Everyday Happiness - Finding Harmony and Bliss Katie Jefcoat

Learn how to write a reverse bucket list with us in this episode of Everyday Happiness!
 
Transcript:
 
Welcome to Everyday Happiness, where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 
 
I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and over the past two episodes, we have discussed Arthur Brooks’ theory of the reverse bucket list. Today, I am going to teach you how to write one!
Writing a reverse bucket list is incredibly soothing, and there is a wide range of ideas that you can include. For example, you can keep it simple and write down concepts such as:
 
I have this chair in my living room. It brings me so much joy to sip warm coffee in this chair.
I have a body that serves me. Hands that work, legs that allow me to walk.
I have a mind that sees lightness through the dark that innately searches for positivity when life feels hard.
I have a family that I am obsessed with. Kids who are healthy. A marriage where we prioritize one another and a husband who is kind, patient, generous, and who loves me. I get to give and receive love with the people that I love.
Alternatively, you can think bigger about the significant life milestones you have achieved, such as:
I graduated from university with a degree I am passionate about
I bought my first home/apartment/car/boat/camper
I traveled to 10 countries
I married the person that I love
I got a job that I enjoy going to each day
I started a business/side hustle
I completed a major taskWriting a book, starting a blog, learning to play an instrument, joining a community sports team, etc.

I paid off my credit card debt/car loan/school loan/home loan
 
I am fortunate that my reverse bucket list is beautiful and long. It shows me that my wants are nice but not what will truly make me happier. I have everything I need to be as happy as I can be right now.
 
I want to note that it is important to remember that the above ideas are just basic ideas built off general life concepts, but it is vital to address happiness outside of societal norms. Just because I didn’t list an accomplishment here doesn’t mean that it isn’t an accomplishment. Anything that makes you happy and feels like a positive attribute of your life belongs on this reverse bucket list!
 
I’m curious if you have any ah-ha moments when you start writing out your haves list. If so, please share them in the comments or on socials and tag me at @everydayhappinesswithkatie! 
 
Life is heavy enough, we shouldn’t have to search for happiness.  Get the exclusive happiness email, the happiest email in your inbox, delivered with a smile twice a month. https://www.katiejefcoat.com/email 
 
And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram
 
Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Did you know that satisfaction is one of the key components to happiness, but writing a traditional bucket list won’t help? However, a reverse bucket list will! Tune in to find out more!
 
Transcript:
 
Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 
 
I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and yesterday we discussed Arthur Brooks’ concept of the reverse bucket list. What Arthur Brooks is trying to achieve with a reverse bucket list is for you to feel more satisfied with the dreams you've accomplished and the things you already have. He says it can solve that satisfaction problem!
 
What is the satisfaction problem? Satisfaction is not a function of what you HAVE - it’s actually an equation of what you HAVE and what you WANT. Think of it like a fraction: the top is what you have, and the bottom is what you want. When you don’t manage the denominator, the bottom, the wants will expand and sprawl. This is your traditional bucket list.
 
Instead, we have the reverse bucket list. You write a list of your haves and try to detach yourself from the wants by focusing on those haves. Then, your denominator will fall, and satisfaction will rise. That is the reverse bucket list exercise.
 
Now, how does satisfaction and that reverse bucket list play into hedonic adaptation?
 
Perhaps, you remember from previous blog posts or podcasts on hedonic adaptation prevention? As a reminder, hedonic adaptation is the natural process where heightened happiness due to some new circumstance inevitably loses its shine, and your happiness levels return to where they were before the change occurred.
 
When we achieve something new on a traditional bucket list, the joy behind it fades quickly away, and it just becomes another check mark. However, the Hedonic Adaptation Prevention theory assumes that hedonic adaptation is not inevitable as long as you continue to interact with the new circumstance in a positive way that continues to boost your happiness. That is where a reverse bucket list comes in! When writing a reverse bucket list, you get to revisit that happiness and satisfaction all over again.
 
Tomorrow, we are going to dive into the details of writing a reverse bucket list, so make sure to tune in!
 
Life is heavy enough, we shouldn’t have to search for happiness.  Get the exclusive happiness email, the happiest email in your inbox, delivered with a smile twice a month. https://www.katiejefcoat.com/email 
 
And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram
 
Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

Do you have a traditional bucket list? How about a reverse bucket list? Studies show a reverse bucket list may be better for your health. Check out it in this new podcast episode!
 
Transcript:
 
Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 
 
I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and I want to travel back to Australia. I want to buy a shiny white sports car. I want to travel first class. I want to make millions. See what I did there? I just made a traditional bucket list.
 
Do you have a bucket list of everything you want to do in life? You may even have multiple lists categorized by meaning, such as career, familial, or travel. Bucket lists are a creative way for us to dream big, think about future goals, and get our butts in gear to pursue those ideas.
 
However, they aren’t all sunshine and roses. All those “wants” screaming in our brains can have a negative effect on our long-term happiness and satisfaction. Therefore, having a Reverse Bucket List may be a healthier alternative.
 
Okay, Katie…what the heck is a reverse bucket list? The Reverse Bucket List concept was created by Arthur Brooks, a Harvard professor, PhD social scientist, #1 bestselling author, and columnist at The Atlantic, which is where I first learned of this concept. If you are an avid listener, you have likely heard me talk about his ideas before!
 
The reverse bucket list meaning is to improve satisfaction, which in turn, enhances happiness. How does it do that? Brooks says, “The fewer wants there are screaming inside your brain and dividing your attention, the more peace and satisfaction will be left for what you already have.”
The reverse bucket list is essentially writing a list of your haves. In the process, you are trying to detach yourself from the wants (a traditional bucket list) by focusing on those haves. In doing so, you aren’t pining for what you don’t yet have but are taking satisfaction from what you have already accomplished.
 
I’m not done yet! We will continue talking about the reverse bucket list over the next two episodes, so don’t miss out!
 
Life is heavy enough, we shouldn’t have to search for happiness.  Get the exclusive happiness email, the happiest email in your inbox, delivered with a smile twice a month. https://www.katiejefcoat.com/email 
 
And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram
 
Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

An unfortunate reality of happiness practices is that sometimes people can go too far and fall into the toxic positivity trap. Today, we discuss how to prioritize emotional validation over toxic positivity and why it is important. 
 
Transcript:
 
Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 
 
I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and today I was reading a fascinating article from Very Well Mind, and it led me to want to talk to you about utilizing emotional validation over toxic positivity. First, let’s break it down.
 
Toxic positivity is forced positive thinking when the situation isn’t appropriate. Unlike general positivity, which encourages us to notice the good things in life, toxic positivity comes at the risk of denying our actual emotions or the emotions of others. An example would be when a friend is telling you that they lost their job, and you respond with “look at the bright side” or “everything happens for a reason.” What happens here is that the person sharing is invalidated in their feelings of sadness, anger, or guilt.
 
The article explains that emotional validation is when people allow themselves and others to experience their feelings in their entirety and acknowledge that having negative emotions is both real and important. By taking the time to learn, understand, and accept our own emotions and experiences, and those of others, we can genuinely process what is going on. Toxic positivity pushes those feelings aside, never allowing them to be processed, and often making someone feel even worse for having them in the first place.
 
So, how can we practice emotional validation over toxic positivity?
 
First, when someone is telling you about a hardship, take a moment to reflect on what they have said and acknowledge their pain. People want to be listened to; they don’t always need an “it’s gonna be okay” immediate response. Start by responding with something like “I understand that you feel sad/upset/angry” to acknowledge their emotions.
 
Second, be supportive and encourage them to elaborate. We never know what’s going on in someone else’s mind, so encouraging them to be honest and reflect on the situation and their feelings is critical.
 
Lastly, validate what they are feeling. Validating someone’s emotions, even negative ones, can go a long way in their recovery process. By saying things like “I see why you feel that way” and “that sounds super tough,” you can support them in their emotional processing. Now, this doesn’t mean to egg them on; it is simply to acknowledge that what they feel is valid.
 
Until next time, remember that kindness is contagious. Spread a little joy in the world by doing something nice for someone.
 
Life is heavy enough, we shouldn’t have to search for happiness.  Get the exclusive happiness email, the happiest email in your inbox, delivered with a smile twice a month. https://www.katiejefcoat.com/email 
And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram
 
Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it can also boost your happiness! Tune in to find out why pictures make us happy and how you can add more to your life!
 
Transcript:
 
Welcome to Everyday Happiness, where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 
 
I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and today I found myself staring at a family picture on my desk. This picture captured that moment of happiness, and now I get a little boost of joy every single time that I look at it. That got me thinking, do pictures make us happier? The answer is yes!
 
After the evolution of photography went from getting film printed to having everything right at your fingertips on your phone, I will admit there was a lull in my picture printing frequency. I had all these “older” photos from years in the past on my walls, but nothing recent. Why? Because it was all on my phone. However, I noticed that those lovely pictures of the happiest moments in life often got swept away in the massive online photo album with random images of food, cat memes, and screenshots of purchases delivered long ago. So, there I was thinking, “Katie, you should really get some recent pictures printed.”
 
According to a post from Psychology Today, pictures do make us happier for these reasons.  
 
First, pictures remind us of the people, places, and activities we love. When you look at all your favorite things in life, it brings a smile to your face.
 
Second, pictures help us to remember the past. Maybe the image is of a departed loved one or a special moment. Photos are a wonderful way to prompt our memories to remember those happy moments.
 
Third, pictures can save space. There are times in our lives when it can be hard to let go of an item, like an old car or bookshelf, because of the memories associated with it. You know you don’t need it, so taking a picture of it can still preserve that memory while clearing the space for new ones.
 
Fourth, pictures can condense childhood. The writer gave an excellent example that I may try myself. She used a company called Plum Print (no affiliate here, folks) that took photos of all of her child’s childhood artwork and school projects and condensed them into one slim photobook. Now, the writer and her child can lovingly look through all those memories without getting attacked by glitter and stray macaroni.
 
Finally, pictures can curate the things you love, foster creativity, and even act as a diary. Many use photography to express themselves and gather the things they love. Whether you love making Pinterest boards, enjoy posting Instagram pictures, or use photographs as a diary, those pictures make you happy.
 
Now, I am going to search through my endless photos for the brightest memories and send them off to get printed! What’s your favorite photo in your home? Let us know in the comments, or tag us over at Everyday Happiness with Katie. Want more happiness tips? Sign up for our newsletter!  You can do that over at www.katiejefcoat.com/email 
 
Life is heavy enough, we shouldn’t have to search for happiness.  Get the exclusive happiness email, the happiest email in your inbox, delivered with a smile twice a month. https://www.katiejefcoat.com/email 
 
And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram
 
Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/

It’s time.  I’ve been thinking about this pivot for months.  Contemplating every twist and turn. With clarity, I know that right now, this is the right next step.  
 
Transcript:
 
Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in about 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 
 
I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and at the beginning of January I wrote a post in our membership community about feeling overwhelmed.  But overwhelm wasn’t the word.  Busy wasn’t the word either.  You see, every new year I “come in hot” with piles of ambition, goals, ideas, clarity, priorities and to-do lists.
 
This year. I’m not. I just can’t get there.  That’s what I wrote in January.
 
I continued by sharing that I have a really strong urge to slow down and hunker down in 2023. Something is pulling at me. My intuition is screaming at me to be still and to stop chasing the next thing.
 
I don’t know what this will mean - but I’m listening.
 
This is where I shared my word of the year, we do this as a group and it’s really fun.  My word this year is: CARE
 
My theme this year, the feeling I want to lean into this year is: more FREE TIME
 
I am obsessed with my consulting work like never before. I see so much value in Everyday Happiness and our COMMUNITY has been the backbone for support and the catalyst for change for me and so many others. We have coffee chat on Zoom once a week and it’s so great to connect with other women. 
 
I’ve always thought it’s amazing what one person can do when they have a group of women cheering them on.
 
So as 2023 goes … I’m holding strong to what we’ve built, nurturing the pillars that got us to where we are.  
 
With so much reflection and thought, this looks like a pivot for you listening right now. At the end of this month, the Everyday Happiness podcast will transition to a bi-monthly email. The email has already started.  I think it’s the happiest email in your inbox and it will be filled with kindness, happiness, insights and a note from me. I hope you join me.
 
Life is heavy enough, we shouldn’t have to search for happiness.  You can get the exclusive happiness email, delivered with a smile twice a month to your inbox when you visit https://www.katiejefcoat.com
 
And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram
 
Links:  https://onamission.bio/everydayhappiness/