Regina V. Cates is an author, adviser, activist, and creator of Romancing Your Soul. Based on her first book, Lead with Your Heart, Creating a Life of Love, Compassion, and Purpose, this podcast provides real-life solutions, inspiration, and practical information to help make your relationships better, your communication clearer, and your personal boundaries stronger.
Love is Not Blind, Love Has Excellent Vision
Most likely you are familiar with the phrase, “love is blind.” This expression is first found in Chaucer's The Merchant's Tale, written between 1387 and 1400. The phrase did not come into common usage until William Shakespeare’s tragedy Romeo and Juliet, in the scene where Benvolio says to Mercutio, “Blind is his love, and best befits the dark.” Mercutio responds that if love is blind, then it is not real love. In this episode, I ask us to think about why real love is not blind.
Love is caring and affection displayed as the positive behaviors of our integrity in action; The truth is, our integrity cannot and should not withstand all things; While all relationships have challenges, affection expressed positively, as our soul’s integrity, does not tolerate the dishonest or abusive actions of other people; and No matter if someone is a family member or a close friend, we do not have to hang in there, allowing them to dump their anger, self-centeredness, and emotional unconsciousness onto us.
Love Listens to Understand
Okay, I imagine you’re saying to yourself, “Hey, this lasagna lady is nuts.” I get it since close encounters of the third kind are highly suspect. Unless of course, you are discussing the matter with Giorgio A. Tsoukalos or Erich von Däniken. But, if you’re not a fan of Ancient Aliens or have not read Chariots of the Gods, my experience will seem odd. You’d certainly have doubts if the only aliens you’ve encountered are in movies or on TV. If you only know the Klingons, Romulans, Vulcans, or Borg of Star Trek fame maybe you would think I’m a six-pack short of a case.
You can imagine how surreal and strange it must be to grow up with a secret you are not able to share with anyone for fear of being labeled crazy. Finding others who share the same experience is comforting because you can’t be crazy when someone, anyone, steps up and says, “Hey, that also happened to me.” Each experience you and I have in life is a unique opportunity to grow our sympathy, empathy, and compassion for others.
Practice Makes us Proficient! Which Takes the Perfection Pressure Off.
Do you like lasagna? I do, very much. Honestly and with all modesty I can say my lasagna is to die for. I don’t mean my lasagna will literally kill you. Heavens NO! The expression “it’s to die for” means something is fantastic, incredible, magnificent, and in the case of food over the top delicious. And my lasagna should be first-rate, an award-winning stack of deliciousness because I’ve spent the past 45 years mastering the recipe.
We don’t get good at anything – cooking, relationships, a job, patience – without practice. If we want to be really good at something we must get really good at practicing that something. Practice will make us proficient, not perfect. Takes a lot of stress off, doesn’t it?
Your Life Mission – BE Happy
Life is filled with so much joy, satisfaction and inspiration. No matter what challenges you face you are in control of how to best deal with the ups and downs of your relationships, career and health. The goal is not to have a perfect life. The goal is to create a happy life, no matter what.
You can get through any challenge by focusing on the positive. Happy is an attitude to see the blessings in every situation. A focus on joy brings everything into its proper perspective.
When Self-first is Not Selfish
You are an individual. So am I. As individuals it is only possible for us to be one half of the relationship we have with each other. Our goal in the relationship we have with each other is to be our best half. On the other hand, in the relationship we have with ourselves, you and I are the entire relationship. Our goal in the relationship we have with ourselves is to be whole by loving ourselves first, so we know how to love each other well.
Contrary to what we have been told by religion, society or our parents, it is not selfish to love ourselves first. Unless we care for ourselves by honoring our needs, goals and desires we cannot genuinely support others in honoring their needs, goals and desires. Only by filling ourselves up first do we have it within to give to others without resentment or feeling used and abused; neither of which are loving behaviors.
Your Love is Strong, But …
If I had a magic wand I’d touch it to the hearts of those who hurt others and yet claim to love. If I had a magic wand I’d touch it to the hearts of those who allow themselves to be hurt by others and yet claim they are loved. One of the biggest misconceptions we have about relationships is that we have the power to change another person. If we’re just more understanding, patient, loving, open, scream louder, say it in a different way, etc., then he or she will wake up and get it. If it were that easy I would wave my magic wand and the world would transform overnight.
Consistent behavior, not words is proof of who someone is. Relationships become unfulfilled when we hold onto a fantasy of what we want someone to be rather than accepting the truth of who their behavior is telling us they are. The only love strong enough to end negative, abusive behavior, is self-love, for un
I love listening to Regina – she is so down to earth and vulnerable in what she shares. And spot on with her suggestions on how to live a happier life and come from a place of love.
Thank you Regina for sharing your life so openly with all of us and encouraging us to be ourselves and not care what others think. Beautiful!!
Life changing lessons~
Regina is the most loving person. She is here to help people just like us to become better humans! Her tools really work. She makes it clear and simple. I live by all of these podcasts.
She has helped me tremendously! I will always be grateful for these life lessons~