LoveWork: Skills for a Relational Life

Jerry Sander, LCSW & Kristy Gaisford, LCSW
  • 4.7 (23)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED BIWEEKLY
LoveWork: Skills for a Relational Life

Join therapists Jerry Sander & Kristy Gaisford as we look at both the hard truths, and joys, that accompany intimate relationships. Our perspective is personal, practical and based on experience: we've both been married, divorced, and married again after finding great partners for our second marriages. (Both of us had four children apiece in our first marriages; Kristy has four step-children in her second one). Both of us maintain relationally-focused private therapy practices, focusing on couples and individuals. ) We are both certified in Terry Real's Relational Life Therapy and are regular, authorized presenters of the weekend Relationship Boot Camp. We also offer a weekend workshop for those who are starting their lives again after the life-altering relational reset of divorce. 

  1. APR 19

    Controlling Your Partner

    Send us a text Jerry & Kristy consider the ebbs and flow of attempted control of the other person within a relationship. What does it get you? What's so wrong about it, anyway? An epic fight about the way the other person loads the dishwasher is featured in the second half, as well as a better-way-forward illustrated.

    40 min

  2. MAR 28

    When You're Both Avoidant

    Send us a text So what happens when BOTH of you have patterns of avoiding conflict and want to keep the peace at all costs, even if it means staying with an unhappy status quo? Jerry & Kristy consider this (a listener-suggested topic) in light of the rewards that can come from decidedly "rocking the boat."

    32 min

  3. MAR 8

    Seek First to Understand

    Send us a text Identifying your feelings and then talking about them isn't enough. There is another person present in the relationship and reaching to understand THEM is the very challenge that we have to master in order for any progress to take hold. Kristy and Jerry consider how the search for understanding of "the other" usually presents itself -- either in its presence or its absence and show you how this often breaks out in fights. Alternatives are identified and practiced.

    42 min

  4. FEB 15

    That Third Day of Vacation Fight

    Send us a text You finally both get to the vacation destination of your dreams -- something you've been saving for the rest of the year and it seems just great. Until the third day, when you have That Big Fight. Why is this such a recognizable thing to most couples? What explains it?  And what could help things be better?

    35 min

  5. JAN 24

    The Space Between Our Two Realities

    Send us a text Sometimes it is hard to believe we are on the same planet, witnessing the same things as our partner but ending up with very different perspectives. Kristy and Jerry consider the "space between" and consider how best to handle differences about "Reality" when it comes to life in the here-and-now with a partner.

    34 min

  6. JAN 8

    New Beginnings With the Same (Old) Partner?

    Send us a text Is it possible? How can this be done? And what are the rewards? Jerry and Kristy consider the rewards and roadblocks to blazing new paths of discovery and adventure with your current partner.

    31 min

  7. 11/17/2024

    The Long Ride Home After Couples Therapy

    Send us a text Triumphing over technical difficulties for today's episode, Kristy and Jerry talk about that long ride home after couples' sessions. Variations on it are proposed, along with a reaffirmation of the purpose of couples' therapy. Hints are dropped about a 2026 event.

    26 min

  8. 10/11/2024

    When the Adaptive Child Insists on Prevailing

    Send us a text In this conversation, Kristy and Jerry explore the concept of the 'adaptive child'—the immature part of ourselves that can dominate our reactions during conflicts. They discuss how to navigate situations when one partner is stuck in this state for an extended period, emphasizing the importance of self-care, compassion, and understanding. The dialogue highlights the significance of timing, safety, and the role of personal energy in communication. They also address the anxiety that can arise in relationships and the necessity of being able to choose to stay in a relationship without desperation. Ultimately, they provide insights on how to approach conflicts with curiosity and connection, while also recognizing when it may be necessary to step away for one's own well-being. In this conversation, Jerry and Kristy explore the concept of the 'adaptive child' and how it manifests in relationships. They discuss the importance of emotional awareness, recognizing when one is in a defensive state, and the nature of disagreements. The dialogue emphasizes the need for empathy, self-reflection, and effective communication to navigate conflicts. They also role-play a conflict resolution scenario, highlighting the significance of accountability and humility in maintaining healthy relationships. Chapters 00:00 Understanding the Adaptive Child 02:48 Navigating Extended Triggers in Relationships 05:55 Self-Care and Compassion During Conflict 08:52 The Importance of Timing and Safety 11:55 Managing Anxiety and Relationship Fears 15:00 Choosing to Stay in a Relationship 18:09 The Role of Energy in Communication 21:07 Curiosity and Connection in Conflict Resolution 23:52 Knowing When to Step Away 25:44 Understanding the Adaptive Child 28:26 The Nature of Disagreements in Relationships 29:52 Navigating Rabbit Holes and Emotional States 31:54 Role-Playing Conflict Resolution 36:09 Empathy and Understanding in Communication 40:51 Self-Reflection and Personal Growth in Relationships 43:24 The Importance of Accountability and Humility

    46 min
See All (75)

Ratings & Reviews

4.7
out of 5
23 Ratings

About

Join therapists Jerry Sander & Kristy Gaisford as we look at both the hard truths, and joys, that accompany intimate relationships. Our perspective is personal, practical and based on experience: we've both been married, divorced, and married again after finding great partners for our second marriages. (Both of us had four children apiece in our first marriages; Kristy has four step-children in her second one). Both of us maintain relationally-focused private therapy practices, focusing on couples and individuals. ) We are both certified in Terry Real's Relational Life Therapy and are regular, authorized presenters of the weekend Relationship Boot Camp. We also offer a weekend workshop for those who are starting their lives again after the life-altering relational reset of divorce. 

Information

  • Creator
    Jerry Sander, LCSW & Kristy Gaisford, LCSW
  • Years Active
    2021 - 2025
  • Episodes
    75
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2025 LoveWork: Skills for a Relational Life
  • Show Website
    LoveWork: Skills for a Relational Life

You Might Also Like

To listen to explicit episodes, sign in.

Stay up to date with this show

Sign in or sign up to follow shows, save episodes, and get the latest updates.
Select a country or region

Africa, Middle East, and India

Asia Pacific

Europe

Latin America and the Caribbean

The United States and Canada