For Better Or Best Podcast Charles and Shireen Kuykendoll

Barely-making-it Beloved is fresh off of a flight to join Shireen and their guest, occupational therapist, Shardia Washington. Her intro defines what her exact medical title means as they discuss the very touchy topic of children. Identifying developmental hurdles as a parent can be tough. Shireen shares that their second son Carter was a little delayed in his ability to stand and walk as a 1 year old, and being familiar with CJ's growth (he was slightly late and lazy), she knew that Carter would need the same if not more grace(1:52-5:05). Milestones are not definitive; Shardia explains that having an idea of where kids should be is fine, but the shame and guilt about something possibly being "wrong" shouldn't keep you from getting an assessment. She says that being a clinician, she can't help but always be transparent with parents, even friends who may be in denial about their situation. She says she can't turn it off, its her responsibility but always makes sure that she's not overstepping boundaries. Shireen asks if Shardia gets pushback from parents because she doesn't have children. Shardia makes it clear to parents that they know their child, no one knows and loves them like a mom, but the mom doesn't know disability or development, so she says its important to disarm the parents so it feels solution based (7:12-13:30). There's progress made in discomfort. Charles jokes that he's knock-kneed and Shireen is piegon toed so he cracks a joke about their kids having inherited their joint traits. Carter is now old enough to understand his intuition and senses when he's about to be pushed or challenged to work on his development. Charles describes Carter as being a little lazy and stubborn, that the older he gets the harder it is for him to adapt; fear shows up. Some days he's got the energy and some days he doesn't. Shardia says thats like us too, as adults. Nurturing a kids' capacity is just as important as our own. We have to recognize what we grew out of and get out of our feelings about where the kids are in comparison. So much of the Black community has been held together by the "family business stays in the house" idealogy, that help thats available goes ignored. You'd be shocked to find out how many people would assist if they knew you were in need(14:01-20:10). Shardia breaks down how small things get compounded if gone untreated with kids, and the problems can go from being medical to social. Carter is very social, Shireen sees how engaged he is at home with his brother. They point out how different their lives have become, from once having a baby who was immobile to having a child who runs around with curiosity. Shireen says the physical therapist sees Carter twice a week but she doesn't feel like its really working as well as it should, even with concentrated practice at home. Shardia looks for patient/clinician fit and results. She says sometimes you can have one without the other, and if progress isn't ongoing, its time to take a more aggressive approach and explore second and third opinions. And bear in mind that cost does not always equal quality when it comes to care(21:02-27:32). When you first start therapy, Shardia says she's assessing the barriers that are preventing the child from doing what they need to do. Throughout the intervention, Shardia knows what targets the kid needs to hit at every session. Every parent should also be able to keep track according to what the clinician provides. Shireen is an action oriented parent, and found another treatment center for Carter and had a new therapist do a home evaluation that felt much more productive. CJ makes a rare appearance! Shireen says that kids tell everybody your business at school, he's bragging about season 2 of the podcast!

Friends, how many of us have them?! This week the Kuykendolls are joined by good friends Jae Murphy (DJ, host, artist) and Alex Hill (chef, food blogger, content creator). The guests start off disucissing their HBCU experiences, Jae was at Howard for broadcast journalism and Alex went to Hampton for PR/marketing. Charles gushes about wanting his kids going to HBCUs, for all the perks of culture and networking. Jae pledged Kappa and learned how to DJ quietly while building a local name for himself. After getting asked to host the BET Music Matters showcase with Kendrick Lamar, he hit the gas and moved to LA to pursue a gig at Revolt. Shooters shoot! (1:19-15:19). The attention shifts to Alex, who shares that her mom taught her how to cook and her favorite hot sauces are Krystal's and Tapatio. The 'Just Add Hot Sauce' blog was perfectly on brand! Alex didn't know how to shoot/edit food content back then. She worked for Team Epiphany (Black owned media company) and after a tough love/life lesson moved from NY to LA. Overwhelmed by the high demand of the job, Alex decided to pivot. She saved $20k and launched her video series. It's not about who you know but who knows you! (19:18-28:10). Jae Murphy is a brand, not just a DJ anymore. He's a host, music artist and content creator. He explains that people stiill treat DJing like its not a real job, its a trendy hobby. Similarly to that, cooking on IG has become a widespread trend. Alex always wanted to start a cooking show, hence her long form series on YouTube, 'Hot Sauce At Home'. Tastemates found her and she realized someone had been quietly pitching her content for a show for a while. Both Jae and Alex go back and forth about the pains of dating. East coast men are the preference all across the board for Alex, whereas Jae prefers west coast women because he went to college with so many of them. Alex says its important to be intentional in dating, that whoever she considers has to be ok with the ups and downs of entrepreneurship. Jae working in nightlife works against him, people assume the public persona is all they are in real life. They all chat about Charles' ability to bring singles together by curating "tribal gatherings" for his many friend groups. Jae is content being single in this season, while Alex is not interested in the unserious, no more ignoring red flags, no more dating with potential, you gotta come potenched! (33:13-50:45). Alex has been trying her luck on Raya. She says she doesn't need a partner to be passionate about the same things as her, just be super supportive. Jae concurs that he needs someone that doesn't mind being his supporting act, and that Charles and Shireen give him hope, the way they love each other loudly (51:30-1:01:02).
Make sure to check out 'Spice Spice Baby' on Tastemates, listen to 'Angel' on Apple Music/Spotify, and follow @justaddhotsauce and @jaemurphy on IG

Blow-A-Bag Beloved is back with his wonderful queen Shireen, outfits matching, per usual. After exchanging pleasantries, compliments and big words, the two dive right in. People are pocket watching! Aesthetics and luxury are important, but working really hard to get a deal is too. Shireen spills the tea on the Palm Springs outlets and mentions that they Google the best prices for all the items she's looking for. Charles mentions his love of watches and wanting a Rolex, so the convo about shopping internationally begins(2:10-12:19). Charles explains VAT tax and how he doesn't shop in London unless there's an exclusive piece he can't get anywhere else. If there's ever something either of them wants, they try to wait for it to go on sale. Charles would rather spend more time finding deals than just blow the bread. They elaborate on perks like being Delta Airlines loyalists, and the travel perks that come from using their Amex cards. The Kuykendolls need an Amex brand partnership please! Shireen shares that the best usage of credit card points/rewards is for hotels and airfare. Charles travels much more frequently for work so whenever he gets a seat upgrade he'll troll Shireen while she sits in coach (think of yourself, queen!). Charles admits to being a crier during certain important moments (IE when he proposed to Shireen (14:02-28:12). When R&B HouseParty was acquired, it was the most money Charles had ever seen in one payout. Charles put money aside for the kids, wanted to buy something nice for Shireen and get an Audemars Piquet watch. While in Europe, they investigated purchasing his watch and found out you have to build a portfolio(similar to Birkin) before purchasing. Charles is loud luxury, not quiet. He doesn't want to spend the loud amount for subtlety! For all the things they buy, they also give things away, but resellers have ruined the donation process. There's a group on Facebook called BuyNothing and Shireen posts clothes and furniture in good condition. Charles describes his Rolex, and says its an investment and the VAT tax refund they got from Europe covered their family vacay. If you're a big international traveler, Shireen recommends global entry for the entire family for the sake of convenience, they reference the mobile passport app. Window shopper Beloved claims to still be looking out for sales and deals. Don't feel pressured or rushed to spend money or go into debt, make sound choices for yourself. Charles says if you have issues with sizing, international order/pickup is a stress free process as well. Happy shopping!(32:01-44:39)

The Kuykendolls are back for a solo episode this week, after several deep chats with friends! It felt like a good time to share some personal health changes that both Charles and Shireen had been experiencing. Charles makes it a point to declare he is politically correct Beloved and doesn't speak on womens' bodies, but says that seeing Shireen pregnant, he thought she was the most beautiful. Shireen has lost a considerable amount of weight. Shireen shares that she gained quite a bit during her most recent pregnancy and the post-baby weight was stubborn, especially in her mid-section and she couldn't fit anything in her closet. Despite eating salads and walking every day, she needed a little extra help. Enter WeGovy! *this is NOT an ad* (0:23-7:32). Shireen breaks down how the medicine is rationed; that its a lifelong medication. After traveling over the summer, Shireen returned home to find it wasn't as easy to get her hands on the medication. Shireen says its harder for some than others to lose weight, so she doesn't feel any kind of way about eing judged. She said she'll never be a grilled chicken girlie! Weight loss looks different for everybody (7:49-12:52). Charles asks about side effects; Shireen mentions nausea, drinking alcohol, eating processed foods, and that some people had to force themselves to eat. She said the meds have changed how she chemically thinks about food now. She no longer craves certain foods, she eats mechanically to be satiated. Shireen has lost 35 pounds in 7mo, she said she hadn't been that size since before their wedding. Charles notes how beautiful its been to see her regain her confidence. She says she wanted to share everything because social media doesn't give you the details and she wanted to disclose her experience honestly (14:12-23:42). Ironically, Charles had his own run in with BelovedGovy shortly after. The undertaking of new projects was stressful, Charles complained of neck pain and Shireen insisted he go to the doctor. His blood pressure was concerning, so they had him go to the ER against his wishes. He couldn't calm down, so the number kept going up. They kept him overnight, due to being close to heartattack. After seeing all the specialists, they deemed him pre-diabetic and he was prescribed Ozempic. He became a believer in the magic after losing 11lbs. Both Charles and Shireen have changed their perspectives on food and prioritize health and feeling good, now. Shireen feels like herself again and Charles is taking better care overall!

This week, Charles and Shireen are joined by content creator/researcher/entrepreneur Taiwo Ade and award-winning producer and journalist Krystal Franklin. Charles starts off professing his love for Instagram, citing that its his favorite social media platform. He talks about connecting with both guests via mutual friends that introfuced them to connect at AfroTech. Charles emphasizes how much of a good networking tool IG has become, remembering how exciting it was to talk to new friends on Black Planet and MySpace. He explains how nowadays IG likes/supportive comments are his way of connecting when life make its tough to see some of his close friends as often as he'd like. He references a few "friends" that acknowledged seeing the posts of his family trip to Paris and not hitting the like button. He takes offense because he deems himself a serial "liker". Shireen's toxic IG trait is that she scrolls and consumes but doesn't necessarily hit like (0:29-10:26). Shireen retorts that she's been the same since her party promoter days in college, she wouldn't even like the flyer post. Krystal says her toxic IG trait is that she engages with posts that are aesthetically pleasing. Taiwo says she only follows accounts that enrich her in some way; that she looks for inspiration from the content, whether its travel or food, etc. Krystal says she sometimes questions whats real vs fake because as a single woman, plenty of folks only reach out to her to turn up and party; her accomplishments look different than some of her friends(11:04-18:53). There are some people who are just haters! The group discusses what the algorithm dictates (strangers are more reactive than people you know) and point out that comparison is the thief of joy. No one actually knows the truth outside of what friends post on social media unless they talk about it. Charles says he's taking a King Solomon approach to it, now. Taking courtesy to the next level, if someone shows him they care; and disengaging if it appears they do not. We're living in the matrix! Everyone is a villain in somemone's story (19:09-29:32). They continue to touch on unfollowing/blocking etiquette, sometimes it requires a conversation, sometimes not. The ladies list the top 5 expectations of real friends on IG and in real life. At the end of the day, if someone is your real close friend or someone you genuinely care about, it costs nothing to Like or Comment (31:37-43:41).

Shireen and "Bespoke Beloved" kick off the episode recalling what it felt like receiving the news that Charles was being laid off and the friendship assessments that took place. He explains that 90% of his close friends were there to support him in new endeavors but that 10% that he felt he had invested so much into, didn't show up as he'd expected. Reciprocity was different. Joined by their good friend and psychotherapist Brittany Richardson, the couple asks what factors cause 10+ year friendships to fall apart. Brittany reminds them that social media plays a different role in your 20's vs your 30's. Career goals and lifestyle choices like marriage/partnership and children have major impacts on friendships (2:12-10:40). Charles claims to be very introspective, reflecting on where he might've fallen short or dropped the ball in friendships. Shireen points out the intentionality of friends who also have very busy lives and the value of communcating their needs directly. How do we meet our friends where they're at? Charles asks if there's room for friendship therapy and Brittany says its possible to work on it as long as there is a common goal. Shireen believes it different from marriage, brings in financial ties, children etc. The investment and attachment is different. Eventhough you're being asked to change in a friendship, family/kids/business may be prioritized over friends(10:50-18:02). Brittany explains that opting in/out feels finite in partnership but the unspoken rule is that friendship is supposed to withstand all things. Maybe friendship doesn't look the same anymore but sitting in the feeling of change is harder than just abandoning the connection. How do we give people grace, knowing its not me, its them? Boundaries has become an overused buzzword, but they're still important. Charles wishes he was more mature and more healed. He says he matches energy; if you fall back, he falls back and goes where he's celebrated. Boundaries are the cliff, and then there's a preference, which is less tit for tat and more about case by case situation. What are the signals that its time to let the friendship go? Brittany says, share how you're feeling and express what a solution would look like for you; give it a fair shot. If they're not reciprocating or flat out disregard it, leave it where it is. Decide how much you can take(19:12-28:02). Top 3 things to make friendships last: listening/communication, mutual respect, loyalty/love. To live a long and healthy life, you need community. That means sharing joy and sorrows. Some friends only share joy when they feel inadequate. Brittany emphasizes that we are everyone's best judge and our own best attorney. Pay it forward in love and don't treat the rainy days with so much shame. There are people rooting for you! 
If you'd like to connect with guest therapist Brittany Richardson please follow @venttherapy on IG and visit venttherapy.com