we believe to be true, we might also believe that someone should fix it, make it right, or pay for it.

    These beliefs are stories that go with our thoughts about what happened.

    About Forgiveness

    For today’s podcast, we’ll consider whether forgiveness is a mindset, and these questions:

    * How have you typically defined forgiveness?

    * Why should we forgive?

    * How do we do it?


    I used to define forgiveness as something I might want from others, when I have made a mistake. I thought it meant that I would apologize, try to fix whatever I did, and ask the other person involved to give me forgiveness.

    When I thought about forgiveness this way, it seemed that I could never be in control of it. Someone else, outside of me, had the power over forgiveness. Perhaps I could never do enough to earn their forgiveness.

    If that was true, then no matter how sorry I was, or how much I tried to fix things, ultimately someone else could decide whether I could let it go, feel better, and move on. Expecting forgiveness to come from someone else is a common way to think about it, but there are several reasons why this is a problem.

    Have you ever defined forgiveness this way?

    If we look at forgiveness as something someone else gives the offending person, there would be no forgiveness when someone has died, when there isn’t any way to contact the other person, or when the offender has truly changed and made things right but the victim is holding tightly with an unwilling heart.

    So, for many reasons, forgiveness is not something we can expect to get from other people.

    In his book “Bonds that Make Us Free,” Terry Warner defines forgiveness this way:

    “Forgiveness, correctly understood, is the process by which we open ourselves to the reality of others and thereby undergo a profound personal change.”

    When someone asked about how you can forgive another person and forget at the same time, Warner went on to say that “we cannot accuse someone in our heart and at the same time forget about the wrong we’re accusing them of doing.” After all, in order to forgive, we must first accuse someone of wrongdoing.

    Accusation and Blame

    Basically, when we believe that someone has offended us, or wronged us, we accuse and blame them.

    We might hate, resent, or hurt them in return. We harden our hearts against the other person and build invisible walls to separate ourselves from them.

    It’s like we start a war with someone who has hurt us,

    • 16 min
    #37: How to Overcome Negativity in Life, Relationships, and Business

    #37: How to Overcome Negativity in Life, Relationships, and Business

    In today's podcast, I'm excited to discuss how to overcome negativity in life, relationships, and business. Sure, it might seem a bit unusual that I'm excited about negativity, and I agree this is a strange polarity. I'm excited because negativity is everywhere. We experience it within ourselves, with family members, with colleagues, with those we teach or manage, and with bosses. Although not everyone is negative all the time, negativity seems to creep in everywhere.

    Have you ever felt like you were stuck in negative thinking and didn't have a way out?

    Have you ever believed that someone else was being negative, shooting down all of your ideas?

    Today, I'll share three strategies you can use to tackle your own negative thinking.

    I'll also share a conversation structure idea for managing negativity with another person, from "Conscious Business," by Fred Kaufman. 

    Both approaches are extremely helpful. If you're still wondering how to get through negativity today, this podcast will help you break free.

    Negativity is a problem because it stops creativity. It closes doors. It removes possibility.

    Negativity can become a mindset that shades everything, like wearing a pair of tinted glasses. Yet it doesn't have to be that way. Optimism and realism can exist together, and this kind of balanced perspective creates possibilities.

    Enjoy the podcast!

    For a link to the book I've mentioned in this podcast, Fred Kaufman's "Conscious Business," please click here. 

    • 27 min
    #36: Resilience and the Majestic Elephant Within

    #36: Resilience and the Majestic Elephant Within

    The world we're living in begs us to have resilience. Consider the sculptor who chipped away at a rough block of stone, intentionally revealing the majestic elephant within. He claimed the elephant was there all along. And his job was just to remove anything that was not elephant.

    Just like a rough sculptor's stone, you have strengths within that are already part of you. Some have appeared throughout your life. The uniqueness and beauty of your strengths can emerge.

    Your strengths become clearer in adversity and challenging times.

    To make room for your strengths to shine, you might need to further develop resilience.

    Resilience is a skill set. Not everyone is naturally resilient. Resilience is being able to "bounce back." To recover from difficulty.

    There are five key areas of resilience:

    * Locus of control. This is the belief that you can cope. That you can handle it.

    * Connection. This is your support network and positive relationships.

    * Self-awareness. This is what you think and feel. Your experience. Your impact.

    * Creation. This is your intentional use of strategies, positive emotions, and purpose.

    * Letting go. This is your choice to lose other parts of rough stone so that the beauty beneath can emerge.

    As you think about your strengths and resilience this week, focus on core strategies to sleep, exercise, and rejuvinate.

    Best wishes to you this coming week!

    • 16 min

Customer Reviews

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DrGradyB ,

Powerful Insights

“Setting Limits: Say No More Often” resonated with me and provided valuable and powerful insights. I look forward to listening to more of your insightful podcast segments.

80s&90s lover ,

Great coaching!

This is a great podcast, I got a lot out of it to apply to my life.

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