It's Not Your Job's Job to Make You Happy

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Some of my coaching friends and I call it “shoulding” all over yourself. Thinking that things “should” be a certain way.

In other words, we argue with reality – and you can never win that argument.

How does “shoulding” apply to your job? You might believe:

-My job SHOULD pay XXX.

-I SHOULD have more ___ in my job.

-I SHOULD have gotten a promotion and pay raise by now.

-I SHOULD have a better boss/coworkers.

-I SHOULD be more recognized for my contributions.

You get the idea.

Here’s the problem with “shoulding:” you are operating from a place that guarantees frustration, anger, helplessness…whatever the emotion, they are all negative.

Even “shoulds” that sound innocuous can bring about the wrong emotions:

-I SHOULD do a better job.

-I SHOULD like my job better.

-I SHOULD be more like ___(coworker).

-I SHOULD know how to do X.

Again – you get the idea.

How does “shoulding” play into this week’s topic of “It’s Not Your Job’s Job to Make You Happy?”

For one thing, the title indicates that you might think your job SHOULD provide you with happiness. Let’s talk about that.

Where is it written that your job should make you happy? Of course, we can talk about what we would prefer in a job or work environment, but really – what SHOULD our job do?

-Provide some form of compensation in return for some type and level of work.

-Provide you a safe work environment. (all that implies)

-For most full-time employees in the U.S., provide you with health insurance.

And that’s about it. And we all probably know of people that didn’t even receive those things.

So, really what I am saying here is to manage your expectations about what your job is supposed to do for you. For one thing, this puts you in a passive position with little to no control over your own happiness.

Here are seven specific suggestions for managing your expectations about your job, your employer, your boss, or your coworkers.

#1 – Manage your thoughts.

What are you thinking about your job? Your boss? That co-worker?

We know that our thoughts lead to how we feel. If we are thinking negative thoughts, we might feel sad, frustrated, hopeless…none of which serves us.

Start with awareness of the thoughts when they come up, then gently replace them with something less negative.

For example, “I hate this job!” can become “I like that I get to work from home.” Find something better to focus on.

#2 – Avoid comparisons.

If your friend or significant other loves, loves, loves their job…that has no bearing on your job and your experience. You may know of others at your company that love their jobs – no relevance to you. This kind of comparison does not serve you.

#3 – Stay proactive.

When you find yourself lamenting about a project you’ve been put on, a co-worker you have to partner with, or feedback you’ve gotten from your boss…what can you do to improve the situation? How can you contribute to the project in a way that feels good to you, how can you have a more positive experience with that co-worker, how can you make improvements based on the feedback from your boss?

Take positive action – you’ll feel better.

#4 – Deliver excellence regardless.

I encourage you to have this goal: That you can look yourself in the mirror at the end of each day and know you did your absolute best. Not to make your boss or someone else happy, but because of how it makes YOU feel.

Your absolute best isn’t a constant either – so