Inspire Kids to Empathize

How do we inspire our kids to empathize when, on the surface, they act like they don’t care? Is it a defense mechanism, an indicator, or something more? In this podcast, we explore ideas and tips that work.

Inspire Kids to Empathize ~ Episode 537

This is the fifth episode in our Inspire Kids Series! Thanks for listening, and I pray they have been a blessing to you and your family. Sometimes, it is hard to discern what our kids think. In fact, we may be puzzled by their actions because we know they can do so much better. I recently came across a post on Facebook that caused me to pause, not only because of all of the responses but because of the answers given by well-meaning parents. The answer was glaring and evident, but I am a mother of five, now adults, and a grandmother of nine. I have a background in education and love to interact with children because they are amazing. I love kids. I knew the answer (or what I think is the answer), but I read through response after response, giving advice on fixing the problem.

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The question was couched in this way: A mother found a ketchup bottle on the ground, the top popped up, and the ketchup dripped out in a pool. One of the children had done this, but none admitted guilt. None of the other siblings had picked up the bottle. She asked what the “heart issue” was in a child who had done this in the first place. Think about your answer. Pause this recording if you want more time.

The answers were a variation of the following:

1. Punish the children with no more ketchup for a time.
2. Punish the children by taking something away (something fun).
3. Make the kids pay for the ketchup.
4. Find out who did it and punish that child.
5. Make the kids clean up for a period of time.

Teaching Kids To Empathize and Realize Guilt

There are many issues here. Obviously, the kids ate and cleaned up (good job!), but it was without Mom around, or perhaps Mom was starting to put away food in the other room. We, as parents, can’t police our kids every second, and taking responsibility for cleaning up is great. So good job, Mom!

Secondly, maybe someone saw this incident and did nothing about it, but ultimately, the fault is on the child who dropped the ketchup trying to carry too many things at once.

I was thinking about this and how I would answer the question (I didn’t post a response, in case you are wondering). While punishments, cleaning up, and all of those things are possible options, they didn’t address what the mom asked. She asked about the heart and wisely knew that punishments solve part of the problem. Maybe.

I considered many different character flaws, but two that stuck out were gratitude and empathy. The lack of gratitude is stunning, and the lack of empathy is equally stunning.

• Gratitude: gratitude for the family’s providing for the needs of all and recognizing this as a gift.
• Empathy: a sense of feeling compassion for the family members and helping each other when needed, but appreciating that while it may or may not be our fault, we can help because that is what we should do.
• Empathy means caring about another person, in this case, Mom and Dad, who purchased the ketchup.

Thanks to NOW Programs, this evidence-based program helps students learn differences.

So, how do you resolve the issue of a child’s lack of empathy? Can you make someone empathize? The issue can be resolved in as varied a way as the responses on that social media post! However, the crux of the issue is understanding family dynamics and how they work.

In our homes, we assume everyone is on the same page and has the same leve