Is the Evangelical Church Guilty of Marriage Idolatry?

The Flâneur and the Philosopher

In the context of secular, individualist culture, the American evangelical church has put a premium on marriage. Yet critics from within and without evangelicalism have accused Christians of treating marriage and the nuclear family in idolatrous ways.

Our guests this week, David Frank and TJ Espinoza, argue that the church has neglected forms of kinship beyond marriage and the nuclear family - which is particularly damaging to same-sex attracted Christians, like themselves. David and TJ are the co-hosts of the podcast “New Kinship” where they discuss life as celibate, gay Christians and the possibilities of kinship, community, and belonging that remain for them.

King Laugh and I are straight Christians, both married with children. However, we have witnessed kinds of marriage and family idolatry that affect us as well. Nuclear families are often separated from their extended families. Marriage and family are often taken to be a fix-all, rather than one of several crosses to bear. The marriage relationship is often assumed to bear too much weight, one’s spouse one’s only friend.

Together, we discuss ways that the church could support married and unmarried people alike by expanding its vision of community beyond marriage and nuclear families. Enjoy!

Listen to the podcast The Flâneur and the Philosopher on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or watch on YouTube.

Aaron M. Renn wrote in a 2018 newsletter, “Marriage is normative for Christians and the vast majority of Christians are not called or suited for a celibate life.” Aaron has mounted a cogent critique of talk of marriage and family idolatry. Churches can often call things “idolatry” that are just natural human desires, and significant ones. See his article on “Christian buddhism.”

Aaron’s critique was in the back of my head as we had this conversation. I’ve come to think that there is truth on both of these sides, and truths that are needed in particular contexts. In the urban church, a reminder to prioritize marriage rather than individualism and career is quite important.

Yet in our prioritization of marriage, we must not give in to the modern “romantic” view of marriage that ignores the possibility of intimate friendship, the need of extended family, and the possibilities of kinship outside of family. We must not whitewash the experience of bearing and raising kids; both celibacy and marriage are callings and crosses.

Links

New Kinship: Substack | YouTube | Apple Podcasts | Spotify

David and TJ Interview Me! “Weigh and Consider the World: Joel Carini on Nature, Truth, and Side B”

The Four Sides, A, B, Y, X: Four Christian Views of Sexuality

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