Marriage on a Tightrope

Practical advice for Real examples of little bumps that need smoothing and huge hills to climb Together. Giving me a chance to do conscious mental work to heal and grow closer after the biggest life switch of changing beliefs. Much thanks K & A for your candor and vulnerability.

When I left the LDS church it was so difficult on my marriage. We had no idea what was supposed to happen next. The church had no advice for people in our situation, and other sources like r/exmormon encouraged people to talk their spouse out of the church. Marriage on a tightrope teaches you to respect your spouse where they are, how to make good compromises, and avoid common pitfalls.

I just finished listening to the David Ostler episode, and I have listened to almost all of them. I truly appreciate the effort and intent behind helping people/couples in a mixed faith marriage situation. I am a believer, and my ex began his faith transition during our marriage and is now fully out (after a 25yr long marriage—filled w/ several years of counseling and an attempt at reconciliation and a continuing friendship). That’s a whole other story. My comment today is that I really appreciated trying to examine and validate the trauma experienced by the spouse of the person who has gone through a faith crises. I would really like to read his book to see how I would relate, as most of the information out there feels like it focuses on the trauma experienced by the non believer. We as believers are continually asked to understand and be compassionate and careful about how we speak to and about those that have left. And I agree that is absolutely the loving, Christlike goal and way to bridge the gap. But I have a hard time with the way I perceive hypocrisy in the way the post Mormons are often interacting. For example, Allen talks in the podcast about how hurtful the talk about heaven and families was to him. But just a few episodes back, they discussed how Allen has a whole TikTok account devoted to what would be considered offensive, hurtful, mocking, possibly condescending thoughts/ideas, etc about God, Mormons, religion. His solution seemed to be: “don’t watch then, it’s not intended for you”. That is not consistent with the message relayed in this podcast today. These types of incongruencies seem to primarily ignore the hurt doled out to the believer but be very sensitive to the nonbeliever. That needs to change to have your messages feel balanced and intellectually and emotionally authentic. I hope this translates my hope that both sides are trying to be compassionate and kind and asking the best from themselves about how they communicate. Thank you for reading and hopefully considering my thoughts and for your podcast!

Allen and Kattie are so amazing at supporting people on BOTH sides of a mixed faith marriage. I love the way they are so honest and supportive of each other. You can tell they have a strong marriage and work hard to compromise and respect each others views and beliefs. Thank you for creating a space where there was such a need and showing us all that our marriages can thrive even when our beliefs are no longer the same.