The Complete Men Podcast Paul Tonner

In this episode, Paul will talk about the importance of having a positive mindset and being optimistic about life, approaching it from a positive point of view. He will also talk about the energy one has and what they can give out to the world around them through their mindset, their actions and their words.
Paul will talk about how for many years he struggled greatly and let himself down through his negative mindset and how it greatly affected himself and those close to him, eg, leading to divorce. He will also talk about how attending Complete Men on a regular basis has helped him greatly in filtering out and being aware of his negative thoughts and the positive environment provided at a Complete Mens group.
He will also discuss some of the following
- how having a positive mindset means making positive thinking a habit and continually looking for the positives in every situation good or bad.
- the importance of focussing on your self-talk and how we can be our worst critics and catastrophise situations.
- characteristics/traits associated with having a positive mindset eg, acceptance, optimism, resilience.
- health benefits of positive thinking eg, increasing one's lifespan, improved physical and psychological well-being, lower rates of distress and pain.
Paul will also share the inspirational story of Nathan Charles, a former professional Rugby Union player who defied science and has overcome challenges in his life to become the only professional athlete to play a contact sport with Cystic Fibrosis. Paul will talk about Cystic Fibrosis and the great work Nathan Charles does as an ambassador for Cystic Fibrosis Australia raising awareness of the condition. Nathan Charles story is one that exemplifies the power of having a positive mindset and is a story of true determination, grit, courage and a never give up attitude.
May 26 each year is 'Sixty Five Roses day', which is the National Day of Awareness for Cystic Fibrosis and people can purchase a bouquet, sell roses in the community or send virtual roses throughout the month to raise money. This money goes towards helping provide vital support services to people with CF and fund critical research.
Paul will also provide some tips on identifying negative thinking and focussing on positive thinking which includes
1. Focussing on good things in one's life.
2. Practicing Gratitude and starting everyday on a positive note eg, uplifting music, going for a walk.
3. Opening yourself up to humour
4. Spending time with positive people
5. Practicing positive self-talk
6. Identifying areas of negativity.

Sources
1.Mayoclinic.org ‘healthy lifestyles, stress management. Positive thinking. Stop negative talk to reduce stress.’ By mayo clinic staff. 3/2/2022.
2.Positive psychology.com ‘positive mindset: how to develop a positive mental attitude,’ by Courtney e. Ackerman M.A. 5/7/2018.
3.Song by Monty python “always look on the bright side of life”, source lyric find, written by eric idle.
4. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nathan_Charles
5.. Australia’s toughest sportspeople ‘Nathan Charles, rugby union’, by mick Collis,
affirm press, 2021.
7.https://www.cff.org/intro-cf/about-cystic-fibrosis
8. https://www.nathancharles.com.au/my-story
9. Sydney university football club ‘Nathan Charles appointed new executive general
manager,’ by sufc, 25/11/2022.
10 Australian Men’s health ‘how wallaby Nathan Charles tackled cystic fibrosis torepresent Australia,’ by men’s health staff 1/5/21.
11. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verity_Charles
12. https://www.cfwa.org.au/65roses2023/
13.Healthline.com ‘benefits of thinking positively and how to do it.’ By Adrienne Santos Longhurst, medically reviewed by timothy j. legge PhDPsyD. 21/2/2019.
Intro Music- Thrive by All Good Folks from album Music Vine
Outro Music- Revelations by Richard Smithson album Uppbeat

In this episode Paul will talk about what trauma is and how it affects people in different ways and what some of the causes of trauma are. Paul will also discuss
- emotional and psychological trauma and how it is caused by one-time events and ongoing, relentless stress.
- times when Paul has experienced some trauma and what helped him dealing with trauma.
- emotional and physical symptoms of trauma
- how one who suffers trauma can receive help and live a productive life
- the remarkable story of Tony Dell, a former Australian Cricketer who served in the army in the Vietnam War and his many years of living with undiagnosed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from his time on the battlefield. He is now playing a tremendous role in raising awareness of PTSD in the community.
Paul will also discuss some Types of Treatment available for Trauma.
1. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
2. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing or EMDR
3. Somatic Therapies eg, acupoint stimulation, Reiki, sensorimotor psychotherapy.
4. Medications to help with anxiety, sleep, depression.
5. Self care eg, exercise, healthy diet, avoiding alcohol and drugs.
6. Mindfullness
7. Connecting with others and seeking support eg, support groups such as Complete Men.
Sources
1.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony_Dell
2.https://www.espncricinfo.com/cricketers/tony-dell-4937
3.Podcast ‘once upon a time in the ashes, episode 9, tony dell’, 4/6/2021
4.One voice ‘tony dell lived experience 2021’, n.d.
5.Skysports.com ‘tony dell’s journey from ashes debutant to ptsd victim of vietnam war exported in new book’, by greg milam, 24/6/2021.
6.Twice shot ‘stand tall’, by tony dell founder of standtall4pts.org 17/10/2017.
7.The footyalmanac. Write from the heart. ‘Almanac life: tony dell-soldier in a baggy green finds peace at last’, by ron reed, 29/6/2021..
8. Help.Org.au 'emotional and psycological trauma', by Lawrence Robinson, Melinda Smith M.A and Jeanne Segal Ph.D 6/6/23.
9. American Psychological Association 'Trauma', August 2022.
10. Four Corners.com.au '5 Australian Immigration Success Stories', n.d
Intro music- Thrive by All Good Folks from album Music Vine
Outro music- Revelations by Richard Smithson.

In this episode Paul talks about the topic of happiness and how happiness is a choice and that it is far more important to focus on internal happiness rather than the external eg, money, love. Paul will also talk about the happiness he acquires by attending Complete Men's groups on a regular basis, especially through the connection he receives and the support. Some other information to do with happiness includes.
- how happiness is being present and accepting things the way they are.
- how wanting and desiring things all the time will take one away from being happy.
- the importance connection between gratitude and mindfulness in regard to happiness.
- how social and cultural factors influence how one thinks about happiness and that genetics and life experiences play a role.
- why happiness is important e.g., improves one's health, stronger friendships, more productive at work, coping better with stress.
Paul will also provide some useful tips on how to build happiness in one's life such as
1. building relationships and social connections
2. practicing appreciation and mindfulness regularly
3. practicing kindness, helping out others.
4. choosing a healthy lifestyle e.g., physical activity, adequate sleep, eating a healthy, balanced diet.
5. managing stress levels
6. using humor and doing things one enjoys and also what they are good at.
7. listening to uplifting, happy music e.g., create a happy playlist.
8. Communicating with others when feeling unhappy and attending support groups such as men's groups.
Sources
1.    Greatergood magazine. Berkeley university of California ‘happiness’, 2023
2.    https://thiswayup.org.au/what-is-happiness-and-why-is-it-important/
3.    https://www.nhsinform.scot/healthy-living/mental-wellbeing/low-mood-and-depression/how-to-feel-happier
4.    The mindset mentor podcast “happiness-peace of mind”, by Rob Dial. 
5.    Thecreativesjournal.com ‘Karen Lethlean’, n.d.
Intro music- Thrive by All Good Folks from album Music Vine
Outro Music- Revelations by Richardd Smithson from Uppbeat.

In this episode Paul talks about a powerful visualization process he took part in at Complete Men recently and the many benefits of visualization eg, becoming a better man, self love. Paul will also discuss
- What is Visualization?
- examples of some well-known sportspeople from over the years who have used visualization to help them excel in their sport eg, Arthur Ashe, Matthew Hayden, Kaite Ledecky.
- that visualization can help one in everyday life such as helping one in reaching their financial goals, helping one in their occupation and in relationships, job interviews and public speaking.
Paul will also provide some useful tips to consider on how to practice visualization such as
1. imagining the specific situation and using all of the senses eg, sight, smell, hearing.
2. deciding on what technique suits eg, meditation.
3. being clear and realistic with goals
4. writing daily affirmations and using "I", language.
5. creating a vision board and filling it with pictures of what you want your life to be like.
6. setting your GPS ie, Goal, Path, Screen (imaging what it looks like on a screen and how it would feel).

Sources
1.Forbes.com ‘the power of visualisation and how to use it,” by Lidija globokar, 5/3/2020.
2.. restoic.com ‘what is visualization? How successful athletes use this proven technique?’ by team restoic, 19/11/2020.
3.Espn.cricinfo.com, couch talk ‘I was much an ironman as I was a cricketer,’ interview by Subash Jayaraman with Matthew Hayden, 27/2/2016.
4.The mindset mentor podcast by rob dial ‘visualize and attract what I want,’ 4/7/2022.
5.https://www.legends.report/arthur-ashe-more-than-a-wimbledon-champion/
6.Mindtools.com ‘visualisation’, by the mindtools content team, n.d.
Intro music- Thrive by All Good Folks from Album Music Vine
Outro music- Revelations by Richard Smithson from Uppbeat.



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In this episode, Paul talks about what it means to be a self-confident person and how one needs to learn how to build confidence and that it is an ongoing project. Paul will also talk about times in his life when his confidence was high and when it was low and how attending a men's group such as Complete Men has greatly improved his self-confidence and be more vulnerable. Paul will also discuss
- the difference between a confident and a non-confident person.
- factors that influence one's confidence
- how our personal choices impact one's confidence and how doubt blocks one from reaching their potential in life.
- the danger in having a comparison mindset and the importance of having a growth mindset not a fixed mindset.
- the importance of embracing our past experiences and acknowledging the skills we have acquired.
Paul will also discuss some tips on how to develop self-confidence such as
1. Trying a quick fix e.g., picturing yourself having success.
2.  Having the belief in your ability to improve.
3. practicing failure.
4. making a list of your achievements and things you are proud of in your life and acknowledging your personal strengths and talent and reminding yourself of them.
5. allowing time for your hobbies and trying out new things eg, podcasting.
6. Practicing positive self-talk
7. considering talking to a counsellor or mental health professional if struggling to develop self-confidence to help learn strategies.
8. healthy diet, exercise and sleep.

Sources
1.TED-Ed ‘3 tips to boost our confidence’, by Susan Zimmerman 7/10/2015.
2. On Purpose with Jay Shetty Podcast ‘5 mindsets necessary to build self-confidence and 4 ways to know you're enough’.4/8/2023.
3. Reachout.com ‘how to build self-confidence’, https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-build-self-confidence
4. University of south Florida, counselling centre ‘what is self-confidence?’ https://www.usf.edu/student-affairs/counseling-center/top-concerns/what-is-self-confidence.aspx
5. The mindset mentor podcast with rob dial ‘master your decisions. The psychology of taking action,’ by rob dial 7/8/2023.
6. verywellmind.com ‘how to be more confident: 9 tips that work’, by amy morin 13/2/2023.
7. www.xcode.life ‘is self-esteem genetic? What studies say’, 22/8/2022.

In this episode Paul will talk about what it means to have self-discipline, why it is important in our lives and how one can develop self-discipline and lead a happier and more productive life.
Paul will also talk about times when he has displayed self-discipline in his life and times when he has let himself down by not doing so.
Other areas that will be discussed include.
- the difference between self-discipline and motivation.
- how self-discipline reduces anxiety, increases one's ability to reach their goals, increases happiness and builds resilience.
- how one can develop self-discipline through focusing on the change of identy they want to happen and targeting the fundamentals in life eg, sleep, nutrition and exercise.
- writing out goals and creating reminders and getting others to hold you accountable.
- prioritizing and knowing your weaknesses
- changing your perspective and embracing and leaning into discomfort.
References
1.entrepreneurship, health, how to fix the world, how to human, ‘screw motivation, what you need is discipline’, by Zbyhnev N.d.
2. Betterup.com, ‘developing the discipline of self-discipline’, by maggie wooll, 24/2/22.
3. ‘How to be more disciplined. Six ways to master self-control,’ by Thomas frank. 4/11/2018.
4. Betterup.com ‘how (and why) to cultivate a positive mental attitude’, by Erin Eatough Ph.D. 8/11/2021.
5. strides: Goal tracker. Habit checklist and reminders. Kyle Richey CEO Srides.app.com.
Intro Music-Thrive By All Good Folks from Album Music Vine
Outro Music- Revelations by Richard Smithson from Uppbeat