Finding Myself Through D*ckhead Dancing - with Neridah Waters

My guest today is choreographer and creator of Common People Dance Project and the Living Room Dance Party, Neridah Waters, pioneer of “bold, bright, daggy, funny and joyful” dancing!

Feeling lost

We discuss Neridah feeling lost in the first two years of being a mother. She had become jaded with her theatre work and was unsure of where her place was within the performing arts.

When she had her son, none of her good friends had children and were still touring shows, she was away from her family and her husband was working away a lot. She felt extremely lost, lonely and trapped. She struggled with the early stage of motherhood and had no idea how she could earn money or move forward. She felt jealous of the immersive passion her friends had. She’s a ‘natural extrovert and community-based human’ and missed the connection they were all still having.

Neridah suffered panic attacks in early motherhood and felt ‘magic’, with no sense of self, vividly imagining the angry judgement of others and knowing it felt mentally unhealthy.

She missed the playful, naughty person she used to be and didn’t know how she could marry that with being a mother.

Finding fulfilment

Working through her postpartum mental challenges was made possible due to the support of her mother-in-law and working with a psychologist. She also learned to delegate to her husband.

Finding her calling started with the Queensland Music Festival, choreographing in rural areas. She had done this before having a baby and she returned to in his second year. Working away for a week per month was liberating. She realized she could do it again, her brain still worked and she fed off the joy of the townspeople performers.

“It’s an incredibly powerful way for humans to connect.” 

The turning point was remembering the Rock Eisteddfod with its huge production values and themes, from back in high school. Neridah had been rejected from her school’s Eisteddfod as a teenager and felt so jealous “to this day I’m carrying the bitterness in my puff sleeves”. She put out the call to everyone - celebrating the rejects, everyday people and 80s and 90s music. It resonated with people immediately especially those in their 30s and 40s, many of them mums. Hilarity, community and connection ensued.

“Laughing yourself sick at 6.30pm...I feel like I’m at my cousin’s wedding at 3am.”

She knew to create a whole atmosphere. The half time oranges meant team. No one would be stretching their leg up the wall to intimidate a new person arriving. She put herself lower status and promoted body positivity, all ages, all abilities, wanting dance to be accessible.

Finding her gift to the world was just what she had done at the age of 5-8 with the neighbourhood kids, doing shows for drunk parents.

She found herself teaching playfulness to people with hugely responsible jobs and being filled up by their enjoyment of it.

Next steps: managing people and delegating. Stressing that punters may be dissatisfied. Growing faster than she can get systems in place for. At home logistics, being fizzy and being unproductive, headless chicken. 

Take-aways

• Connect to your body, passion, be who you really are. Doing what the 7 year old you used to love.

• Finding smidgens of time to be playful and put your responsibilities on the shelf for even an hour.

• Pay attention to balance. After teaching classes and dancing for three days per week, Neridah rests for the rest of the week, accesses physiotherapy, massage, yoga and stretching, protects introvert time with her family, turning down invitations if needed.

• Think about what you loved before kids, as a child, what makes you feel alive.

• Write frustrations down to be clear about what you want to explore. Neridah used The Artist’s Way technique of writing daily morn