Medium Lady Talks

vandevenerin
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Medium Lady Talks

Hello, Hi! I’m Erin and this podcast is about figuring out the medium effort way to get the most out of life today. I hope that the things I unpack here can help other women, and invite them to explore their own ways to live life in the present. This is a show about experimenting, to get closer to what matters most. I’m glad you’re here, so let’s settle in.

  1. 3 DAYS AGO

    Episode 123: Are you Guilty? Or Did You Just Make A Decision? One Final Word on Guilt (until 2025).)

    Hello, hi! I can’t seem to stop talking about guilt - but  I PROMISE this is the last I’ll say about it (at least until 2025) . The thing that continues to remain problematic and troubling for so many women, the thing that gets in our way is that we’re always feeling bad. If we’re not feeling bad we’re avoiding the things that make us feel bad or managing the feeling to get rid of it. What if there was another way? Today’s episode is for anyone who ever wondered “what would I be like if I could get rid of the guilt, for good?” Episode Summary Check in: I share that I’m finally feeling my mental health improve It takes considerable effort when you feel terrible; nothing feels like medium effort and this recovery has felt that way I’m lucky to have a lot of support already available to me when I need it and I’m so thankful for my friends and family who have connected with me and supported me. Medium Effort At the beginning of Season 4 I was really helping people get out of their own way, and examining how willing we are (or aren’t) to take that step and celebrate our desires and visions for our lives. But what listeners kept pointing me to was that their guilt was a tremendous obstacle on that path. If they were ever going to get out of their own way, they were going to have to get rid of the guilt. 31% of people polled on my instagram stories said that theri personal expectations drive a lot of their burnout , they struggle knowing what to let go of and they often feel unsure of what’s normal, and what’s social media. At the end of the summer in an open call for responses, the IG community again shared DOZENS of unique reasons they feel bad. But it wasn’t until episode 113 and 114 with Tami Hackbarth where I realized that people needed a practical way to examine their guilt and move past it with certainty and grace. Today’s episode features two hallmark reasons why you should spend medium effort to get over your guilt - and both of them were featured in a book I’m currently reading: Likeable Badass by Dr. Alison Fragle.- specifically page 77, and 78 of the book Embrace the power of your decisions: our decisions can be powerful but we use guilt to minimize how much we want to use that power, instead letting our guilt make our decisions feel like a burden or like a way to keep staying small. Imagine if you chose to feel powerful instead of guilty about your decisions. Women see each decision as a chance to fail but what if we saw them as a chance to embrace our power.  Guilt drives apologies: Women apologize more than men becuse women have a lower threshold for what constitutes an apology worthy event. This low threshold for apology also comes with a caveat - you’re not just feeling like you owe more apologies but you also feel like you’re wronged and owed and apology more often. As women we need to raise the bar (ALOT) on what constitutes a transgression or wrongdoing because it’s not just getting in our way, it’s also getting in the way of our relationships and perceptions of others. In the episode I walk you through a practical exercise I call “catch and release” so you can notice your guilt, examine it for a transgression and then either release it with an apology or move on/show up with a decision. Mindful Fun: Make a list of small decisions you’re excited to make and look forward to embracing the power that comes with choosing your clothes, picking out a movie, or deciding what to bring to the holiday potluck.    Other Episodes you might like: Episode 119: 9 Small Things I’m No Longer Feeling Guilty About Episode 120: 9 Small Things My Husband Never Feels Guilty About with guest Handsome Face Episode 121: Mindful Content Creators and the Quest to Curate a Perfect Childhood with guest Stephanie Cunningham Episode 114: The Difference Between Guilt and Shame when it comes to Self-Care with guest Tami Hackbarth   Medium Lady Reads Episode 31- Your Reading Slump

    43 min

  2. NOV 18

    Episode 122: Making the Holidays Meaningful - Keep the Joy and Ditch the Guilt

    Hello, hi! Are you feeling overwhelmed by all the expectations of the holiday season? In this episode, we’re tackling the “holiday guilt” that so many moms and women feel this time of year—guilt about not doing enough, spending too much, or skipping traditions. Together, we’ll explore how to tell the difference between decisions you need to let go of and opportunities to align with what truly matters. By the end of this episode, we'll have completed an exercise to help you map out a holiday season that feels joyful, intentional, and guilt-free.   Episode Summary Check in: I share that while everything is going well on paper, I’ve been struggling with a flare-up of my anxiety. My empathy has been in overdrive with a lot of things I’m witnessing online or in the news. I’m trying to remember that I’ve learned a lot over the last 5 years managing my health and wellness, but that doesn’t mean that I’m “cured” or that I’ll never struggle Today’s episode is about normalinzing guilt and allowing guilt to run the show to meet the needs of others over the holiday season. We accept our guild over the holiday because it’s kind of motivating! It gets us doing some things that maybe feel like a lot of extra for OR it helps us make decisions, and the holidays are a time when decisions are in overdrive and add to our exhaustion. I discuss a few areas of the holidays where you might be experiencing guilt:  Holiday Planning and preparation Gifts Family and Community events and expectations Parenting and Kids Holiday Burnout   Medium Effort Reflect on what always matters to you all year round and ask yourself “does that change for the holidays?” Ask yourself, “what will make me feel aligned with my values this holiday instead of managing guilt and making sure I’m productive?” Make a list of all the things that might make you feel guilty this holiday season, and sort them into two categories: 1. Move on (this is just a decision, and not specific to your values) and 2. Show Up (something is meaningful for you and should be prioritized) Mindful Fun: Make a Holiday Map On your own or with your spouse/kids/friends/ write out three priorities for your holiday (these will come from the show up column) Around these priorities list any and all activities that you might do that you can either plan for or decide if the opportunity comes up you will pursue.  Draw a large circle around those things and write in “Where I show up this holiday season” on the top of the circle Below the circle, brainstorm the non-priorities *(usually the opposite of whatever already matters to you) Draw a box around this list and title it “Where I move on this holiday season.” Now that you have a Holiday Map, notice when things show up that were unexpected and you can evaluate those things against the map, knowing you’ve already decided where to show up and where to move on WITHOUT the guilt. Our guilt is a habit, and it will take practice to remind yourself that it’s not about normalizing guilt, it’s about making decisions and having conviction about those decisions as you move through the season.  This might not feel smooth this year but with practice maybe in the future it will be easy to experience the holidays without guilt! Other Episodes you might like: Episode 119: 9 Small Things I’m No Longer Feeling Guilty About Episode 120: 9 Small Things My Husband Never Feels Guilty About with guest Handsome Face Episode 121: Mindful Content Creators and the Quest to Curate a Perfect Childhood with guest Stephanie Cunningham Medium Lady Reads Episode 31- Your Reading Slump is Totally Normal Connect with Erin: Instagram: @medium.lady Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com  Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify Instagram: @mediumladyreads

    50 min

  3. NOV 11

    Episode 121: Mindful Content Creators and the Quest to Curate A Perfect Childhood with guest Stephanie Cunningham

    Hello, hi! Today’s episode features a returning special guest to Medium Lady, my friend Stephanie Cunningham. Stef can be found on instagram @steffski where she role models real-life living, sharing both the highs and the lows of homeschooling, intergenerational living and breaking the “highlight reel” so that her friends and followers feel like they can share in the chaos of this season of life.   Episode Summary Stephanie’s guiding principles about what she shares online are about authenticity and serving her own interest first, which is such a refreshing point of view when we see overly curated or highly produced content online  We discuss how much our attention might be drawn to “online perfection” while we also desire seeing, meeting and building connection with people who are “just like us” A really amazing part of our friendship is that we’re both creating content online: Stephanie and I reflect on where we’ve become more mindful about creating content even when it’s hard to resist the pull of “virality” we acknowledge that it’s not good for us and it’s not good for our communities Through thoughtful exploration time and time again with my audience I have been teasing apart the nuance of guilt experienced by women. What comes up time and time again are the concerns and worries that women have about their motherhood: am I doing enough of the right things for my children? Am I giving them the childhood they deserve? If we all want to give our kids a magical childhood where does that desire come from? How is it affected by curated motherhood content online? Our kids also have their focus drawn to content online and just like us, they have desires to bring that online content into their real lives - this changes the stakes for how we manage their expectations, and ours. Part of our desire for our children to have a magical childhood comes from the emerging conversation about how much our parents’ choices affected us, and why we might feel compelled to make sure our kids never have similar experiences. “Cycle Breaking” happens when you’re willing to get off the pendulum and acknowledge that your parents did the best that they could and sometimes they made mistakes and those mistakes affected us. The best way I’ve heard this said was listening to advocate and speaker Prasanna Ranganathan when he said his parents were “always careful to protect me while never limiting my opportunities. Curating childhood as millennial mothers also includes awareness of screen time and how we help our kids interact with screens  Our job as parents is not to make sure our kids are happy 100% of the time…. But what about the holidays? The pressure increases to curate a perfect childhood around the holidays and this can be exacerbated by what you see online. One KEY question to ask yourself around making memories this holiday season is “What do I want our family/my kids’ takeaway to be from this season?” and maybe, (probably) that will mean going against the mainstream in some way or another Stef and I also chat about the days that aren’t “holiday” and the specialness of Ordinary Time - most of our days are these sacred ordinary days and there are plenty of opportunities to bring mindful celebration and gratitude to those “regular old” days. You don’t have to do this on you own! Stephanie and her partner Craig make time to plan and work out their intentions together before they get too deep into the season Other Episodes you might like: Episode 119: 9 Small Things I’m No Longer Feeling Guilty About Episode 117: Medium Effort Advice - “Help! I’m Doing Too Much and None of it Well!” Episode 87: Cultivating your Aspirations with guest Stephanie Cunningham Episode 23: In the Interest of Realness with Stephanie Cunningham Medium Lady Reads Episode 30- Would You Try a DNF Challenge? Connect with Erin: Instagram: @medium.lady Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com  Explore more book-

    54 min

  4. NOV 4

    Episode 120: 9 Small Things My Husband Never Feels Guilty About with guest Handsome Face

    Hello, hi! Today’s episode features a very special guest who hasn’t been on the pod in a while - my husband Nick! Nick reviews last week’s episode list of the 9 Small Things I’m No longer Feeling Guilty about. We hope you enjoy this episode and you like seeing another side of Medium Lady!    Episode Summary Check in:  I’ve brought Nick on mic to review the 9 things, and you may (or may not) be surprised what he thinks of these things! Medium Effort Here’s my medium effort list of 9 things  I’m no longer feeling guilty about Buying and eating candy as a grown up Shopping at a budget grocery store Not eating enough protein Reading a lot Watching my shows on the big tv Buying stupid stuff on Amazon that I could afford but didn’t use Taking vacation days to be alone Buying used books and not reading them Not monetizing or not monetizing sooner A Moment of Gratitude: I share my gratitude for Nick - don’t worry he didn’t listen to that part of the recording. I feel so lucky to have a partner that is fun, values-driven and open to my many ideas and goals. Yet, he never let’s me take myself too seriously, which is exactly what I need!     Other Episodes you might like: Episode 119: 9 Small Things I’m No Longer Feeling Guilty About Episode 114: The Difference Between Shame and Guilt with Tami Hackbarth Episode 117: Medium Effort Advice - “Help! I’m Doing Too Much and None of it Well!” Episode 74: How to be a Human With a Voice with guest Jam Gamble Medium Lady Reads Episode 30- Would You Try a DNF Challenge? Connect with Erin: Instagram: @medium.lady Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com  Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify Instagram: @mediumladyreads

    44 min

  5. OCT 21

    Episode 119: Nine Small Things I'm No Longer Feeling Guilty About

    Hello, hi! Today’s episode is a personalized list of all the little things that I let myself feel guilty about. And through the episode I give myself permission to let these things go, mostly because there's nothing wrong with them! This episode is for you if you feel like you spend too much time trying to navigate guilt when you’re just trying to relax and enjoy yourself.   Episode Summary Check in:  I’ve just come off an amazing experience hosting a live-in person event conceived by Jam Gamble creator and CEO of the Slay the Mic program and community Today’s episode is a riff on some things I’ve been mulling ever since interviewing Tami Hackbarth from Episodes 113 and 114. Tami talked all about 100% Guilt Free Self Care, and I’ve personally struggled with going from all the guilt to none of it - this list of small things I’m letting go of is my way of using Medium Effort to get past guilt especially when it comes to the small stuff. Medium Effort Here’s my medium effort list of 9 things  I’m no longer feeling guilty about Buying and eating candy as a grown up Shopping at a budget grocery store Not eating enough protein Reading a lot Watching my shows on the big tv Buying stupid stuff on Amazon that I could afford but didn’t use Taking vacation days to be alone Buying used books and not reading them Not monetizing or not monetizing sooner Mindful Fun If you write your own list your follow up task is to look at it with a lighthearted point of view Try to laugh especially if you’ve been carrying guilt about small things - you silly goose! Let that stuff go! We’re not going to let ourselves feel bad about feeling bad A Moment of Gratitude: I share my gratitude for my podcasting equipment. My mic, my computer, Riverside, my lighting and camera, so many tools that come together to help make the podcast what a gift! I am in awe of my setup when I remember how long I dreamt of having a podcast and now I have one that is enabled by amazing technology and tools.   Other Episodes you might like: Episode 114: The Difference Between Shame and Guilt with Tami Hackbarth Episode 117: Medium Effort Advice - “Help! I’m Doing Too Much and None of it Well!” Episode 74: How to be a Human With a Voice with guest Jam Gamble Medium Lady Reads Episode 29 - Somewhere Beyond the Sea-Quel Connect with Erin: Instagram: @medium.lady Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com  Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify Instagram: @mediumladyreads

    56 min

  6. OCT 14 · BONUS

    [REPOST] Episode 28: How to Take Care while Sick

    Hello, hi! Today's episodes is one of my personal favourites from the Medium Lady Talks archives, and very relevant given my recent bout with a nasty cold this last week! I'm just making an educated guess that you or someone in your household has been sick the last few weeks! I love this episode because I made it while completely embracing how imperfect I felt while recording it waaaay back in 2022. I had a lot of doubts "why am I talking about being sick?" "will this even resonate with anyone?" but it turns out this episode is one I still get lots of great feedback on and when I relistened to it myself, I'm grateful for the advice past me shared. I hope you enjoy today's episode if you've never heard it and can think of your own ways to take care while sick. ~~~~~~ Hello, hi! Welcome to Season 2 of Medium Lady Talks!  This week's episode talks about something most of us are familiar with at this point of 2022, getting sick. This episode covers my reflections on being sick in early January and what I've learned about how to take care when feeling the effects of illness.  While this episode specifically covers "cold season" type illness, with symptoms that resolve and improve - I would invite anyone with experience with chronic illness or recurrent illness to connect on Instagram @medium.lady. This episode focuses on my own personal experience and invites you to reflect on yours, its not designed to be prescriptive or all-encompassing. If these tips help you, that's great!  Here are the tips in the episode: 1. Sick doesn't equal Sad 2. Sick doesn't move in a straight line 3. Stay still when you're sick 4. You have the time to be sick   You can always help out the podcast by providing a rating or review, and sharing it with another Medium Lady in your life! Make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss when the new episodes drop. I love to connect with listeners, you can swing by to say hi on Instagram, @medium.lady   Music is Climb by The Ghost in Your Piano. I'm grateful for its use via creative commons license.

    28 min

  7. OCT 7

    Episode 118: More Medium Effort Advice: "Past Me Had it All Figured Out..."

    Hello, hi! Today’s episode is more Medium Effort Advice. In this episode our listener asked “Past me seemed to have it all figured out. I look at pictures from 2-3 years ago and I want to get back to that but right now everything feels too hard. What do I do?”  This episode is for you if you feel like you used to be on top of things, but somehow, you’ve gotten off track. Episode Summary Check in:  I’m fighting the end of a cold (sorry for the congestion!) and all of my October anticipation (yay! Events! Friends! Family!) is colliding with that common desire to just cancel everything and stay home. Today’s listener asks a question (sent on IG) about how to get back on track, especially when comparing your current self to your past self. High effort problem solving: the high effort approach will quickly flex to muscle things back to ‘the way they were’. This approach tries to solve the problem by taking a deficit-minded approach to goal setting. This approach might take on a “self-care project” that will demonstrate achievement or future transformation. While you may get a high from the initial goal setting, eventually these radical goals are hard to sustain and may perpetuate the cycle when you find yourself “off track” again. Low effort problem solving: This approach sees the problem as very overwhelming and dreads a future where everything is even worse. They spend so much time catastrophizing the future they become anxious and overwhelmed. Because of this, the low effort personality will avoid their core emotions and escape by performing activities that change the external environment. These activitiies usually keep their hands busy in a way that temporarily helps “shut off” those emotions.    Medium Effort problem solving: Instead of the ideal future, the troubled past, or the dreaded future, what if wes set goals based on our resourceful past? *these 4 ideas are from the Dialectical Orientation Quadrant studied and published by Dr. Haesun Moon (see resources). Medium effort goal setting addresses what’s happened between that “past you” and the present - reflecting on the passage of time, evaluating the themes of your past and reviewing what you’re proud of and how you’ve tackled challenges. This approach allows you to fill in the gaps between here and there adn acknowledge that there’s many things that influenced change over time.  Mindfully setting goals after acknowledging the past enables you to acknowledge present you and use what has gone well in the past to support your future growth and goal achievement. Mindful Fun: Build a playlist to ground you in the present season. These songs might include some nostalgic favourites but should be focused on what you’re enjoying right now. Enjoy the playlist whenever you’re engaging in tasks or habits to support your new goals. Let the music you choose today represent your current season of life so future you can remember this time fondly. A Moment of Gratitude: I share my gratitude for my parents both for hosting my youngest two sons for a sleep over but also to acknowledge our evolving relationship and the ways that our relationship has been able to evolve to meet our needs and the season of life we find ourselves in. Mom and Dad, I love you both very much.   Other Resources Mentioned: Coaching A to Z: The Extraordinary Use of Ordinary Words by Dr. Haesun Moon Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski   Other Episodes you might like: Episode 117: Medium Effort Advice - “Help! I’m doing too many things and none of them well!” Episode 83: Is your Self-Care Helpful or Harmful? A Book Review of “Real Self-Care” by Dr. Pooja Lakshmin Episode 69: Unlocking the Simple Secrets of Goal Setting with guest Jillian O’Keefe Episode 62: Gentle Goal Setting for Burnt Out Mothers and Millennials   Medium Lady Reads Episode 28 - Your TBR is Just a Version of Your Ideal Self Connect with Erin

    38 min

  8. SEP 30

    Episode 117: Medium Effort Advice - "Help I'm doing too much, and none of it well!"

    Hello, hi! Today’s episode is a new kind of format, we’re doing “Medium Effort Advice”. One listener asked me on instagram: “How do I handle the problem of doing too much? Because I’m going too many things,  I end up not doing them well or even to completion. This episode is for you if you too are struggling with all.the.things this fall, and you want a bit of relief!   Episode Summary Check in:  The weekend did not go as planed but as the month of September closes out, I’ll look back on what I enjoyed about the month, and I look ahead to what I’m anticipating being fun and fulfilling in October Today’s listener asks a question (sent on IG) about how to address the problem of doing too many things and not doing any of them well or to completion. High effort problem solving: the high effort approach sees this with regret from the past, focused on allll those things that were never finished. This approach tries to solve the problem by putting it on lock in order to achieve a more ideal future state - planners, systems and rules. This approach also sees optimizing your time and maximizing productivity as “self-care” Low effort problem solving: This approach sees the problem as very overwhelming but impossible to change. They also regret the past, but even more so they dread the future as this cycle keeps repeating itself. Because this person never says no to new things, they may be getting something out of the problem some kind of positive feedback for taking on more and more.  Medium Effort problem solving: Instead of the ideal future, the regretful past, or the dreaded future what if we think about our resourceful past? *these 4 ideas are from the Dialectical Orientation Quadrant studied and published by Dr. Haesun Moon (see resources). Medium effort notes the limiting belief inherent in the question “I never do things well” or “I never finish things properly. Addressing this limiting belief helps us take action in a way that questions the limiting belief and instead confronts it with evidence from our resourceful past that proves actually, we do many things well, and we have seen lots of opportunities through to completion. Mindful Fun: In order to further help solidify your new beliefs about this problem I give the listener an “assignment” to create a project hall of fame for past projects that have gone well, AND instructions to conduct “closing ceremonies” for all of their unfinished business, so they can gain the permission they need to stop pursuing those undone things that are bogging them down.   A Moment of Gratitude: Did you know about Banned Book Week? (Sept 22-28) I share my gratitude for Libraries and all they do to maintain accessibility to knowledge and to fight against forces that would limit our agency and autonomy by controlling access information and artistic expression.   Other Resources Mentioned: Coaching A to Z: The Extraordinary Use of Ordinary Words by Dr. Haesun Moon   Other Episodes you might like: Episode 109: Medium Lady Unfiltered - Three Truths about Motherhood Content on Instagram and TikTok Episode 89: Everyday Manifesting with Diana Alexander Rane Medium Lady Reads Episode 27 - Escape and Put Your Face in a Book Connect with Erin: Instagram: @medium.lady Email: mediumladytalks@gmail.com  Explore more book-related content on "Medium Lady Reads." - link to Spotify Instagram: @mediumladyreads

    28 min
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About

Hello, Hi! I’m Erin and this podcast is about figuring out the medium effort way to get the most out of life today. I hope that the things I unpack here can help other women, and invite them to explore their own ways to live life in the present. This is a show about experimenting, to get closer to what matters most. I’m glad you’re here, so let’s settle in.

Information

  • Creator
    vandevenerin
  • Years Active
    2021 - 2024
  • Episodes
    149
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2021 All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    Medium Lady Talks

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