20 min
Fear & Your Leap of Faith; 100 Days of Being An Actress Love Your Creativity » Podcast Feed
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It is called a leap of faith for a reason: it’s not a small step or a sideways shuffle, not a little hop skip and then stop to look where you are going. It is a full bound leap over the side with arms flung to the air, not knowing whether you will end up swimming in a river of crocodiles or resting on Harvey Weinstein’s yacht with a glass of Krug. Every creative project always has a moment when you have to leap off and trust that the end result will be better for having leapt, be it a success or a ‘failure’ than some once half dreamed project that you never really got moving on or properly finished piece of work that never actually sees the light of day.
(You can listen to the podcast version by just pressing the arrow or here are the main points below)
There is also the fear of your life choices: I am happy with the choices I have made to be a professional creative. Occasionally though the instability, the insecurity of the next job, the fact as a freelance actress and performer my career and income is always uncertain, the fear may creep in. My father may never get over the fact that if I had not left my bond dealer career at 26 (I used to work in the City – the London equivalent of Wall Street) along with my Manolo’s and large pay packet I would be very wealthy now and probably have a serious London apartment paid for. However I may have to move out of the wonderful place I live in two months time and the mere thought of London flat hunting with it’s ever rising rents and the fact I don’t want to get a ‘proper job’ with a guaranteed income means there is more uncertainty than ever.
In rational moments I know I have made the right choices, that this is where I need to be for my career and my heart space but late at night fear creeps in! The fear gets worse also as I contemplate my next projects, especially the film I want to make based on my new solo theatre show that I am workshopping next month at the Lost Theatre in London. It may be terrible: terribly filmed, acted, conceived, written.. I could go on with all the negatives.
However as outlined in Five Regrets of The Dying, a book from a nurse in palliative care, the number one regret of those at the end of their life is
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I am ‘lucky’ that my life tends to support itself, the projects I have done and the network of people around me always gives me fresh hope and impetus to go on. This happened again today as I have had two screenings of films I am in over the last 24 hours:
Pearl which premiered in Forest Hill which was a lovely short I did last year directed and written by Nick Barrett. Trailer below. (It is to have its big screen premiere in a couple months at Crouch End Arts Cinema)
Pearl trailer from CORPOREAL Films on Vimeo.
Closer To Home (kickstarter details here) should have premiered at the BFI directed by Bhavithrah Satkunarasa & produced by James Lyndon today along with the other graduation projects of UAL, however the sound was not ready so the film had to be pulled at the last minute. I had already organized to go to the BFI and was meeting a friend who wanted some creative coaching and inspiration advice beforehand so I went to watch the other films despite not getting to watch the film I was in. It was wonderful to see so many young female directors, producers and writers all graduating.
After the BFI screening I got chatting to Thomas Stoppel who was brilliant in one of the films ‘Things I Do For You’
However not only is he an actor, he also has produced, written and directed short films and feature films. I asked him how he got into making films given he really is such a great actor and has a great look as well, enough of a combination that many in such a position would rest on their laurels and wait for work to come to them. His website link here
‘I made my own TV Cookery series when I was 18
It is called a leap of faith for a reason: it’s not a small step or a sideways shuffle, not a little hop skip and then stop to look where you are going. It is a full bound leap over the side with arms flung to the air, not knowing whether you will end up swimming in a river of crocodiles or resting on Harvey Weinstein’s yacht with a glass of Krug. Every creative project always has a moment when you have to leap off and trust that the end result will be better for having leapt, be it a success or a ‘failure’ than some once half dreamed project that you never really got moving on or properly finished piece of work that never actually sees the light of day.
(You can listen to the podcast version by just pressing the arrow or here are the main points below)
There is also the fear of your life choices: I am happy with the choices I have made to be a professional creative. Occasionally though the instability, the insecurity of the next job, the fact as a freelance actress and performer my career and income is always uncertain, the fear may creep in. My father may never get over the fact that if I had not left my bond dealer career at 26 (I used to work in the City – the London equivalent of Wall Street) along with my Manolo’s and large pay packet I would be very wealthy now and probably have a serious London apartment paid for. However I may have to move out of the wonderful place I live in two months time and the mere thought of London flat hunting with it’s ever rising rents and the fact I don’t want to get a ‘proper job’ with a guaranteed income means there is more uncertainty than ever.
In rational moments I know I have made the right choices, that this is where I need to be for my career and my heart space but late at night fear creeps in! The fear gets worse also as I contemplate my next projects, especially the film I want to make based on my new solo theatre show that I am workshopping next month at the Lost Theatre in London. It may be terrible: terribly filmed, acted, conceived, written.. I could go on with all the negatives.
However as outlined in Five Regrets of The Dying, a book from a nurse in palliative care, the number one regret of those at the end of their life is
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I am ‘lucky’ that my life tends to support itself, the projects I have done and the network of people around me always gives me fresh hope and impetus to go on. This happened again today as I have had two screenings of films I am in over the last 24 hours:
Pearl which premiered in Forest Hill which was a lovely short I did last year directed and written by Nick Barrett. Trailer below. (It is to have its big screen premiere in a couple months at Crouch End Arts Cinema)
Pearl trailer from CORPOREAL Films on Vimeo.
Closer To Home (kickstarter details here) should have premiered at the BFI directed by Bhavithrah Satkunarasa & produced by James Lyndon today along with the other graduation projects of UAL, however the sound was not ready so the film had to be pulled at the last minute. I had already organized to go to the BFI and was meeting a friend who wanted some creative coaching and inspiration advice beforehand so I went to watch the other films despite not getting to watch the film I was in. It was wonderful to see so many young female directors, producers and writers all graduating.
After the BFI screening I got chatting to Thomas Stoppel who was brilliant in one of the films ‘Things I Do For You’
However not only is he an actor, he also has produced, written and directed short films and feature films. I asked him how he got into making films given he really is such a great actor and has a great look as well, enough of a combination that many in such a position would rest on their laurels and wait for work to come to them. His website link here
‘I made my own TV Cookery series when I was 18
20 min