Crappy Castles Crappy Castles

Love is in the air! The damp, stinky, moldy air. Adron and Travis open the ex-files to educate you, the listener, on how to attract, keep, and potentially slay a mate with LOVE LANGUAGES. Plus: kissin' in kobold, literal love bombing, and Frico the Cheese Angel. You're welcome, Stephanies.

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RE: RE: Date Your Boss!

Have you ever wanted to rise up the corporate ladder the fast way? Introducing Mandatory Speed Dating Mondays! Mr. Royals will be vetting all potential candidates, single, poly, or immoral, with a series of prodding questions and prodding... prods. The event is BYOCasserole so bake accordingly!

Kisses,
R&R HR

Happy nautical new year, nerds! This one has Adron, Travis, and Ian sailing the seven sleepy seas to create an adventure that can help some old fogeys stay awake. (Fogies? Fogerties?) Plus: rabid sleepytime bears! Plant clones! Weak shanty attempts! Wow!

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RE: RE: New Year, New You Clippings

To all Royals and Royals employees: we see that you are trying to clip your plant clone to create additional clones, and ergo i.e. e.g an entire plant clone army of yourself. Well let it be known that any attempts to unionize these plant clone armies will be squashed immediately. Squashed! Gardening joke!

Dictated but not read,
Travis Royals

🎄 Sweet silver bells, it's Ian and Travis! 🎄 And they're building a festive edutainment adventure that teaches the storied (and controversial) history of your Yuliday tree. So listen up, because there is a quiz afterwards, and it IS mandatory! Plus: attack of the Wintaur! Saint Steve sucks! And Travis spilled soda on his hat!

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RE: RE: [AUTOMATED YULIDAYS MESSAGE]

Hello and thank you for your message! The Royals and Royals HR team will be out of office from the 22nd of Deepwinter until such time as our department has funding again.

If you require immediate assistance, please reach out to Mr. Royals at iluvbutts247@mindspring.com.

Huzzah and merry Yulidays!
R&R HR

Ooh baby, this one is a doozy! Ian's out because he had a baby, so Adron and Travis are coming up with baddies to toughen the little sucker up! Personally I'm scared of the pigglies who are going around haunting toes... Plus: three Miatas! Ye olde Best Western smoking policies! And baby eldritch blasts!

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RE: RE: To all parents of Royals and Royals—

You are invited to a wonderful night of BLOPPI ON ICE! Watch in amazement as Bloppi explains dinosaurs while pirouetting across the logo of your local minor league hockey team! Buy a piece of plastic that lights up and makes a lot of noise and bring it into your home! Be haunted by the strange sensation of being surrounded by a stadium full of babies and plan your escape route! And the best part is: it's free!

Note: Royals and Royals is not responsible for any babies, possessed, lost, or otherwise incapacitated.

Hail Bloppi,
R&R HR

HAPPY SHANKS, Y'ALL! Ian and Travis talk the best ways to turkey proof your home from the Shanksgiving serial murderer aarakocra Jack the Flapper. Plus: Ian's pregnant! Travis learns about half baths! Turkey wieners!

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Dear underlings,

Apparently I have upset Jack the Flapper with the most recent podcast and he is taking extra special interest in our employees. Mind your most stabbable bits—and Happy Holidays!

Ok bye,
Travis Royals

OH MY GOURD. Travis and Ian nestle in to share cider recipes and the best way to stay cozy while adventuring and covered in pumpkin guts. Or demon guts. Either way, its natural and so we support it.

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To all Royals and Royals team-members—

The employee refrigerator in the break room is there for you all to use, but we have to establish a few rules. Please add your name to your food so when Travis steals food from it, he will know who has good stuff. Also please label whether or not it includes GMO fruits, vegetables, etc. GMO stands for Guidanced Magical Organism. I know it will give you a extra d4 to get your work done, but some people prefer to not consume them
Thank you for your cooperation.
— R&R Humanoid Resources