How Michelle Dowd survived a cult: A story of endurance and rebirth

In this compelling episode of the Hear's How podcast, host Erin Jensen interviews Michelle Dowd, who shares her harrowing experience growing up in a religious, apocalyptic cult in the Angeles National Forest. Michelle details her isolated upbringing during which she learned how to rely on nature to survive the looming end of days. Once she was ex-communicated at 17 for defying cult rules, she applied those same skills to building an entirely new life. 

“That whole thing about being lost is kind of central, not only to the book, but to any of us in survival situations where there's the physical need for survival,” Michelle says. “Like, where you could actually die from starvation or whatever, but then there's also times in life where you feel like you're going to die because you don't know what to do. You feel so paralyzed emotionally. I think it's very similar. 

“Stop, stop moving,” she continues. “Stay still. Get quiet. Notice what's around you. The thing you do with survival is try not to let the anxiety lead you, but instead bring yourself down to stillness and find what is your next right move.”

Michelle is now a college professor and author of a memoir that chronicles her childhood,  “Forager: Field Notes for Surviving a Family Cult.” Tune in to be inspired by Michelle's resilience and transformation.

In this episode:

02:48 Origins of the cult founded by Michelle’s grandfather

3:39 Michelle’s relationship with her abusive, neglectful parents: “My parents didn’t say, ‘I love you.' They didn’t raise us to need that.”

4:45 Daily life inside the organization: “Happiness was absolutely not allowed”

5:42 Unwritten rules: no dancing, movies, or touching the opposite sex: “You had to obey the leader, at all costs, at all times.”

07:34 Michelle faces health challenges 

8:50 Michelle is ex-communicated from the cult for seeing an R-rated movie with a young man

13:03 The hardest part: “Not trusting yourself … and ultimately having no connection to self”

14:36 How Michelle rebuilt her life 

17:10 Her advice for overcoming challenges: “Stop panicking. Don't let fear set in to the degree that it paralyzes you.”

More:

For more on Michelle’s story, read her book, "Forager," follow her on Substack and Instagram.

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