As a bit of context for this rather incredible tale I’m about to share, I’m a long suffering Sacramento Kings fan. To make matters worse, I’m from NY so I don’t even have the excuse of geographic fate.
So last spring, just a day or two after the Kings dropped to the 7th position in the NBA draft, I was walking home late at night texting with a few friends in my NBA group chat who were enjoying trying to convince me to choose a new team to root for, and I realized I had missed the turn and I was on a street that I had never seen before.
I probably should have just turned around and retraced my steps but I’m stubborn and once I’ve started down a path I don’t just turn back, as you can tell by my continued Kings fandom. Instead I figured I could just keep going and take the next left and maybe it would be a short cut. But as I kept walking, and it kept getting darker, there were no roads going that direction. Just right after right after right. Until eventually I got to this old rundown looking house. And if that wasn’t spooky enough, the front door would slam open and then closed like a huge wind was almost ripping it off its hinges…except there wasn’t even a breeze.
It turns out I’m not only stubborn but also kind of dumb because I walked up the long flight of crumbling steps, knocked loudly, and then peeked my head inside the door. Much to my surprise, there was a lamp on the ground. Not the type that you screw light bulb into but the type that you rub. So, what did I do? I rubbed it. And suddenly all this smoke was pouring out of the spout and I was surrounded by black noxious fumes. Then quick as the smoke arrived it was gone, and all that was left was a lingering smell of sulfur and a genie standing in front of me! To be honest, that genie was kind of a cliche since he told me the whole thank you for releasing me blah blah blah, you get 3 wishes. I didn’t fully believe him + my group chat had clearly gotten to me so for my first wish I said, we’ve traded away so many talented young point guards, I want the Kings to draft a dynamic player that is fun to watch, can score, and can setup his teammates. For my second wish, I was dreaming of the Webber glory days, and said I want the Kings to trade for a big who can dribble and pass and will revive their career in Sacramento. And for my 3rd and final wish I said, you know the Slam N’ Jam podcast? It is so good that one time a week isn’t enough! I wish that Alex and Andrew shared their charisma, charm, and insights twice a week!
Over the next few weeks I managed to convince myself it was just a dream. But I did start to believe when Darius Acuff Jr. was drafted…even if his summer league wasn’t necessarily the best. Then Ben Simmons arrived in Sacramento and I had to say, while he isn’t Chris Webber, he is a #1 draft pick who can pass and dribble! But still, no way that a genie granted me three wishes right?
Then I heard the news…Alex Speers is a full-time hire at the Athletic and Slam N’ Jam is coming to Tuesdays!
5 stars.
