Episode 024: Motherhood is Death by a Thousand Cuts

A couple years ago, I vividly remember standing at the kitchen counter getting the kids’ lunch ready. Cutting the hotdog length-wise twice, then 11 times the other way. Slicing the grapes in 2. I was mid-slice into the string cheese when I thought that I just might not make it through the day.

“All I do is cut their food. That’s it. I feel like I’m cutting food all day long. I should be counting how many cuts I make a day, because I bet the number is close to 1,000…but then if I knew that, it would only depress me.”

I felt that to my core. Despair, longing, resentment. Death by 1,000 cuts.

Death. Death to our bodies, death to our momentum, and death to our schedules. Death to our selfishness, our need for control, and our freedom. Death to ourselves. 

And that’s a really good thing, when we allow the death-cuts to kill the ugly, selfish parts of us that need to go.

The best parts of us that we can’t focus on because of our kids – we bury. The uniqueness with which we were created – we mask. The dreams of “one day I’ll pursue that dream”  – we slay. The beautiful, glorious identity we could still have outside of our motherhood – we lead to the slaughter. 

So how do you tell these cuts apart? You’ve got to take the time to listen to your own thoughts. Get to know the voices at war in your mind. And then choose to allow the gentle, loving nudges of a God who created you for the best to cut away the things you just don’t need. And tell the rest of the fear mongers to GET. OUT. 

Xoxo, Lisa

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