Interpersonal Effectiveness for BPD, Pt. 2: How to Ask For What You Need

Quiet, Not Silent: Recovering with BPD

In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), the fourth and final module - known as Interpersonal Effectiveness - teaches you skills to communicate effectively, set boundaries, and maintain relationships while achieving your personal goals. If you'd like to take this exact course, here's a 25% discount code you can use for your deposit - just cause you listen to my pod. (QUIETBPD25)

This week, TheraHive’s Interpersonal Effectiveness course is gonna teach me about the DEARMAN skill, which is one of my personal favourite skills. I’m REALLY excited to share my experiences with this part of the course.

DEARMAN is an acronym that stands for Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, and Negotiate.

This one you typically use when you have an objective that you need to be effective with: asking for something; saying no; finding solutions; and making sure the way we’re expressing these things are taken seriously and are constructive, rather than destructive.

In this episode, I’ll go over my reflections on Week 2 of the course, including:

  • How to be assertive and ask for what you need - with the DEARMAN skill
  • What does it mean to be assertive, vs demanding?
  • Why is DEARMAN especially helpful for recovering people pleasers?
  • What if the other person is being difficult, despite us being effective?
  • THE FIRST TIME I ever used DEARMAN - with a very difficult roommate and her boyfriend

Thank you to Roland, Alicia, Jesse, and the TheraHive team for collaborating with me and allowing me to try out this course!

TYSM to my wonderful patrons:

Christian • Steph • Winter Peach • Ashley Marie • Tom • Kristen • Mimi • Bjorn • Pluto • Elleot

Your support helps me to keep going. <3

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TheraHive: DBT Skills Group, Course Info

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Blog Post: Dr. Jesse Finkelstein Joins 'Quiet, Not Silent' podcast to Share Insights on DBT

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