Feel the News + Friends

News with a sense of humor and anarchy
Feel the News + Friends

Feel the News + Friends is a comedy newshour where stand up comedian and anarchist Marcela invites their friends to tell you how to feel about the news. feelthenews.substack.com

Episodes

  1. 06/08/2022

    Time is money

    Last time I got really high I recorded myself talking about how time is money because the capitalists have stolen our time from us. I’m sharing this segment of the recording with you even though I was really high and I sound absolutely unhinged. I just want you all to hear me out and I hope my writing clarifies what you just heard. What I mean by capitalists have stolen our time is that they have stolen the time that we would use to spend with each other, take care of each other, dance with each other, get high with each other, and they are forcing us to use that time to make them rich. They say the only way we are allowed to live is if we give them all our time because if we don’t, we will starve and die. It’s like a hostage situation, except this isn’t a movie, the hostages aren’t getting out alive, and Denzel Washington isn’t there to distract you with his hotness. They have stolen our time and then they sell it back to us with this thing called money. That’s why I say time is money over and over again on the recording. I know Marx and other people who are much smarter than this high Brooklyn comedian said that we sell our labor, but I look at it differently. Who are you going to believe Marx or me, a comedian with a blunt? Nonetheless, selling something would mean that we own it, but we actually don’t own our time; hence, we don’t own our labor. When we are born our time is owned by capitalists and the government enforces this by kicking us out of our homes if we don’t pay rent, arresting us if we steal food, and then telling us that they are here to help. Technically they are not lying, they are here to help. Just not to help us.   By forcing us to work for money for the things we need to live, capitalists are telling us that we have to buy time to live through our labor. That movie In Time, which I will confess is not the best of movies, really covers this well. That’s why my husband says, honey it’s a movie, at the end of the audio. I must warn you that Justin Timberlake is in the movie and I completely respect your decision not to watch after I revealed that. I’m not saying there was time that humans could just lay around and have grapes drop from the sky. I would love that world. Humans have always had to either grow their food or look for it. But growing your food and foraging is not a choice in this world where the government or private interests own every piece of land. Even if you wanted land, there is very little of a chance of most of us affording it because we are too busy paying ridiculous rent to live with 13 roommates and have to walk 5 blocks to clean our underwear. So, it’s either use your body to buy your time to live another day or die. I just realized that “live another day or die” sounds like a James Bond movie. What’s additionally upsetting about our time being stolen is that they don’t even hold their end of the deal up. Instead of giving us the “money” they owe us, they steal from us. Wage theft is a huge problem and all corporations do it. If you want to see the list of all the companies stealing and how much they are stealing, there is an Excel doc that you can download from this page. Of course, the people who stole our time are also going to steal our “money”. It’s like trying to make a deal with Mr. Burns. He will burn you. The question is, what are we going to do about it? If you enjoy my writing and videos and can afford to support my labor, please become a paying subscriber. All that money will go towards funding Feel the News things, like a Feel the News late night show If you like what you read, share it with your friends. If you hated it, share it with your enemies. You can use the nifty button below. P.S. I’ll be out of town this weekend so there won’t be a Sunday post. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit feelthenews.substack.com/subscribe

  2. 04/10/2022

    Your life only matters if you serve capitalism

    I’m taking a break from the weekly Feel the News newsletter to share with you my very high thought about what’s currently happening to unhoused people in NYC. Eric Adams, the mayor of NYC, has destroyed at least 300 houseless people’s  encampments. He has destroyed their community and thrown away their personal property. I initially recorded because I was too upset to write my actual thoughts so this is audio of my real actual thoughts without me censoring myself. I apologize for the lack of jokes in the audio. Turns out sometimes high me is not very funny. The thing is that even though I’m a stand up comedian, I’m not always funny. So sometimes you’ll have to hear things from me that are not funny and I hope you love me more from it. Below is a very close transcription of the audio. I was thinking about how they are sweeping the encampments and at the end of the day it’s about trying to hide a problem. Like trying to pretend this terrible system we live in allows people to die to maintain itself. Life doesn’t matter to this system. All that matters is that life serves the people who run this system. If your life does not serve the people who own this system. You are disposable. So those people out there, open to the elements without food, they are a constant reminder that if your life doesn't serve the system, it doesn’t matter, it’s trash. That's why they throw away their things. Because if you are trash then the things you own are less than trash. They are not worth having. They are disgusting because you had the audacity to believe that you deserve anything when you are not serving the system. You don’t even deserve a pen. You deserve nothing but to die, but we don’t want you to die in front of us. We need you to die somewhere out of our sight.  That’s it from me. Let me know whether you hated or loved this in the comments. If you like what you read, share it with your friends. If you hated it, share it with your enemies. You can use the nifty button below. If you enjoy my content and can afford to support my labor, please become a paying subscriber below or tip me. All the money you give me will go towards things that I find important. Including my new joke book. Imagine I’m writing in a new notebook paid for by you. You are literally supporting my joke writing. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit feelthenews.substack.com/subscribe

    1 min

About

Feel the News + Friends is a comedy newshour where stand up comedian and anarchist Marcela invites their friends to tell you how to feel about the news. feelthenews.substack.com

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