Life after Divorce - Part 3

FORGIVING MYSELF AND OTHERS

Good day, My name is Gerda Snyman and I am talking about life after divorce. Last time I talked about putting my focus on God and trusting Him to work everything out for the good.

Today I will talk about forgiveness. One of the most difficult things to do, especially if you are trying to do that on your own. It was only when I put my focus on God, that I could start the process of forgiving. I had to forgive myself for breaking God’s law and making so many mistakes. I didn’t like the person that I became. Then I had to forgive my husband for his part and also some friends that didn’t support me through this difficult time. I wrote them all letters where I could pour out my heart and emotions – I didn’t send them of course, but I could exactly say what I felt. I talked to God about what I wrote – He already knew.

It was only when I put my focus on God, that I could start the process of forgiving. I had to forgive myself for breaking God’s law and making so many mistakes. I didn’t like the person that I became.

I was reminded of the parable in Matthew 18 where the forgiven servant threw his debtor in prison. It helped me to see things in perspective and to forgive as I am forgiven. Most of the time I struggled to pray, so I just read the letters to God and told Him, that is how I feel. Other times I read through the Psalms and prayed them back to God asking Him to help me overcome my sadness, emptiness, loneliness and to honestly forgive. He was faithful and helped me. I could forgive and the healing could start.

I realised that forgiveness is not a once off event but a process of willingness to let go and be free. To not hold on to grievances or fall into self-pity. Forgiveness is not instantaneous but takes courage and perseverance in faith and trust that God will lead us through. Now after more than ten years, I sometimes get angry and have to forgive again. By God’s grace and help I am able to forgive and live a full life again.

Next time I will talk about how to live a full life again as a single person.