Men, Save Your Marriage

Terry Ray
Men, Save Your Marriage

Hello gentlemen and welcome to the ‘Men, Save Your Marriage Show’. My name is Terry, I’m your host. I did an autopsy on my failed marriage and now, I use the lessons I learned to help other men on how to save their marriage before it fails completely. I’m going to share with you the things I wish someone would have shared with me before my marriage failed. Each episode dives into the root causes of marital struggles, offering insights and strategies to reignite connections, rebuild trust, and become the leader your home needs. Whether you’re facing communication breakdowns, emotional distance, or just feel like your marriage is slipping away, I am here to guide you with wisdom, humor, and hard-earned lessons from my own journey. Your marriage isn’t over—this is the wake-up call you’ve been waiting for. Subscribe now, and let’s get to work saving your marriage!

  1. 2小时前

    #16 - Money Problems – Navigating Financial Stress Together

    #16 - Money Problems – Navigating Financial Stress Together Synopsis: Financial struggles are a leading cause of marital strife. Talk about how to have open, honest conversations about money, make joint financial decisions, and support each other through financial stress. Episode Guide: Welcome to Men, Save Your Marriage! Today’s episode is all about money—one of the biggest sources of stress and conflict in marriage. Financial stress can break even the strongest relationships, but it doesn’t have to. I’ll show you how to budget, save, and communicate about money in a way that strengthens your marriage rather than tearing it apart. 1. How Financial Stress Impacts Marriage and Leads to Conflict    Money problems are rarely just about money. They’re about trust, priorities, and communication. Common Financial Fights: One spouse spends impulsively while the other is a saver. Debt creates anxiety, blame, and resentment. Different money mindsets—one sees money as security, the other as freedom. Hiding spending or financial decisions (financial infidelity). Effects of Financial Stress on a Marriage: Increased arguments, resentment, and tension. Loss of intimacy—stress about money often spills into other areas, including emotional and physical connection. Feeling like financial opposites instead of teammates. Key Takeaway: Money isn’t just math—it’s emotional. The goal isn’t just to make more or spend less but to get on the same page with your spouse. 2. Strategies for Budgeting, Saving, and Managing Money Together    1. Start with a ‘No Blame’ Money Talk Set aside time to discuss money without accusations or judgment. Focus on goals, not past mistakes. 2. Create a Simple Budget Together Step 1: Write down total income. Step 2: List out fixed expenses (rent/mortgage, utilities, insurance, etc.). Step 3: Track variable expenses (food, gas, entertainment). Step 4: Identify problem areas—where is money slipping away? Step 5: Set a plan for debt reduction and savings. 3. Use the 50/30/20 Rule as a Starting Point 50% Needs (housing, food, insurance) 30% Wants (entertainment, vacations, hobbies) 20% Savings/Debt Payoff 4. Establish a ‘Money Meeting’ Routine Check in weekly or monthly to review finances and adjust the plan. Celebrate wins (paid off a credit card, stuck to the budget, built savings). 5. Set a ‘Fun Money’ Allowance Each spouse gets a no-questions-asked amount to spend on whatever they want. Prevents resentment and sneaky spending. 3. Encouraging Open & Transparent Communication About Financial Goals Money should be a team effort, not a battle. Avoid the ‘financial parent/child’ dynamic—one spouse controlling all the money decisions breeds resentment. Talk about financial goals early and often. Don’t wait for a crisis. Ask each other: Where do we want to be financially in 1, 5, 10 years? What financial habits do we need to change? How can we support each other without judgment? Make a game plan together. Whether it’s paying off debt, saving for a house, or planning for retirement, work as a team. Key Takeaway: Open communication about money isn’t about controlling each other—it’s about creating a shared vision for your future.   Money is a tool—it shouldn’t be a weapon in your marriage. If you’ve been avoiding financial conversations, start today. Pick one strategy from this episode and apply it this week. Share this episode with another man who needs to hear it.

    20 分钟
  2. 2月25日

    #15 - Re-establishing Emotional Intimacy

    Episode Guide: Welcome to Men, Save Your Marriage! Today, we’re talking about emotional intimacy—what it is, why it’s crucial, and how to build it consistently. If your marriage feels distant, disconnected, or just “off,” this episode will give you practical tools to rebuild emotional closeness with your wife.   1. What is Emotional Intimacy and Why Does It Matter? Definition: Emotional intimacy is the deep sense of closeness, trust, and understanding between you and your spouse. It is feeling truly seen, heard, and valued in your marriage. Why It Matters: A marriage without emotional intimacy is like a house without a foundation—it might stand for a while, but eventually, it will crumble. When emotional intimacy is high, small conflicts don’t turn into big fights. Instead, they become opportunities for growth. Without emotional intimacy, physical intimacy suffers. Many men want more sex in their marriage, but they’re skipping the foundational step—emotional connection. It builds a secure, fulfilling partnership where both of you feel supported and understood.   2. Practical Exercises to Foster Emotional Closeness Building emotional intimacy doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s about small, consistent actions that build trust and connection. Here are some exercises to try: 1. Daily Check-Ins At the end of each day, ask each other: “What was the best part of your day?” “What was the hardest part of your day?” “How can I support you better tomorrow?” The goal isn’t to fix problems but to listen and connect. 2. The 60-Second Hug or 6-Second Kiss Hugging or kissing your wife for an extended time releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone). Most couples rush past physical connection—slow it down and be present in the moment. 3. Love Letter or Voice Memo Challenge Once a week, write a short note or send a voice message telling your wife something you appreciate about her. Keep it simple: “I noticed how hard you worked today, and I love that about you.” 4. Ask Deeper Questions Go beyond “How was your day?” Try: “What’s something you’ve been thinking about a lot lately?” “What’s a dream you have that we haven’t talked about?” “What’s one thing I could do to make you feel more loved?” When she answers, don’t jump to solutions—just listen. 3. The Importance of Consistency in Maintaining Intimacy Intimacy is built over time, not overnight. Too many men wait until there’s a crisis to start working on their marriage. By then, their wife is emotionally checked out. Consistency beats intensity. A one-time grand gesture won’t fix years of neglect, but small, daily efforts will rebuild trust. Set reminders if needed. Put a note in your phone to check in, send a message, or schedule a date night. Be patient. If emotional intimacy has been low, rebuilding it takes time. Stay the course. Closing Thoughts Building emotional intimacy is one of the greatest investments you can make in your marriage. Start small. Pick just one exercise from today and do it this week. If you’re serious about saving your marriage, don’t just listen—take action. If you found value in this, share it with another man who needs to hear it.

    23 分钟
  3. 2月21日

    #14 - Healing After Infidelity – Is It Possible?

    #14 - Healing After Infidelity – Is It Possible? Synopsis: Infidelity is often a relationship deal-breaker, but not always. How to begin the healing process if infidelity has occurred, whether it was physical or emotional, and how to decide if the marriage can (and should) be saved.   Episode Guide:      Emotional impact of infidelity on both partners. Trust issue Low self-esteem Anxiety and depression Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) PTSSD - Post Traumatic Spiritual Stress Disorder Dr. Matthew Tanner Emotional rollercoaster Difficulty in forming attachments Impact on future relationships Coping Allow yourself to grieve Seek professional help Communicate openly Set boundaries Practice self-care Lean on supportive relationships Manage negative thoughts Allow time for healing Consider forgiveness       Whether and how to rebuild trust after the affair.   The unfaithful partner must: -Be honest, full disclosure about the affair, and find a way to atone or express remorse. -Deal with the traumatic feelings after the discovery and be willing to ask and answer questions. -Must end the affair -Be willing to apologize for cheating in a sincere way and promise not to repeat it -Additionally, if you are the betrayer, you must focus on transparency and restoring your partner’s faith in you.       The partner who is betrayed must remember to be kind to themselves -Tail Spin moments...during these times remember that recovering from trauma of betrayal takes time.  -Express your feelings to your spouse, but be sure to avoid accusations.  -Avoid rehashing all of the events around the affair.  -Find a way to forgive or at least accept her and work towards forgiveness. -Lastly, whatever you think or feel after experiencing infidelity is normal.   Both Partners -Both partners need to talk about intense feelings respectfully without blame, judgment, criticism, and contempt. -Find a way to connect emotionally and sexually.  “Without the presence of sexual intimacy, that is pleasurable to both, the relationship can’t begin again.” Be more attuned to each other and to spend regular time together.       Steps for healing together or deciding to part ways. Factors to Consider When faced with infidelity, it’s essential to evaluate whether rebuilding the relationship is both possible and worth the effort.  Three critical factors to consider. 1. Remorse and Accountability: Is Your Partner Taking Responsibility for Their Actions? Signs of Genuine Remorse: • Acknowledging the harm caused without deflecting blame. • Offering sincere apologies without excuses. • Expressing a willingness to answer questions about the affair. Actions That Show Accountability: • Cutting off contact with the third party completely. • Being transparent about their whereabouts, social media, and interactions. • Actively participating in rebuilding trust through therapy or other means. If your partner minimises the affair, shifts blame onto you, or refuses to discuss the situation, it’s unlikely that the relationship can be repaired. 2. Willingness to Rebuild: Are Both Partners Committed to Making Changes? What Rebuilding Looks Like: For the Betraying Partner: Taking initiative to rebuild trust, showing patience with their partner’s healing process, and addressing the root causes of their behaviour. For the Betrayed Partner: Being open to the possibility of forgiveness and working toward emotional healing, even if it’s slow and difficult. Questions to Reflect On: • Are both of you willing to attend therapy, individually or as a couple? • Is your partner open to discussing boundaries and making necessary changes? • Are you both invested in improving communication and addressing long-standing issues? If one or both partners are unwilling to make these efforts, it may indicate that staying together isn’t the best path forward.   3. Personal Well-Being: Do You Feel Emotionally Capable of Continuing in the Relationship? While your partner’s actions and willingness to rebuild are essential, your emotional well-being is equally important. Staying in the relationship should not come at the expense of your mental health or personal growth. • Are you emotionally capable of forgiving? • Do you feel safe and valued in the relationship? • Are you able to trust your partner again, even with time and effort? Steps to Help You Decide If you’re still unsure about staying or leaving, the following steps can provide clarity and help you make an informed decision. 1. Reflect on the Relationship as a Whole Take an honest look at your relationship beyond the affair. Were there pre-existing issues, or was the relationship strong before the betrayal? Identifying patterns can help you determine whether the relationship has the foundation to recover. 2. Seek Support Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can provide valuable perspective. 3. Give Yourself Time You don’t have to decide immediately. Allow yourself time         If You Choose to Stay 1. Rebuild Trust Gradually: Take small steps to re-establish transparency and accountability. 2. Focus on Emotional Intimacy: Strengthen your bond through open communication, shared activities, and vulnerability. 3. Address Underlying Issues: Explore the reasons behind the affair and work together to prevent similar issues in the future. If You Choose to Leave 1. Prioritise Your Healing: Therapy or self-reflection to process the grief and rebuild your sense of self. 2. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your ex-partner to ensure a clean break and protect your well-being. 3. Embrace New Beginnings: Use this opportunity to rediscover your passions, interests, and goals outside the relationship. Common Myths About Staying or Leaving Myth No.1: “Leaving is the only way to regain self-respect.” Truth: Many couples rebuild stronger relationships after infidelity, and staying can be an empowering choice if it aligns with your needs and values. Myth No.2: “Forgiving means forgetting.” Truth: Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing the behaviour—it means choosing to move forward without being burdened by anger or resentment. Conclusion Deciding whether to stay or leave after infidelity is deeply personal and requires careful consideration of your emotional health, your partner’s actions, and the potential for rebuilding. Whether you choose to repair the relationship or part ways, prioritising your well-being and making an informed choice are key.

    24 分钟
  4. #13 - The Importance of Sex – Reconnecting Intimately

    2月5日

    #13 - The Importance of Sex – Reconnecting Intimately

    #13 - The Importance of Sex – Reconnecting Intimately Synopsis: Sex is a key part of marriage, but often declines in troubled relationships. Let’s discuss the emotional and physical aspects of sexual connection, how to talk about it openly with their spouse, and how to reignite passion. Lying next to your wife every night, yet feeling miles apart. Conversations become superficial, and physical touch fades into memory—this is the reality of many couples trapped in a sexless marriage.   The lack of marital intimacy creates a deep emotional void  and disconnection.    Why do sexless relationships happen? common reasons   Health issues   Emotional disconnect    Past traumas and unresolved conflicts   Tips for reigniting passion in the bedroom. Change your pattern of initiating sex Hold hands more often Separate sexual intimacy from routine Carve out time to spend with your partner Focus on affectionate touch Maintain a sense of curiosity about sexual intimacy Vary the kind of sex you have Make sex a priority     Discuss the emotional connection that leads to better physical intimacy. You’re Distancing Yourself You Feel Lonely You’re Less Affectionate You’re Having Less Sex You Don’t Know What To Say You’ve Lost Empathy You’re Arguing More You Communicate With ‘Barbed Jokes’ You’re Walking On Eggshells You Don’t Support Each Other You Question If You’re In The Right Relationship

    20 分钟
  5. #10 - Breaking the Cycle of Blame in Your Marriage

    1月8日

    #10 - Breaking the Cycle of Blame in Your Marriage

    #10 - Breaking the Cycle of Blame in Your Marriage Synopsis: Blame can destroy a marriage. This episode teaches men how to break the cycle of blaming their spouse for all their problems and how to adopt a solutions-focused mindset instead.    Episode Guide: Explore why blaming your spouse creates distance and resentment. Reasons for blame Poor communication Emotional distancing  Resentment   Breaking the cycle of blame begins when you stop blaming her and start taking responsibility for everything.  Notice I didn’t say you start blaming yourself. No, you take responsibility.  When you blame yourself you feel useless or worthless  But….You are needed!   Provide steps for taking responsibility without self-criticism.   Tips for compassionate accountability without beating yourself up.  Get Curious   What do your behaviours mean?  Insight into yourself.  Self-blame, criticism or punishment will not yield insight. Curiosity will.    Talk to yourself like you would someone you loved, like a child.    Shift how you talk to yourself by doing so like you would talk to a child.  What would the younger version of you need to hear?    What does accountability look like after you have established self-compassion?  Maybe it is as simple as reflecting on the experience and integrating lessons learned.  Current compassion plus new lessons learned equals future change.  Accountability may look like making amends or repairing a relationship.    Shift the mindset from “who’s at fault” to “how can we fix this?” Constant self-blame is exhausting and can erode the very foundation of your self-respect. Self-Respect is your way out of self-blame. The importance of learning to be self-compassionate is clear. Deep compassion doesn't come easy for those stuck in the blame cycle, but practice can help shift this. Practice self-compassion by:   honoring your limitations and taking breaks  writing down the self-critical voice and responding with kindness visualizing negative thoughts as passing clouds self-compassion meditations or mantras   Begin working on your low self esteem - Stop lying to yourself.  - Start small with one thing. (For me it was laundry.)   Text me at 812-648-3380 and tell me your first name and the one small thing you are going to stop lying to yourself about and start doing with consistency and compassion.

    30 分钟
  6. #9 - Balancing Roles in Marriage – When to Lead, When to Follow Her

    1月2日

    #9 - Balancing Roles in Marriage – When to Lead, When to Follow Her

    Synopsis: Address the dynamics of leadership and partnership within a marriage. Help men understand when to step up as a leader and when it’s important to follow their wife’s lead for the health of the relationship. Episode Guide: Discuss what healthy leadership in a marriage looks like. What can you do to strengthen your marriage? Never stop getting to know each other.  We cannot love someone we don’t know.  The most stable couples have a strong friendship as their foundation.  Play together Schedule regular dates.  Keep focusing on the good things about your partner.  You should aim for at least five positive experiences for every negative one (smiling, touching, laughing, complementing). Habitually turn toward each other.  Make a regular practice of spending 15-minutes together at the end of your day.   Let your partner influence you.  Develop a habit and process for addressing conflict.  Develop a shared purpose. Agree on the big purposes for life and marriage.   Share examples of when it’s important to follow her lead. Play to Individual Strengths In many relationships, the wife may naturally excel in areas such as organization, decision-making, or long-term planning.  For example, if your wife is more financially savvy or excels at managing the household, it makes sense for her to lead in those areas.    Offer tips for balancing decision-making without power struggles. The “two-yes rule.  1. It Promotes Thoughtful Decision-Making 2. It Encourages Healthy Communication And Trust 3. It Supports Individuality Within A Partnership   Join the conversation at MSYM.cc Questions or Comments?  Message me at 812-648-3380

    23 分钟

关于

Hello gentlemen and welcome to the ‘Men, Save Your Marriage Show’. My name is Terry, I’m your host. I did an autopsy on my failed marriage and now, I use the lessons I learned to help other men on how to save their marriage before it fails completely. I’m going to share with you the things I wish someone would have shared with me before my marriage failed. Each episode dives into the root causes of marital struggles, offering insights and strategies to reignite connections, rebuild trust, and become the leader your home needs. Whether you’re facing communication breakdowns, emotional distance, or just feel like your marriage is slipping away, I am here to guide you with wisdom, humor, and hard-earned lessons from my own journey. Your marriage isn’t over—this is the wake-up call you’ve been waiting for. Subscribe now, and let’s get to work saving your marriage!

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