Ep. 239: Doug Holt — How to Find Hope When You Think You Married the Wrong Person

My guest this week is holistic executive coach Doug Holt. It was Doug’s second time on the podcast (the previous episode is here) and another great discussion. This time we focused on the marriage relationship—especially when you fear that you married the wrong person. Our discussion focused mostly on male-female couples, but many of the things we talked about are relevant for all committed partnerships.

Topics we discussed included:

• What leads people to think they married the wrong person
• Feeling like one is married to a “roommate with a ring”
• Blaming one’s partner for marital disconnect
• Focusing on the person you can control, vs. the other person
• The disconnect between one’s reception in the wider world and at home
• The common isolation from a brotherhood that many men experience
• Looking to one’s partner to fulfill all of one’s needs
• The book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover
• Putting our validation for our self-worth on our partner
• Doubling down on relationship behaviors that aren’t working
• The turn-off of needy energy
• The downsides of interacting in a transactional way with one’s partner
• Asking one’s partner about how much their relationship needs are being met
• Choosing a spouse that is perfectly positioned to challenge us and push our buttons
• Taking marital challenges as feedback and opportunities for growth
• Self-betterment as a no-lose option
• Time and money as indicators of one’s values
• The very rough patch that Doug went through in his marriage
• Working with parents to improve kids’ lives
• What it means to be a “powerful man”

Doug Holt has been changing lives through his coaching for nearly 30 years.

He owns several successful companies and specializes in helping men (especially business owners) to grow their businesses, strengthen their relationships, and design the life they want to live.

Doug lives with his wife and two kids in Oregon.

Learn more about Doug and his work at his website.