Lair Torrent (Author of The Practice Of Love) On How To Stop Arguing For Your Good Intentions

Is your relationship stuck in the loop of defensiveness? What part do you play in the spiral?

Lair Torrent is a psychotherapist, executive consultant, and relationship expert who wants you to grow up and own it. And that makes sense because a therapist married to a psycho-spiritual counselor for over 23 years probably wouldn’t get away with anything less in his own relationship, nor would he hope to.

In the midst of a successful acting career Lair says he had a moment of clarity on the set of Law & Order between takes, and knew he was meant to do something else. Today Lair applies his philosophy of personal accountability across romantic relationships as well as the workplace, consulting to companies and working closely with couples and organizations. Lair Torrent’s first book, 'The Practice of Love,' focuses on the five principles for relating.

On this week's podcast we are talking about reactiveness, autopilot, and the ways we destroy safety in our relationships. We look at the damage that is done when we argue for our good intentions, rather than for common ground, and Lair explains why he hates 'I' statements, why he believes there’s no such thing as a communication problem, and why he has no issue with people walking out of his office, if they’re not willing to own their own behavior. Because to hear him tell it, without accountability there can be no relationship.

So think about that the next time you’re caught in the loop of defensiveness with your sweetie. What does that pattern of descent really say about them? And what does it say about you?

For more on Lair: https://www.lairtorrent.com/

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